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Old 12-20-2012, 12:24 PM
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Default Christmas presents for the Ex???

So my story in an nutshell; been in and out of court with Ex for almost 5 years. I guess you can say I "won" the last round of court which took up the last year of my life. Although Ex and I already had joint-custody, I was self-represented and fighting for equal access to my kids. My Ex of course thought alternate weekends without midweek access was the limit of her generosity, not only that, she filed her own motion for sole-custody. OCL weighed in and said no to sole custody and yes to equal access.

Now it's of course Christmas and surprise, Ex sends kids home with a Christmas present for my new wife and I??!?! Only thing going through my mind is WTF??? I find it hard to switch gears; how can I be the scum of the earth who doesn't even deserve custody in her eyes, but poof all of a sudden, "Merry Christmas?".

Do you give Christmas presents (or birthday presents for that matter) to your Ex?? Is it appropriate?

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Old 12-20-2012, 12:35 PM
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Is it a gift, from the kids. Maybe it was something the kids helped with, and wanted to do?

Do you have a reasonable or amicable relationship with the ex, that you would want to send a gift to her? It sounds like, probably not, at this time. Don't give a gift, if you don't mean it. :-)

Have you opened the gift yet? lol. It's not a lump of coal, or something, is it? haha.

To answer your question:

I exchange gifts with 1 ex (because we get along), and the other one, I do not, because she is a HAP parent.

The one I do exchange with, is usually a small gift, for her, and her new hubby. Something like a bottle of wine for them to share, or a gift certificate, so they can go out for a meal, etc.

Thinking of the kids...you can always get the kids involved making/buying something, for the other parent, and have it "from them too".
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:14 PM
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So far the only time I purchase anything is a mothers day card and usually a flower. Our daughter actually does this but I think its an important day so it makes sense. Our daughter made Mom a christmas card so we sent that as well. Its really up to our daughter. By all means I would not spend more than $20 on my ex in these situations and it would have to be a special occasion, but I don't see the harm in it. It also goes a long way with showing our daughter that I do not hate her mom and am trying to do something to facilitate something positive in their relationship.
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:17 PM
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You might want to hold the box up to your ear to see if its ticking....

lol
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
You might want to hold the box up to your ear to see if its ticking....

lol
Very good point. Whatever you do, make sure that you open it outside.
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:29 PM
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I sent a christmas present to my ex from our boy the first christmas.

It was met with anger and incresed conflict for a few months.

I suggest you just take it in stride and say 'thanks'.

It doesn't have to mean any of the things you want to assign to it, other than maybe holiday spirit.
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:30 PM
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I buy stuff for the ex from my daughter (with my daughter, I normally let her pick it out) christmas and mothers day. I rarely get anything in return. I do it because sometimes the small gestures of kindness grant me some peace of mind for a period of time, as it puts me back in the good books with the ex.

Plus my daughter likes it. She likes the idea that mom and dad get along well enough to buy each other things. When I suggested last night that we spend a bit of our time together to go shopping for mom, my daughter got all bright eyed and happy. Now, the "shopping" ended up with us at Tim Hortons getting D7 a hot chocolate, the ex a $25 Tim's card and myself a coffee. But it was something that made D7 happy so it was money well spent.
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Old 12-20-2012, 02:07 PM
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Last Christmas my kids tipped me off that my ex was getting me something. They had been furious that I hadn't acknowledged her birthday. I did get her something.

This year I am making a basket of treats for the whole family, including her mom and step father. That will be the gift to everyone there who isn't one of the kids.
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Old 12-20-2012, 02:30 PM
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Really, doing that sort of thing (going out with kid and buying present for the kids other parent) builds a positive sense of family (even when dysfuncional) that every kid needs and craves.

It is a wholesome excercise that fosters the child well being.

Now if it's a gift from 'the ex' well maybe there is an issue there... who am I to say either way?
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Old 12-20-2012, 02:32 PM
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I give money to the kids and they by a present for the ex. They get the pleasure of picking something nice and giving and that makes them happy. That is all that matters to me.
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