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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2014, 02:39 AM
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Originally Posted by stripes View Post

Like several of the posters here, I was in a long-term (25 year) relationship which began when we were both very young, which meant that my entire adult self was bound up with being half of a couple with my ex. Happily, I can report that it is possible to find a much better love in middle age. I fully expected to spend the rest of my life as a crazy cat lady, but it looks like that may be off the agenda. It took me two and a half years to be able even contemplate entering the dating pool, and I'm glad I waited a good long time. You will know when (or if) the time is right for you to look around again.
I can relate to that - the crazy dog lady! I'm still nowhere near ready to think about dating ... I feel it would be a mistake to try to rush the healing process (out of the frying pan into the fire).

For now I'm concentrating on my family, friends, de-cluttering my life and learning to be at peace with myself by myself (dogs included of course).
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Old 10-24-2014, 09:16 PM
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I only hope that everyone gets to where they want to be and it is comforting to hear of some that are still alive after 25+ years married. I hope to one day be able to say I did it or I am close to being normal. For now I recognize I am not. I am still at the emotional wreck stage. It is nice to hear other people with more experience express that it is do-able.
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Old 10-24-2014, 09:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Craigerst View Post
I only hope that everyone gets to where they want to be and it is comforting to hear of some that are still alive after 25+ years married. I hope to one day be able to say I did it or I am close to being normal. For now I recognize I am not. I am still at the emotional wreck stage. It is nice to hear other people with more experience express that it is do-able.
And when did I ever state that I was normal - that is highly debatable lol?

How does one begin to cope with it all ... I believe we cope because the alternative option is not an option - at least not in my opinion. Divorcing is never easy especially after a long term marriage and it would be wise to take it one problem at a time.

Of course we need legal advice, that goes without saying but there also this new way of life that is somewhat 'alien' to what we have known for many years. That can be daunting in the beginning.

I remember the first couple of months, I was a basket-case going from elation at being single to terror at being single (if that makes any sense).
Surround yourself with good people, family, friends, those you trust.

There were days when all I could do was to set myself on auto-pilot in order to progress ex. call my lawyer, make a cup of tea, walk the dogs, call my dentist, do the wash, don't forget to eat etc.

It takes time and patience - remember you are learning to understand who you are now - not who you used to be. It does get better.
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Old 10-24-2014, 09:42 PM
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I appreciate that advice. It is comforting if you will to hear someone describe themselves as a basket case the first couple of months. That is where I am at now. I have been wandering through many threads reading thing that both scare me and comfort me. I need to first make myself better I beleive is the stage I am at. I need to remember that life is not over. I must remind myself that I could be tied up in a custody issue which I am not. Simply put I have to quit fearing it is the end of the world.
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Old 10-24-2014, 10:01 PM
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It does feel like the end-of-the-world that you have known ... that's what makes us crazy in the beginning. To have so many unanswered questions and doubts to deal with plus the family, financials, guilt, sense of loss.

The best advice that I was given is this: ''you are not a failure because your marriage has failed - 25 years is not a failure, it's a quarter of a century of keeping things together, hard work, dreams and disappointments, raising a family and making sacrifices - no you are NOT a failure!".

Make it a point to take really good care of your health at this time in your life. Stress is a killer, you have to find ways of helping yourself get through this.
Make a few easy to accomplish plans/projects, so you have things to look forwards to.
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Old 10-24-2014, 10:10 PM
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I will heed your advice. I notice that I have dropped some weight that I cannot really afford to. My build is slender to begin with. I must watch my health.
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