ddol...how ar you ?

[May_May]

ddol-haven't seen you on lately...hope you are OK. How did things go with the lawyer (I believe that was earlier this week)...

[standing on the sidelines]

I was wondering also. Hope things are going well

[ddol1]

Sorry all - classic long post - this week has been a full novel - and thanks for the concern........ just been overwhelmed - tonight I try to sleep 8 full hours.

I had a rough week - things are going to fast, too hard and I well shut down for two days - just stood there rocking back and forth. Manager stopped in acouple of times - he was worried. Told him you are now witnessing near my worst state. He asked, "and the worst?" I told him i would be huddled down into the corner totally out of it - to the point you might have to gently touch me if yelling at me didn't work.......but as long as you can see be breathing - I will be ok! He is accepting of me as I am in his motel and for this I have said thank you many times (He could ask me to leave!)

On a positive note - I failed miserably in trying to sort out the papers for the lawyer visit that was put off from Wed to this afternoon. We discussed my criminal and he has advised me on what to say. but before the lawyer was round one with the crisis worker case manager and she is trying to get a handle on why I am constantly "breaking down emotionally." As she left my eldest daughter dropped off a few things I had asked for and she used my daughter as a courier for passing on a form 13.1 (which I have been desperately tring to get the data to fill that thing in for how long now - she did not have to give me a copy, I have asked her for months to get herself a lawyer, a real lawyer - but it worked. That move by the ex(what I did not accept was using the daughter as the messenger - there is apropriate ways t do this now as spelled out by the judge. But I then had a full out lost it breakdown that lasted the entire day.....it was enough for her to twist my head around and got me so confused I could barely tell up from down. In my heart I know she did this step on purpose and very planned (the kids had asked and I did tell them a simple, I have made an appointment with the lawyer and i am just getting together the documents he requested - no more (none of the children's concern. When they visit, we visit, we talk about good things only. Our rule is should either side slip, the other shall stop the conversation period. We have been having good visits.

So I did speak with Lawyer's assisstant and she helped a lot at the beginning of the week and she set up an email conference with the lawyer where he got the straight facts and status - goal is HELP ME PLEASE!!! The lawyer said to forget the financials and see him regarding getting thrown out with basically nothing and the legal issues regarding my stay in Jail. Lawyer has taken facts and assured me that he will be able to do a (sorry aparte - we will be the aplicant and i do not have to prove everything solid now - I just need to know the numbers and we will do the form 13.1 early next week - I have homework this weekend - I hope i cando it - with this form he is going to add an immediate suppport order and court ordered benefits and a few other things - and he said he should get it quick and my costs to date can be backdated (There will be a place to acknowlege I was forced to sell RRSP's to get this far......aparantly not a good thing for her???

My problem was this morning I had intake number 2 with my crisis case amnager and yes I had another round of emotional breakdowns........but she said we are making progress. There is pressure on my doctor to set up the "fancy psycholocical testing and medical assessents done (they are in the works part of the delay is my doctor wants to make sure he does and adresses the issues the court wishes to be clariffied..... and my case worker left (she was not sure if she could leave (she had anther appointment - I said I would get it together for 2pm -- yup I passed out - woke up just in time to be late but I made it and the lawyer was understanding..... he even gave me 30 min to compose myself because I guess I was shaking...... Lawyer visit was good. He is going to give me a small break on fees (he will make a noted attempt at shutting down the stupid wasting of lawyer's billable time.

He actually said that withing reason it should be easier to just push our file through for the sake of my health (we do not have any complicated issues except for the dissipation she did and I have the bank records to prove this - and I have bank records all the way to day 1 of our marriage so it helps. It took so long to find all that and it was all over the house - what i could not do the Bamk Manager used his "pull and knowledgeof the database to pull my missing documents (If my ex would only know how much people have come to my aid after learning, or looking thru their own books what she tried to do to me.

last paragraph! Lawyer said all the petty (she will not release my personal belongings I requested) and everything else will only make it that much easier for him when he goes in front of the Judge. Lawyer said she is so blantantly attempting to do things to affect my health, the petty crap, witholding possessions, trying to strip all the cash.........lawyer said it will all add up and it will work out fo rme - he said to try and relax through this process. I decided I am not fighting her for the house - I want the crisis team to locate me a nice, safe, healthy environment place to love while all this goes on - then I will be able to take my time after the settlement is taken care of to rebuild my life. He also told me of ways to go through this and get help from ODSP and a few other things - we are going to work on that too - first is homework and totals on a form 13.1 !!!!!

Sorry - and serious - today was a freezing rain snow storm day and i got home and i have been bouncing off the walls - untill i opened an email and got a special to me request - for me to be their friend! Thank you - your timimg good not have been beater!!(edit - sorry have had enough of that for a while - BETTER!!!)

[ddol1]

ok today is saturday it is now 10:30 in the am and I am alive - gettin ready to try and do a crazy lookiing financial sheet that my lawyer took the time to show the bottle necks, which parts to just grab the info and we would determine the correct number together,,,,,yea cuz so much of my stuff just doesn't have a place on this darned form!!''this is going gto work........

[standing on the sidelines]

I hated doing my financial statement also. If i know anyone who is getting married I would tell them to do one before they get married so they know what things are worth then. It was a pain in the ass trying to figure out the value of some stuff before marriage.

[May_May]

I agree with both of you...the most draining part of this has been putting together all of the financials, and responding to my ex' financials.
I wish I had of had the common sense before we were married to have everything listed !

ddol-Glad you are getting help and thanks for responding ! Awesome that you have such an understanding/flexible lawyer (and staff). Keep at it...it might take a while but always think of the end results ! No toxic ex in your living area daily ! YAY

[standing on the sidelines]

it took so long to do it as i had life insurance policys that had a cash surrender value i had money in rrsps but then took advantage of the home owners borrowing thing to use it for a downpayment for the house, just soooo much crap to remember and to look up.

if i lived closer to you ddol1 I would offer to give you a hand with it, or at least organizing it.

[ddol1]

I can feel the positive vibes passing thru my chest as i type! I am lucky in that i had a school project i made up to learn how to use a computer...... a lotus list of our belongings, room by room that was then filed for insurance purposes! stuff, majority of the values and on a file in the computer from 1990 (3 years after marriage). My problem is and I am not pulling your chain - I counted like 35 different bank account numbers that flowed through my joint checking account - the account she controlled - you know three kids is 6 accounts maybe another 5 or so for us - but shit 35??? and yes I have accounted for and flowed the cash she took over 7 weeks just after my major neck surgery - 7 weeks $33,000 plus dollars. This was my purpose for checking things deeper. We are simple people who lived frugal lives - s=we worked hard to have ,raise and support ourselves and our children even facing all my medical issues and it was all fine when I could and did follow the financials - we did everything together - when I got sick and lost the capacity she went "wild" and again all in the records, statements. when I lost the ability to keeep up now everything (MOst anyway) of cash out side rrsp is gone - she even took some out of the rrsp on her own - and now she wants me to split _(take) mine because I didn't take a chunk out of mine????? AAHHH!!!!

I am working on it - break over - still checking responses though - have things to learn this week end about financials!!!! tahnks again to all!!!!!

[Pursuinghappiness]

Holy crackers...you're still working on your financial statement?!? (did you say you're using Lotus?!?)

You are gearing up for the longest (and messiest) divorce in human history. I truly feel for your children...even reading your posts causes me mental trauma...I can't imagine what turmoil they must be dealing with on a day to day basis.

[ddol1]

a quick hello - yep. Lawyer reviewed what i have, why it has been so hard and he was impressed with what i could do with the state in which I operate on a daily basis - I have trouble with everything. the lawyer is giving me some breaks and some extra help to get over the "top" and get it done...........

I had hoped to have had better progress in this hotel room but I am reminded by my doctor that the (I like to call it my various short circuits that is going on in my head......is actually real and why it has been so hard to focus and put the pieces together) I have managed to gather it all - in the last week I have it now properly gathered into topic (folder by folder) and i have it all spread out through the entire room! I will not give up. I am real glad that the lawyer said i was on the right track to make it easy for him - been my whole goal........today i am shooting for serious final checks and putting numbers in that 13.1 form - finally!

thanks for saying hello - and yes my ex has managed to get into all our heads even when i have stayed at least 8 miles from her at all times!!!