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Old 02-11-2016, 12:01 PM
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Angry aggressive STBX

My STBX has a very angry and aggressive personality. His body language speaks volumes, and he doesn't do much to control it. This morning he texted me to pick up our oldest son 15 mins earlier than usual. I was walking the dog and didn't get the text until he was there waiting. Before I arrived from the dog walk, he yelled at our caregiver in front of our son, and threw a few things on the floor (coat, etc., that was laid out for child to wear). This is a new caregiver and she told me she was scared and afraid now of my STBX. Also when I was approaching the house, he came out gesticulating wildly and yelling at me - in front of my other 2 kids in the car. When I saw him I turned and walked away with the dog. A car slowed down as it was passing us, presumably because they saw STBX approaching me like a crazy man.
What can I do to keep my kids from being a part of this crazy animosity and aggressive behaviour? I'm living in the marital home, so he still has access, and any mention of courtesy when entering involves him exploding into 'IT'S MY HOUSE TOO' rants. Suggestions?
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Old 02-11-2016, 12:08 PM
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Do you have an Order for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home?

Perhaps speak to your lawyer about this.
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Old 02-11-2016, 12:19 PM
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Is there any way to have exchanges at a more neutral location?
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Old 02-11-2016, 01:20 PM
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He lives on the same street and I doubt will agree to any other location for exchanges. The kids are 7, 5 and 3 so there's not a lot of choice. They're all in different schools, so we both take part in drop offs. I don't have exclusive possession of the home. We are just about to list it for sale, not sure if that makes a difference.
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Old 02-11-2016, 02:34 PM
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You can request exclusive possession of the matrimonial home. Sometimes lawyers will agree to this without going to court.

Your home could take many months to sell and you should be able to have peace of mind, and privacy, while you live there.

I'd simply ask the lawyer about this. You can still have pick-up/drop-offs at the home, however he would not be allowed to enter the home without your prior approval.
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:12 PM
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Word of the day is: "gesticulating"
use gestures, especially dramatic ones, instead of speaking or to emphasize one's words.
The best way to do exchanges is at school or daycare. Parent A drops off at school and Parent B picks up. Parent B then drops off and Parent A picks up. Rinse... Repeat...

If you remain on the same street you can always have them walk themselves over once the 3 year old is 4 and the 7 year old is 8. Also, the kids are old enough to walk into the house and out themselves. So, people don't need to come to the front door.

I would recommend standing at the end of the other parent's drive way and have the children walk up themselves and go to the door. Stand on the side walk.

Often high conflict people will mimic the behavior of others. If you are consistent with how you conduct yourself they may simply do the same thing.

Weird stuff goes through their heads on strategy all the time and they may think you are doing it to gain some sort of advantage and may do the same thing to neutralize this delusional belief they have formed... Even when you are just demonstrating good behaviour.

I find if you try to talk something out with the highly conflicted it is worse than just doing it yourself and demonstrating the good behaviour than trying to ask them to be good.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 02-11-2016 at 03:18 PM.
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