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Old 06-15-2014, 05:39 PM
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Smile Dealing with Frustration?

Many of us are being mistreated by our former partners, and in that mistreatment lies a lot of frustration, even anger, as these are forced on us and/or refused to us for what appears to be nothing more then the spite and vengeance of our Xs hurt and unresolved issues of the past.

We all have find a way to cope with the feelings that being devalued, discredited and/or disenfranchised from our children entails.

Let's share some of our own coping strategies in this thread
For me personally there is nothing better then a good cry and purging of the muck from my mind in writing emails I will never send, blogs I will never post, and just pouring out the hurt and frustration through the written word.
How do you cope?
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Old 06-15-2014, 07:43 PM
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Whenever I get overwhelmed with the nonsense and injustice of it all - I remember how things were when living with my STBX, and how much my life has improved since ...

That's how I cope (if you can call it coping lol)
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Old 06-15-2014, 09:44 PM
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5 years and my ex still sends hateful poisonous emails.
It used to get to me, but it really helps to remember where and who the words are coming from.
When you remind yourself of that, it gets hard to put any value behind the abuse and negativity.
And honestly, turning away from a nasty email and looking and spending time with my kids and my amazing partner make it easy to put it behind me.
I do often write emails I never send and that is therapeutic also

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk
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Old 06-15-2014, 10:30 PM
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My anger and outrage at my situation propelled me through 5 years of court. I still get very angry when I get an email from lawyer telling me ex wants to, yet again, go to court. I send a few outraged emails to my lawyer. He knows. He doesn't respond. He knows I'm upset.

I have a very challenging job which keeps my mind occupied for up to 10 hrs a day. Work is my escape.

I carry on. This is my life.
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Old 09-07-2014, 12:59 PM
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I've just come up with a few other creative ways in which I've been able to manage some of the stress and depressive aspects of the family court struggle which I'd like to share

Videos

I've taken a bunch of our old vacation videos (just me and the kids, not the X) and I've edited them and set them to music with some of my daughters favorite songs.
I watch this videos when I feel the need to spend time with her (which is quite often), when I am missing her, or when the work involved in this process seems overwhelming.
Watching the videos causes one or more of the following things to happen;
1. I feel happy in being able to see her again
2. I feel sad that I haven't not been able to see her for so long
3. I remember all the wonderful times which happened alongside those videos and the fun we shared together
4. I look forward to being able to create more memories with her again in the future
5. I miss her, so terribly and that it causes me to feel hurt, sadness, emptiness and grief at this time we've been forced apart.
6. I feel inspired in my pain to make sure that what has happened to us can never happen again, and it gives me the strength to keep on fighting the good fight
7. I see so many reflections of myself in her appearance, actions and personality it helps me to remember the influence I have had on her life, and how important I am to her as a mother and role model
8. I feel pride in being the mother of such a sweet, comedic, creative little treasure of a girl
9. I feel a sense of reconfirmation in my actions in her life, in court and I know that what I am fighting for is worth every stress and heartache which I have to endure
10. I remember our singing these same songs, watching the movies where some of these songs come from, and how these moments are our moments, the special mother/daughter moments which we share and memories which will last forever.
I cry while watching these videos at times; but it is a good cry, a cry which is needed to purge the internal sadness which I wear heavy in my heart every moment of the day.
These videos have become my comfort, my method of purging sadness, and my inspiration; they keep me optimistic and give me strength.


Cleaning to Music
Cleaning, organizing and decorating my home have been something which had been placed on the back burning for many months when this mess had started; the evidence of my stress could be seen in the maintenance of my house.
There had come a point, this summer, where I realized that this court process may take much longer then I had realized, and that I had to find a way to carry on with life (not be robbed of life by 'him' while I am in wait for justice), take control of that which I could control (my house and my life [outside of the court process]), and bring back a sense of normality and stability which my daughter can come home to when this is all over- in short I had to clean the house.
By placing the act of cleaning to music, I could listen to songs which reflected how I felt (angry songs when angry, celebratory songs when happy, etc) and random music which I had enjoyed during better times in life, I was able to achieve the following effect;
1. emotional purging through specific songs and/or types of music
2. physical purging of frustrations through physical activities
3. reestablishing some sense of order in my life
4. obtaining a sense of satisfaction in my accomplishments (decorating)
5. finding treasured memories which had been in boxes or misplaced
Through these things my stress was greatly decreased, my over all sense of wellbeing increased, and by removing the clutter from my house I found that constant feelings of frustration and of loss of control which had become unusually predominant in my life had become situational once more.
I was feeling better, ergo I was doing better


Please feel free to share any of the coping strategies you have developed for yourself which may help others

Thanks!
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Old 09-07-2014, 04:06 PM
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I like the subject of this post, it's important to find ways to deal with this roller coaster ride that is divorce litigation .... I've also found that organizing my household makes me feel better. Getting rid of the useless clutter - keeping things simple. The Ex was something between a hoarder and procrastinator. Nowadays I really appreciate having a tidy environment to live in. If I can't fix it, out it goes. If I can't use it, it's off to the Salvation Army.

The family residence will be sold off eventually so I've been dreaming about buying some land and building a tiny eco. home. It's important to have dreams and to look forwards to the future. Working on my tiny home plans is a great source of comfort to me.

I'm looking into sustainable living, solar panels and all the greenfreak lifestyle choices that I'm now free to make.

Keeping a journal and posting in forums like this one helps a lot as well.

Even the strongest of us need a good cry now and then ....

Giving my little guy (6'4'')a BIG HUG also makes the sadness go away. My son is the best part of my 28 year association with his father.
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Old 09-08-2014, 01:31 AM
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very cool idea Janibel. Are you considering wind mills? I've heard they are noisy but they can make you some nice $$$$.
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Old 09-08-2014, 02:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
very cool idea Janibel. Are you considering wind mills? I've heard they are noisy but they can make you some nice $$$$.
I don't know about the noise, they are usually far enough from the residence to not be a problem? I would imagine that people get used to the 'hum' of the aoliens. (less annoying than traffic) A big bonus on these systems is the Hydro Co. will purchase your extra energy at market value - so not only are you saving $ you're also earning $. I like that idea ...

The best solution is to have more than one system in place. I'm looking into passive solar, wind and high efficiency wood burning. A small well insulated home doesn't need much energy to run properly.

So this is what keeps my mind off of the D word ... like I said earlier, it's important to have dreams, something positive to keep the brains busy.
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