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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 03-28-2016, 05:42 PM
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You are certainly in a bad situation either way. You love your man and it must be very hard to see him sad/upset by this.

Tayken has often posted interesting information on black/white thinking which is what it sounds as though the daughters are doing - looking for someone to blame.
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Old 03-29-2016, 01:25 AM
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There is no requirement to be a parent... thus you have crappy parents
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Old 03-29-2016, 09:19 AM
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I reminded him last night about not arguing with his oldest about his youngest. He said he knows and just got frustrated. His kid told him that her moms family says he deserves this treatment for filing for divorce and ruining her life. That he should accept his punishment for his decisions. WTF?

I told him theres no chance in hell for him to even begin to deal with this. As long as they keep telling the kids this they will believe it and he needs to stop fighting it.
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Old 03-29-2016, 10:56 AM
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"I love you very much and am very sorry you had to hear something like that. How was the rest of your week?"
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Old 03-29-2016, 11:12 AM
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He went with "I really dont want us to fight, hows school? What did you do for the holiday? Do your exams start this week?"

I told him Im buying a game of risk and he can pretend all the people are his life and he can make them do what he wants so he can accept that in real life people dont always do what you want.

I wish I could get through to him that they enjoy knowing hes suffering and the more he pushes the happier it makes them so he needs to let it go.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 03-29-2016, 02:05 PM
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energy vampire
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Old 03-29-2016, 03:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
energy vampire

^^^ Exactly, your man seems to be stuck in this eternal cycle of being a victim. I'll bet it was how things were when he was married to her. Her and kids would lay on the "guilt-trip" and he would apologize and bend over backwards to try to make them happy ... Sad that he's still letting them get to him - old patterns are hard to break.

Since the divorce, he's probably feeling guiltier for (as they claim) ruining all their lives. Fact is, things were ruined way before the divorce.

Being a nice guy, it's gonna take him a while to figure this out - hopefully he will, for your sake as well. It's obviously putting an extra strain on your relationship.
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Old 03-29-2016, 03:50 PM
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It's the down side of being a nice guy (or gal) - it can take ages to figure out what you are at fault for and what you are really not at fault for. You have my sympathies, it's hard being the bystander watching this happen.
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Old 03-29-2016, 03:53 PM
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When we were talking last night he got sad and said "I miss her" about his youngest. I totally agree with him that what they are doing is wrong but you cant really change someones attitude. His exs family is very much about blaming someone else for things that happen. They refuse to take responsibility.

Im not unsympathetic to think this doesnt hurt. I just realize theres no sense fighting a battle you cant win. The more he lets them know it bothers him, the more they will continue.
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Old 03-29-2016, 06:49 PM
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Reminds me of pursuer-evader syndrome.
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