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Old 10-12-2010, 03:07 PM
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Default Can you please help me!

My girl friend and I have split. It was not my choice to break-up. I was living with her at her parents house for about a year and 4 months. We have a kid on the way and is expected to be due Jan. 19th. For the past 4 days, she has refussed to talk to me about any detail or what should happen when the baby is due. Her parents kicked me out because they think I'm violent and they don't want that around the baby or my ex. You can ask anyone in my life that I've known, "I'm not violent." I have no intentions of ever being violent. He put a restraining order on his house, so therefore I can not even see her. He has also called the police on me for tryioing to contact my ex. I'm trying to contact her because I'm trying to figure out whats best for the baby. If we go to court, is there any chance of using a lie detecting machine they have? If so, this would clear up a lot about me being violent. He is also saying that I smoke pot. I do not smoke pot.

I also told her that I was going to commit suicide, which I did not. But Im going to a psychological evaluation and parenting assessment. If I have the certificate saying, "I would never do this" would they still be able to use this against me?


Now I read on a site that any violence in the pst doesnt matter. If the judges looks you up online and see's nothing, is it all good? Another thing, she lives with her parents. Does this mean she has a better chance of having more custody of the child? If it gets taken to court, and her father says we'll support her for whatever she needs after she moves out, will she win that?

If you are able to answer these questions that would be tremendous!

Thanks again

Jake
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Old 10-12-2010, 03:16 PM
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maybe you could talk to her dad and ask if they would be willing to go to a mediator or councellor with you so you's can work something out...
...show you are trying to clear things up and move forward in a positive direction... also make sure you let know you are willing to financially support your child - this might help in the agreeing to seek councelling as a family unit
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Old 10-12-2010, 03:56 PM
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I would do that but there is no contact allowed. So, Im thinking that when the baby is born, the court and lawyers will have to settle it. I just cant get over the fact how much I loved her, you know?
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Old 10-12-2010, 04:09 PM
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Did he actually get a restraining order, or did he just say he did?

If it gets taken to court you will find that
- YOU (not her father) must support her financially
- SHE must permit you to be a father to the child (unless she can convince a judge you are a danger to her or your child)

I agree with rustedinnocence that you have to keep pushing forward towards reestablishing contact and working out a plan for co-parenting on the basis that their accusations are unfounded. Make it clear to them that you understand they are using false accusations as a way to block your attempts to be an involved and supportive parent.

Otherwise, you start acting as if their accusations are true, and that is their first victory.

If there is an actual restraining order in place, maybe you need to get a lawyers advice on how to get around the 'no contact' clause.

Last edited by dinkyface; 10-12-2010 at 04:17 PM.
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Old 10-12-2010, 04:15 PM
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When I was kicked out, He had two security guards there, one of them was retired OPP. And he just said it to me.

I know that I must support the baby, but I have to support her as well?
I am not danger to the child.. I have started Psycoglogical Evaluation and Parenting Assessments with a doctor, and right now they see nothing in me.
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Old 10-12-2010, 04:28 PM
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You have to give her money. What she does with it is her own business, you have no say in that. But it is intended to cover things like increased housing costs (higher rent/mortgage/utilities/etc for a bigger place), increased transportation costs (bigger car, more gas, more maintenance), plus the obvious food/clothing/diapers/furniture/carseat/bottles/etc. You are also expected to pay for your share of daycare costs to enable her to work or go to school.

Double check on the restraining order (not sure how, sorry) - sounds like maybe you have just been intimidated. Oh, and another thing... security guards are NOT POLICE!! 'Retired OPP', oooooh!

See here http://blog.lawyerahead.ca/news-in-c...raining-order/

Last edited by dinkyface; 10-12-2010 at 04:36 PM.
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Old 10-12-2010, 04:48 PM
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So in all other words, pretty much there is no restraining order. He never went to court nor was there a lawyer present at the time. And its going to be hard for them to prove why they need a restraining order. Thats good to know, i mean im not going to go over there but least i know its just all talk now.And on my end, I was kicked out and she is still living with her parents. Are you sure I would have to pay for her stuff and not just child support?
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Old 10-12-2010, 05:11 PM
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If you only lived together for 1 year, then you simply have to pay her child support, based on your income, or based on both your incomes if you both take care of the child equally. There is simply a table amount that you can look up - see 'child support tables'.

What do want with respect to raising the child? Do you want to be an 'every other weekend dad', or do you want to raise the child equally (ie each have the same amount of time with the child)?
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Old 10-12-2010, 05:25 PM
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K, Ill lokk that table up.

I want to be an equal sharing dad. But her parents make it tough. Cuz in court they are going to say that I was abusive and violent. I am neither, and I started psychological evaluation and parenting assessments to back me up.
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Old 10-12-2010, 05:34 PM
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You need to make sure YOU are named on the child's birth certificate once she has it. If she chooses to NOT acknowledge that, then you need to include that as part of your court application.

You must also begin paying her offset table amounts of child support starting the first day of the month AFTER she has the baby. (In the absence of a court order, start acting like you already have the access you want to wind up with. Unless the mother is a physical danger to the child, the BEST you will get is shared 50-50).

You as well as your child have a right to 50-50 physical access and joint custody. Your EX has the same right. Her parents can offer to support her all they want, bottom line is that this is between YOU and HER, not YOU, HER and HER PARENTS.

If she chooses to breastfeed, she can attempt to delay you having 50-50 for 6 months to a year, and your introduction to overnight access will take several months to get into effect. This is a common tactic, be prepared for it. If she's bottle feeding, there is NO REASON you cannot have the child 50-50 from the get go.

Complete your parenting assessment, see if there is anything offered in your area for parenting after divorce or similar you could take. Take any kind of parenting classes you can find. Get documentation that you are making serious effort to be a parent.

You'll probably need a lawyer at some point, start looking now. (it CAN get expensive).

Write up a comprehensive parenting plan to go along with your application. (google "parenting plan")

In so far as the "restraining order" call your local OPP or RCMP detachment to inquire (politely) if there is anything on file. Indicate you were told this by an security guard at the home and wanted to followup and make sure if there was anything in place.

Keep ANY correspondence polite and professional. If you have an email address for her, then send it there. Send it ONCE and only once. Indicate you want to be a part of your child's life, and that your expectation will be shared 50-50 custody, with joint decision making via a parallel parenting model.

Request she confirm your name will be added to the birth certificate, and that you be informed as to when she has the child so the two of you can make arrangements to finalize the details and so you can make arrangements to begin payment of appropriate amounts of child support. Stick a response required by date on it. After that, if you don't receive any response, then you go to a lawyer and get the process started.
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