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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-28-2016, 08:54 AM
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Default Communicating with the ex

I know many of you have a rule about responding to your ex. I want to hear how this fits in your rule. Ill share the situation and then the "background noise".

Ex only emails when she wants money. Normally these emails follow a list of three:
1. They have little to no details. Kid needs x, total estimated cost is y. I cant afford it with out your contribution.
2. Includes some sort of shift of blame on why its coming up now. I cant remember what our decision was.
3. Ends with a "guilt" comment about costs she has had to bear which are basically because she refuses to communicate.

She emailed last night about a s7 cost they had discussed three years ago and she never dealt with it. It could be argued its not really a s7 cost but it would mean the safety of their kids. No details on where when how what etc. She was supposed to investigate it three years ago and her life was more important. I have a feeling the cost isn't going to happen but because time is running out for his portion to be paid (cs ends in three month) she wants to make sure she gets the money.

Now the background noise: both kids aren't speaking to him now. Kid 1 is pissed he didn't hand over ten grand for her schooling each year (his portion is $2000). Kid 2 has had $300-400 of gifts sent over the past year and never responds (why should I say thank you, I didn't ask for them). Ex still hasn't cashed a cheque sent in the summer, has yet to send medical expenses she asked him to pay in Sept, and still hasn't updated FRO on cs.

Im thinking ignore. Responding and pointing out the obvious gets nothing. If he does respond, I err on saying "Im not agreeing to anything until you share full details on this expense, resolve the medical expenses and advise why you haven't cashed the cheque."
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Old 11-28-2016, 11:27 AM
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I'd keep all the other issues (ungrateful kids, medical expenses and uncashed cheques) out of it. I suggest that Dad ask Mom to provide details of the proposed S7 expense. He can't make a decision until he has details of how much it will cost and why it is necessary. The end.

(I think that if it's only 3 months until CS runs out, it's not worth arguing whether this is or isn't S7, unless the amount is in the thousands of dollars).
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Old 11-28-2016, 12:02 PM
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Stripes your "voice" was in my head while talking this through with him because of what you say about does it require a response.

I was going to suggest to him that he respond requesting full details on the expense since all she said was "I think it is approximately X dollars but Im trying to see if there is a discount". His portion is only a couple hundred but its the principles involved--not sharing full details, not discussing things with him, making snide comments when she was the one who caused the problem, not dealing with previous expenses before asking for more money, and involving the kids in these discussions from a "your dad is trying to bankrupt me" perspective.
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Old 04-10-2017, 10:49 AM
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Im bumping this because my partner has made a decision and its in line with everything everyone (and me!) has been saying.

My partners ex is playing some sort of stupid game right now. She keeps asking for income information from him. Hes provided her with everything he is supposed to and she keeps asking for stuff he doesn't have to send (ie tax returns from before their divorce). The problem is that she refuses to do anything if he doesn't comply. Cash cheques, send info, provide proper documents etc. and she tells the kids hes hiding things, is a liar and trying to hurt them.

Theres more but I wont get into it. Shes just become extremely difficult to deal with on expenses when she decides to communicate. The ONLY time he hears anything is when she wants money.

He's decided to ignore her. Told her that he's not responding to any more requests unless they are necessary. Could telling her this hurt him if she decided to file court papers? Theres really nothing she could go after. She has no proof of expenses, she hasn't updated FRO on kids status/changes to cs, hes been paying his proper cs (FRO is withholding due to order) and he could use her refusal to share info and turning the kids against him in his response. We're both really tired of the bs. Theres no need to respond to her bs anymore. Its draining him. Will it backfire to take this stand where he says no to her continued ridiculous requests?
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Old 04-26-2017, 12:12 PM
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Bumping this again. I need some correspondence suggestions.

Once again my partners ex is not getting it with respect to calculating school expenses. Their agreement says to subtract loans and a contribution from kid (as part of other subtractions). His lawyer says his agreement doesnt matter, its 1/3 to kid and loans can be used for that. His ex thinks that kid should contribute to only 10% of the expenses. Their agreement works out to half the expenses.

My question is: what is the best way to explain (and impress on ex) that 1/3 is less than the agreement and in line with case law? Or is it even worth the words?

Initially he has drafted "kids portion is not in line with the agreement or case law. I have calculated it at 1/3 which is standard for school expenses and more than half what the agreement dictates".
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Old 04-26-2017, 12:52 PM
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what does the order say? Are they coming up with their own laws? I've came to the realization sometimes when you're not sure it's just best to not answer at all then to answer with something that may damage your position. nobody is pushing you to respond or respond ASAP. You respond whenever the hell you please.

If you don't agree then simply ignore. You could offer them what you're willing to pay and place the burden on them to go to court if they want more. probably not worth it for them at that point and cheaper for them to agree.

You could completely ignore also if you don't agree at all. no response is a response.

I'm to the point where if I feel like i'm being used by the other parent, bullied, or disrespected, I don't care what she's communicating to me about. I'm not responding back.

Last edited by trinton; 04-26-2017 at 12:54 PM.
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Old 04-26-2017, 01:03 PM
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His order lists the eligible expenses and then says "other agreed expenses" that are school related. She includes expenses that are not school related and have no proof (ie "clothing amounts were $500"--not eligible, no proof). To calculate it clearly states they subtract the tax deduction, loans, grants, awards, bursaries, scholarships, trust fund proceeds and a contribution from the child. She takes off the osap tuition grant and says kid can only pay $2000.

The lawyer said that loans will be rejected by a judge and its best to follow the 1/3 rule for kid. He backs it up that kid chose to take a program away from home that was available closer to home (thereby incurring additional expenses). Which means his calculations dont include ineligible expenses, subtract the tax deduction and the tuition grant but nothing else. THEN kid is allocated 1/3. Lawyer said kid can use income, loans, gifts and anything else for that 1/3.
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Old 04-26-2017, 02:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
His order lists the eligible expenses and then says "other agreed expenses" that are school related.
Are the expenses other parent has created on that list? If not, Were you consulted and did you agree to these expenses ? Or was a receipt just thrown at you.
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Old 04-26-2017, 03:19 PM
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No and no. He was willing to accept some receipts for things like kids move or an application fee because there was a receipt but these receipts provided for things that have nothing to do with school are not being accepted.
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Old 04-26-2017, 07:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
No and no. He was willing to accept some receipts for things like kids move or an application fee because there was a receipt but these receipts provided for things that have nothing to do with school are not being accepted.
it's very clear then. if there is no agreement then they are not s7. that's what was agreed upon and ultimately ordered by a judge on a final order. it is now the law whether they like it or not.

this is another one of these situations where you just have to be like



ignore the email. or simple respond. thank you for your email. I will review and get back to you at a later time. take your sweet ass time and then finally go baxk and say you've reviewed and you don't agree with the expenses. no need to provide a reason.

Last edited by trinton; 04-26-2017 at 07:22 PM.
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