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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2014, 02:43 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Hey do you think your ex would physically assault you in the courthouse? Wow. Get some really nasty perfume spray for your purse in the event you're stuck in the same elevator. I don't know what courthouses are like where you live but in Edmonton there are cops crawling all over the place and security is very tight, just like going through airport security.

Looking forward to dating is a great sign. I'm not there yet. Perhaps this winter. Hmmm.

Consensus I've heard about getting over marriage is 7 years. I do know that things get emotionally better as each year goes by. I'm at year 5 and I don't think about him as much which makes it much better.
No kidding, the EX started shoving my lawyer and yelling in his face last year at the CC, I was so ashamed of him. He definitely deserved his mandatory anger-management sessions. He's his own worst enemy
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Old 10-16-2014, 10:00 PM
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I just did the math. Based on the post that said it takes one year for every 5 to get over a divorce I have to live to 167. I am good with that...... I am a 6 week out guy and it is sheer freaking brutal. I would not wish this upon the devil himself.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-16-2014, 10:02 PM
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Hey Jannibel, do not answer if it makes you uncomfortable but your locations says way up north is it safe to assume Ontario North. Just curious. I love northern Ontario.
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Old 10-16-2014, 11:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
No kidding, the EX started shoving my lawyer and yelling in his face last year at the CC, I was so ashamed of him. He definitely deserved his mandatory anger-management sessions. He's his own worst enemy
Ahh.. The louder they get, the more powerful they feel. Ashamed of him? Don't be!

Try to think of your ex husband as you would the significance of a mosquito. It might make you feel better. That blood-sucking, annoying and persistent buzzer he is!

Bzz-bzzzzzzz-zzzt bzzzzz-bzzt at your ear on a hot summer night.

He'll try to get to you because he needs you to survive; at least he thinks he does.

The best part is that you're way bigger than him. Stronger than you were before by some of your posts. So empower yourself. Sure, you can wave him away (restraining order), light your citronella candles (build a future) and cover yourself with Off (support). He'll still keep coming back if you let him.

So let him find his own demise. He'll get tired soon. That judge's gavel might make a few misses too, but before long that essentially insignificant small buzzing sound will meet a very loud smack (trial ruling). And.. (splat!)

You're not alone. We've all been bitten by mosquitos in some way.

I hope this silliness helps.
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Old 10-17-2014, 12:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Craigerst View Post
I just did the math. Based on the post that said it takes one year for every 5 to get over a divorce I have to live to 167. I am good with that...... I am a 6 week out guy and it is sheer freaking brutal. I would not wish this upon the devil himself.
Okay, don't do math when you are under stress. For your 30 year marriage, at 1 year per 5, they say it would take you 6 years to get over it. I doubt you are 161 already!

And I think everybody proceeds at their own timeline, and under their own circumstances. Someone with a control-freak ex would take longer, someone who pays lots of CS or SS would take longer, someone who still has to have contact with their ex because of children will take longer. And someone who moved in with their affair partner right away would take much less time!
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Old 10-17-2014, 12:27 AM
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And I think everybody proceeds at their own timeline, and under their own circumstances. Someone with a control-freak ex would take longer, someone who pays lots of CS or SS would take longer, someone who still has to have contact with their ex because of children will take longer. And someone who moved in with their affair partner right away would take much less time!
Well said.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2014, 01:18 AM
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Divorce takes a long long time to get over. I'm about 4 years post-separation and it's only really in the last few months that I've felt like an entirely new person. I had periods a couple of years ago when it felt like I literally could not get angry and hateful thoughts about the ex out of my head and wondered if I was doomed to be filled with negativity forever. Those days are gone, now, fortunately (although when ex decides to be a jerk he can still push plenty of buttons).

One thing I'm pretty sure of is that quick fixes - major changes undertaken to distract yourself from the pain you're going through - don't work. This includes the new bf/gf, whether an affair partner or a rebound or someone off the internet. You have to walk through the dark forest on your own before you can continue on with someone else.

Like several of the posters here, I was in a long-term (25 year) relationship which began when we were both very young, which meant that my entire adult self was bound up with being half of a couple with my ex. Happily, I can report that it is possible to find a much better love in middle age. I fully expected to spend the rest of my life as a crazy cat lady, but it looks like that may be off the agenda. It took me two and a half years to be able even contemplate entering the dating pool, and I'm glad I waited a good long time. You will know when (or if) the time is right for you to look around again.

There's a difference between hanging onto your bitterness and anger (feeding it, relishing it, deriving purpose from it), and being stuck with a mind full of bitterness and anger that you really don't want. As long as you keep the intention of moving on and eventually becoming indifferent to your ex, and don't get too comfortable in your anger, you'll be okay in the end, even if it feels like you're stuck at points along the way.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2014, 02:22 AM
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Hey Jannibel, do not answer if it makes you uncomfortable but your locations says way up north is it safe to assume Ontario North. Just curious. I love northern Ontario.
Not at all - I'm in Northern Quebec ... home of poutine and hockey-freaks!
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2014, 02:26 AM
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Originally Posted by MommyTime View Post
Ahh.. The louder they get, the more powerful they feel. Ashamed of him? Don't be!

Try to think of your ex husband as you would the significance of a mosquito. It might make you feel better. That blood-sucking, annoying and persistent buzzer he is!

Bzz-bzzzzzzz-zzzt bzzzzz-bzzt at your ear on a hot summer night.

He'll try to get to you because he needs you to survive; at least he thinks he does.

The best part is that you're way bigger than him. Stronger than you were before by some of your posts. So empower yourself. Sure, you can wave him away (restraining order), light your citronella candles (build a future) and cover yourself with Off (support). He'll still keep coming back if you let him.

So let him find his own demise. He'll get tired soon. That judge's gavel might make a few misses too, but before long that essentially insignificant small buzzing sound will meet a very loud smack (trial ruling). And.. (splat!)

You're not alone. We've all been bitten by mosquitos in some way.

I hope this silliness helps.
Thanks, and there's a lot to be said about comic relief! Works for me.

The mosquito is not doing well at all. There's a strong possibility that I may become a widow before being a divorcee. The Ex being very ill.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2014, 02:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
The mosquito is not doing well at all. There's a strong possibility that I may become a widow before being a divorcee. The Ex being very ill.
Did mosquito contract the West Nile Virus himself? Sadly, karma has a way of working things out sometimes. If he survives, I hope a better path will form for him (and away from you!).

Stay strong, and do not take his illness as an instrument to weaken you (although that can only be up to you). However, you should be proud of the journey you've accomplished.
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