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Old 09-25-2016, 09:14 PM
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Default Court.....feeling anxious

...... Court proceedings for the 3rd time.
It never feels any easier, having to see the ex, be in the court room, and not low exactly what may happen.... The anxiety and fear of the unknown makes me naseaued.
I literally count down how the hours of the day go by, and hope that we aren't sitting in the fail court room for too long.
I get stared down by my ex and his fiancÚ as we wait to enter the chanbers, all before I can hear the chit chatter and the laughs of both of them joking about me.

Does it ever get any easier? Suggested coping methods ?
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Old 09-26-2016, 08:30 AM
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Remember - they are likely just as nervous as you are so don't be fooled by their jokes and laughter. The fact that your ex has to have someone there to hold hands is quite telling in itself. I went through what you are going through MANY times. Aside from the positive optics of me going to court by myself, my case was stronger and I was represented by excellent legal counsel.

Them em laugh.......
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Old 09-26-2016, 08:36 AM
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Thank you for your support and kind words.

Do you believe that it is beneficial, to attend court with your new partner or not?

I typically attend alone, ultimately the case is between the father and the mother, the welfare and best ideal upbringing for the child.

My family has asked me if I wish to have them beside me, I feel that they might add to the level of stress/anxiety feeling .....
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Old 09-26-2016, 09:02 AM
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Sometimes its good to have someone there on your side. Plus they can take notes or make other observations if they are in the courtroom too. Or they can just give you moral support. It all depends on your feelings.

Dont let your ex and his wife intimidate you. They are catty immature jerks for doing so. You wouldnt be in court if they were reasonable. Just take a deep breath and let it roll off you.
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Old 09-26-2016, 09:10 AM
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Thank you again for the support.

My lawyer is fantastic, and I have faith in his abilities, I think what it is more so, is still there waiting to go in the chambers.

The opposing counsel is VERY aggressive, and I am not.

I honestly feel as though the tension, bad karma, and bad energy throughout the court house is so strong that its hard to push it off my shoulders.

But the advice given is accurate, it's gotta be done, we could have discussed this between the parents, but there is a reason why we are there.

One day at a time...
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Old 09-26-2016, 10:21 AM
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I know what you're going through. When my ex turned my life upside down and abducted D5 I literally turned into Braveheart. But it was a different type of battle. One of self-regulation, coping strategies, psychology and courage.

The worst for me wasn't even my ex's grotesque affidavits....it was the people in the system that were facilitating her behaviors and instigating more conflict.

Her LAO lawyer was a nasty piece of work. I remember telling him "This isn't a war my friend .. there's a child at stake here". His reply? "I'm going to burn you at the stake". He bullied me both in and out of court pretty badly

It only made me more determined, I worked on my materials harder ....wrote on cue cards the exact topics, FLR's, Caselaw I wanted to bring in and practiced talking in front of a mirror all night. But most of all, I remained calm, collected, polite and gentle in the court room . .even my facial expression. Not smug or anything ... just relaxed and a tad worried.

Allegations of anger/abuse and it was my ex who blurted out, couldn't control her emotions and became irate in court ..certainly not how a victim would act and the judge saw that.

My advice? In university they taught me that it's actually "healthy" to be a little anxious before an exam. That anxiety will push you to study harder and get the job done. I learned that too much or little anxiety was unhealthy though.

Go in there with your head held high and be resilient. Be thankful that she has to deal with him now an not you ... visualize what you will do that evening once it is all over while you take a deep breath of relief that it's all over. If they're aggressive, let them be aggressive....it's just a tactic to get you going. But the only place you're going is to a happier life.
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Old 09-27-2016, 08:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toothfairy81 View Post
Thank you for your support and kind words.

Do you believe that it is beneficial, to attend court with your new partner or not?

I typically attend alone, ultimately the case is between the father and the mother, the welfare and best ideal upbringing for the child.

My family has asked me if I wish to have them beside me, I feel that they might add to the level of stress/anxiety feeling .....
"each to their own" ..... One time I had a friend attend (she was curious and wanted to see my ex with the dyed hair LOL). I found it more of a distraction than anything as I felt I had to explain the process to her when all I really wanted to do was to watch my lawyer cream my ex's lawyer.

Try going one time on your own and another time with your support group. You will know what is best for your own situation.

Best of the best for you!
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Old 09-28-2016, 09:12 PM
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After 20+ court appearances, 6 yrs of litigation, not a single issue resolved, 6 figures sitting in a real estate lawyers trust account rotting and collecting flies and one mild cardiac arrest , I no longer attend court. What's the point of attending? You sit there like a lump on a log , not allowed to sneeze while a bunch of bafoons decide how their latest round of torture for the kids and yourself is going to be doled out. I send my lawyer and when I run out of money I'll send a relative. No use attending unless we actually get a trial date booked. Until then, I'm not torturing myself further. The kids need me in one piece.
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Old 09-29-2016, 01:39 PM
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@stillbreathing.......

Quote:
and when I run out of money I'll send a relative. No use attending unless we actually get a trial date booked. Until then, I'm not torturing myself further. The kids need me in one piece.
On that note...why not just compromise on something and get this nonsense over with? After 6yrs, you will be able to focus on the kids in a healthy way.
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