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Old 12-09-2014, 04:17 PM
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Default "Hand Holding"

I have a question just for my own curiosity. My partners ex tends to make demands for answers to her requests immediately or things tend to "disappear" and she needs him to send things again yet when he asks for a response within a reasonable amount of time (example a month after a request) he gets the "I work full time and am a full time single mother" bs.

Now shes lost an email he sent out of courtesy. Claims it disappeared. She never loses emails and normally ignores him following his emails (hes still waiting on an answer to holidays sent over a month ago). Asking him to resend it. He will of course, but my question is how much hand holding do you do with your exes? Do you jump when they ask even though it takes weeks for them? Do you coddle their mistakes about things like lost cheques that were handed to them? I just find it remarkable that she can ignore his reasonable requests but if he even thinks about waiting 24 hours to respond to her shes hunting him down.
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Old 12-09-2014, 04:31 PM
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OurFamilyWizard seems ideal for this. She could look up the communication again, herself, and if it's things like receipts, or a photocopy of something, that can be uploaded to it as well, and she could also find that herself, when pointed to.

Sounds like the ex could be entirely disorganized (which means OurFamilyWizard should help them out immensely), or could just be looking to make your partner jump hoops. Probably the latter.

For things like cheques, perhaps try to move such things to online, electronic transactions? Email money transfer? If she loses the email money transfer, she can look into that, since "you've" already sent the funds.

Last edited by dad2bandm; 12-09-2014 at 04:32 PM. Reason: Finished thought.
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Old 12-09-2014, 04:48 PM
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Hes with FRO now so no worries there. That was last spring and she demanded he go out in a blizzard and replace them immediately.

She has no problems getting any other emails. I am suspicious of this request. She probably opened it on her phone and clicked something and cant find it.

As for receipts etc, she loses those before she even sends them to him or never bothers to get an actual receipt figuring telling him how much she paid is proper notification.
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Old 12-09-2014, 04:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
...
As for receipts etc, she loses those before she even sends them to him or never bothers to get an actual receipt figuring telling him how much she paid is proper notification...
No receipt, no reimbursement.
Maybe it will help her be more "organized". :-)
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Old 12-09-2014, 05:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
No receipt, no reimbursement.
Maybe it will help her be more "organized". :-)

Funny, she found them for FRO. Too bad she couldnt calculate percentages properly. Wait until she finds out FRO cant recover post sec costs.

Please note, Im not trying to be difficult. I just am very frustrated watching my partner jumping through hoops, kissing asses and behaving himself to be constantly treated like crap. Hes putting his foot down more and more which is good but this whole "it disappeared send it again" crap gets old. Funny, all the other emails got sent to the kids to read. Maybe this one was going to another folder and went to trash instead?
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Old 12-09-2014, 06:04 PM
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Your partner can subscribe to ReadNotify.com. For about $4 per month, he receives notifications when emails he sends are opened by the recipient. That way, he knows if she read the email and is claiming he never sent it or she forgot about it. He can do this on his own, doesn't need agreement of his ex.
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Old 12-09-2014, 06:30 PM
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Not to belittle your problem in any way - but your spouse sounds like a very patient person the kind who gives even his Ex wife the benefit of the doubt. It's reassuring for you to know that in the event of your split up, he would treat you with kindness ....
Re-sending an email doesn't make him a push-over, it does make her a disorganized mess lol. He could use the ol' wait and stall tactic, that way she would be less demanding in the future?
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:10 AM
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Seriously Rock, you need to get over the fact that your partner is a wuss. He is a wuss and his ex-wife runs/manipulates him. I am not sure what the answer is but I know you can't change people.
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Old 12-10-2014, 07:44 AM
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It's a game. Don't play into it. However that means you might have to go without too. In our case, mom doesn't lose emails she just ignores anything that would benefit us in any way. Funny thing is when we say "it's been xxx weeks/months and this is our xx request for...." she claims to not check her email often blah blah. Truth is, she is just a manipulative you know what. We rarely ask her for anything and choose to do without for this reason. It simplifies things.
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Old 12-10-2014, 09:58 AM
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I read a quote the other day that said "Strong women scare weak men"... when I really think about it, it makes total sense, especially in my situation. I use to be like you, never understood why my partner would let his ex walk all over him, why he would never stand up to her or others around him. The truth is, he is a weak man. He doesn't have a back bone and me being a strong willed woman couldn't understand that for the longest time. We use to argue about him bending over and taking it.

I have now realized that just because I am strong willed and wouldn't put up with that crap, he is a totally different person and no matter what I say or do, it is not going to change him. I have come to terms and have learned to bite my tongue and let him deal with the situations he sees fit. If/when he asks for my opinion, I will provide it to him, but until then, I turn and walk away and let him deal with the situations as he needs too.

We must realize, we can't control the other parent/ex. The more we try, the more we preach the more they dig their heels in. Be thankful this isn't a person you have to deal with and just be there when your partner needs support, even if he did bring the situation on himself.
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