EX wants at home daycare on her week

[mylesc]

Hello everyone,

we have a signed shared joint custody agreement as of last year i was primary for 3 years, 50 / 50, week on week off monday to monday of our daughter of 8 years old.

My ex is giving birth in march and wants to keep our 8 year old home on her weeks. Our daughter would also like that very much.

Im ok with it but need to know is there anything that can happen as her mother has a history of abusing the system.

these are the points i have asked to be addressed.

Since you are talking her out of her regular routine for convenience and financial reasons, these items need to be addressed

1. Switch ***** to a new daycare, which is more physically active and mentally stimulating and has a variety of activities, something ***** has asked for over a year now and you have refused, since she dislikes her current daycare for these reasons.
2. While she is at home and you are taking care of a new born, how are you going to accommodate for these needs mentioned in the first point. reason I ask is obvious, aside from social benefits of a daycare she needs everything above, especially physical activity. If physical activities are not met, she will return to full time daycare.
3. To keep her in routine she will need to be up at 7:00 – 7:30am each day, if not when she returns to my house to go to daycare, this will be extremely hard on her if it’s not followed. If this is not followed she will return to fulltime daycare.
4. If ***** shows discontent with being at your house at any time, or she wishes to return to fulltime daycare, she is to return to full time daycare.
5. There will be no financial change in support or extraordinary expenses as you are choosing to keep her at home and pull her out of her regular daycare routine.

If these points cannot be met it would not be in her best interest to remain at your house and she should go to full time daycare.

please feel free to expand or add any comments

[CCB]

I'm confused...your 8 year old should be in school, should she not?

[mylesc]

oh of course she is in school that goes without saying, the current daycare is a before and after school program

[CCB]

I feel that your points to be addressed sound a bit too controlling. You're talking about before and after-school, it's not as if she's going to be home all day, her school is where she gets most of her stimulation and physical activity. In my opinion, what her mother does with her during her week is her business. Just because she's having a baby, doesn't mean she can't meet your daughter's needs as well. Being off on mat leave is a great opportunity for parents to spend that extra time with kids that they don't normally get the chance to.

In my opinion, pick your battles, and I wouldn't choose this one.

[HammerDad]

Unless the before/after school care requires the child to attend all the time, not week on/off, I see no reason to dictate how the other parent has to parent on their time.

They don't get to dictate what you do on yours....and vice versa.

[mylesc]

very valid points and of course the before and after school ones are are very good, but with most of them i am thinking about summer time months.

our daughters physical activity is very important to me. all these points i would ask of any daycare provider as im sure everyone else would also.

anything taht sounds restricting is for the reason of our daughters health.

my ex's thought of daycare is putting an xbox 360 in her room.

[HammerDad]

Summer is a long time away. I wouldn't get worked up about it just yet.....your ex may find having D8 plus the baby a bit much and D8 may also want to be in it if her friends are.

I'd relax for now.

[CCB]

How great would it be for your 8 year old daughter to be able to stay home with her Mom and new sibling in the summer when they can do all kinds of fun things that Mom couldn't so if she was working.

I hate sending my kids to their babysitter even though they love it there. They love when I get to stay home with them even more though

[mylesc]

thank you hammer dad, and your right. but i have to be carefull as mentioned before this women has a history of abusing the system, so status quo must be established now as i know she would not come to reason to return D8 to daycare as it would be a financial burden more than it would be for d8 best interest.

[mylesc]

agreed CCB and im not saying no every point is for D8's best interest. in the end i know shes end up playing video games in her room all day this is why i have to make these points.