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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #51 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2008, 07:08 AM
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I think that every case should be taken on their merits.
Take into consideration both household incomes, and go from there.

It's obvious we have various situations as is clear from the many, many posts on this one thread.
You have the first families where the CP works their butt off with little or no support from the ex since the ex has diverted income to the second family un-proportionately. Then you have cases where the ex is paying proportionately greater amounts to the first family where that CP chooses not to give 100% to help with the costs of raising the children and his new family takes the hit.

The list is endless for variations when we are dealing with a society where it is common to be in a second or even third relationship and the laws have not caught up. It's no different then getting other laws reinforced. Nothing changes until something terrible has happened, or someone (usually a lot of some ones) gets hurt due to a lack of preventative thinking. The government is not known for being preventative, but rather it's more of a knee jerk reaction to travesty, and then and only then will they consider change. So what’s the cost here, do first families have to remain in poverty, or do second, how long must the cycle be allowed to continue and how many innocent children’s lives must be harmed before the government wakes up?

All children are equal, the first should not compensate for the second, and ditto for the second and third. We should have a law that takes into account "ALL" children that an individual is legally responsible for, then factor into the equations how the CP will be responsible, instead of making assumptions that the CP are giving 100% in 100% of the cases.

There are those out there who have done it along, zero help from the ex (I'm one of them). There are those that abuse the system and the second and maybe third families suffer for their benefit. But until "society" as a whole decides that they have had enough, that enough children have suffered, there can be a million of these forums for people to vent on, but the laws will not change.

We are very lucky to live in a country where the populous drives law.
Sure it tends to be a sloooowwwww drive, but if the CP that gives 100% with no help from the ex, and the second and third families all choose to make a difference a change will happen. Albeit slow, but ultimately it will change. I think the thread should be how can we make a “real” difference. How can “I” as a single person do something that will cause a shift in government thinking? The population did it once to get this reform that ultimately reduced poverty among first families, but that change caused a ripple affect, and shifted the poverty to the paying parent and subsequent families. The government has basically said that only first families matter, and that the NCP are to be exiled to a life void of human affection, void of a family to be apart of for more than every other week end. IN today’s world that’s not acceptable, no one entity should decide the life of another, and that’s what has happened with the last change in Family Law. If it was done once, can it not be done again? How can we, as in all of us, make a difference? We are all struggling in our unique situations, how can we help each other so that we are all treated fairly and equally?

Oh, my that's a long post, sorry.
  #52 (permalink)  
Old 07-05-2008, 12:57 PM
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Great posts FL Needs to Change and LV.

I hope the government wakes up and realizes "times have changed" and updates family law to keep pace with reality. I have written numerous MP's only to get standard replies so far. I will keep writing and hoping someone takes notice. I don't want first families to suffer, but neither do I want second children to suffer.

They did change the laws in Australia to include accountibility of the CP, second families are acknowledged, and CS is adjusted according to the time each parent spends with the kids. Common sense stuff really.

I read that second wives were largely responsible for this change in Aus. so I will keep trying. I hope everyone else will too!
  #53 (permalink)  
Old 10-21-2008, 04:13 PM
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o.k, so, how do all of the second wives band together? If Australia (and sometimes in the U.S) can do it, so can we. I think that we are in a perfect economic time to bring this change about. Has anyone gotten anywhere? Written letters, can share some experience with me to help get equal treatment for my 'second' children? Let me know, I would like to see this change come about.
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Old 10-23-2008, 12:23 AM
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Default Yes Sara!

Second wives really need to band together to get any changes. I have written alot of letters to politicians but have only recieved standard replies from most, saying that the guidelines are doing a good job. They definately have never been in our shoes. I think when they recive a letter from only one person it is easy to ignore it. We need numbers. I do want to get together with others in our situation. I am willing to put in the time and work. Can you contact my private email and we can discuss further?
Thanks!
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