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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2017, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asphenaz View Post
I agree with sidelines, and with your sentiments as well. It's ok to accept your wish to feel petty and get even, but why act on it? What's is the benefit to you and your family?



While I'm not saying your ex (or mine) is a narcisist; I prefer the "gray rock" technique instead of 'no contact' in dealing with them.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKv77LTKil4)


When I read the description for this page as a place to vent, I felt that is what I was doing. I recognized I was being petty. But got hammered anyway.
Thank you for the response. I actually didn't have the intention of acting on my frustration.
And how did you guess they were a narcissist? I have been doing a lot of reading on the subject since I discovered this myself.



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Old 01-31-2017, 02:27 PM
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Hello,

Sorry didn't mean to 'hammer you', I should have said, "I understand and agree with the need to vent". After venting I always try to look at those times as a way to improve myself. That's why a while back I stopped labeling my ex, as this or that, because it's not worth my time. It was starting to affect how I lived and the time I spent with the kids and friends.

What was worth my time is learning techniques and ways to deal with future instances.
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Old 01-31-2017, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asphenaz View Post
Hello,

Sorry didn't mean to 'hammer you', I should have said, "I understand and agree with the need to vent". After venting I always try to look at those times as a way to improve myself. That's why a while back I stopped labeling my ex, as this or that, because it's not worth my time. It was starting to affect how I lived and the time I spent with the kids and friends.

What was worth my time is learning techniques and ways to deal with future instances.


Oh no sorry, I didn't mean you were hammering me. The other responses were harsh or automatically judgemental and suspicious. I really was just venting. The gray rock method is interesting. When the kids are 30 hopefully we'll finally have no contact. Until then, I imagine I'll be dragged back for more. I wonder how many "final orders" you're allowed to revisit?


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Old 01-31-2017, 03:47 PM
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If you are female and you start a thread on this forum chances are that you will be mercilessly attacked. It is just the way it is, particularly if you have custody. It is the same with regards to spousal support, particularly if you are the recipient. Still there is much information to garner here. Just don't take things personally and sift through everything and carry on.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
If you are female and you start a thread on this forum chances are that you will be mercilessly attacked. It is just the way it is, particularly if you have custody. It is the same with regards to spousal support, particularly if you are the recipient. Still there is much information to garner here. Just don't take things personally and sift through everything and carry on.





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Old 01-31-2017, 07:43 PM
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Personally, I can understand the frustration.

My advice...just let go what you can let go and know that one day, your kids will be of age and the nonsense will be over.

I'm living for that day myself.
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Old 01-31-2017, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Star7ontario View Post
When I read the description for this page as a place to vent, I felt that is what I was doing. I recognized I was being petty. But got hammered anyway.
Thank you for the response. I actually didn't have the intention of acting on my frustration.
Yes, the description says General Chat is for venting, however many of us regulars just hit the "new posts" option and don't pay any attention to which subforum a thread is from, and treat vents as actual questions. Or it could just be me.
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Old 01-31-2017, 10:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Yes, the description says General Chat is for venting, however many of us regulars just hit the "new posts" option and don't pay any attention to which subforum a thread is from, and treat vents as actual questions. Or it could just be me.


I'm pretty sure I just got zinged again for not reading all the threads before I asked a question so... regulars need to be aware of where and what they are answering. In addition, it is polite to clarify rather than judge. All circumstances are different. I definitely get the sense as stated, that as a female I got more backlash. I get that in the court men are generally given the shaft. I have some friends who have been treated quite unfairly, certainly far from equal or how they might have been treated as a woman. I am forward thinking and fair. And this isn't the court. I expected more I suppose.
Having said that, I have appreciated the advice and learned a lot. And learned not to bother expressing frustrations etc in my questions, just ask for facts. Live and learn.


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Old 01-31-2017, 10:19 PM
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Star7 please feel free to express ALL of your opinions including your frustrations. You are only human.

Moderators are the only ones who have the ability to move a thread.
We do welcome your opinion. If someone (or you) believe you are posting in the wrong category they only have to alert the moderators and politely request some assistance (note the little red bell on the top of the post).

You are new and we will hopefully give you a bit more guidance on where your posts will receive the best response.
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Old 01-31-2017, 10:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Star7 please feel free to express ALL of your opinions including your frustrations. You are only human.

Moderators are the only ones who have the ability to move a thread.
We do welcome your opinion. If someone (or you) believe you are posting in the wrong category they only have to alert the moderators and politely request some assistance (note the little red bell on the top of the post).

You are new and we will hopefully give you a bit more guidance on where your posts will receive the best response.


Thank you Arabian. Lol I will stop bellyaching. I think that first day I was just hot off of a frustrating situation.


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