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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 07-28-2014, 11:06 PM
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Default Worried about divorce?

divorce360.com | Stop Worrying about Divorce


Very good article on the do's and don'ts associated with the divorce process. ''This too shall pass'' has become my daily mantra.
Worried About Divorce? Do These 5 Tips Today



By NANCY VOGL

Worry. You’re about to read from an expert on the subject of worrying. That’s right. I’m brilliant at it. And I'm not the only one. If you've decided to end your marriage or have recently gotten a divorce, stress, grief and worry are a state of being as you cope with the emotional baggage of a split.

Marcus Aurelius said: “Our life is what our thoughts make it.” (It’s hard to write about anything inspirational without emphasizing the importance of how and what we think, so this will be repeated often in subsequent articles).




I took the Dale Carnegie Course many years ago when I was a newly single mom and the wounds of my failed, yet turbulent marriage, were still stinging quite loudly. I had met a great speaker, Michael Wickett, at a seminar and somehow he sensed I had potential and arranged for this financially-strapped mama to take the course. It was one of the best things I’ve ever experienced as it got me out of my shell, in front of a group of people, and gave me the confidence I desperately lacked.

During the course I encountered one of the best books I’ve ever read: “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” by Dale Carnegie. On the jacket flap it says: “Worry saps energy, warps thinking and kills ambition.” Isn’t that the truth? I can’t tell you how many times I catch myself worrying, and I have to fight it almost every day.

During the many phases of divorce, it is so easy to get caught up in the throes of worry: How will I survive? Will I ever find love again? What about my finances? How will the children cope? I feel like such a failure...and on and on. So, this for the benefit of anyone out there who has a serious case of the worries, just like me.

Here are the Dale Carnegie basics for overcoming worry:

1. Live in day-tight compartments.
This means that the past is the past and the future is only a thought. You must live in the moment, only for today. Take care of what you can take care of today, and do the same the next day, and the next. There is no point in worrying about tomorrow because it isn’t here, and all of the garbage rolling around in your head is for naught. Your divorce, and all of the ramifications of it really will pass, eventually. Time heals all things.

2. A Magic formula.
Take a problem or situation you are worrying about. Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen?” Now, prepare to ACCEPT it as if you have to. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst. It’s amazing how acceptance defuses the situation so you can go on living.

3. Analyze what it is you are worrying about.
Get the facts; analyze the facts; arrive at a decision – then ACT on that decision. This is a very freeing motion that will advance you forward. Isn’t that better than being stuck?

4. Cooperate with the inevitable.
If something is bound to happen, why stress out over it? Go back to number 2 above. And heed the words of the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

5. If you have a lemon make lemonade.
There is a blessing in every single thing that happens to us, but we allow the circumstances to cloud our ability to look at things in a positive way. When you can learn to analyze situations to find the good you’ll find that worry dissipates naturally.

Folks, there are many more fine points I learned from Dale Carnegie’s great book. It’s an old one but the principles are as applicable to today, if not more so, than ever. Bottom-line, it still goes back to what you allow to enter into your head, what you do with those notions once they’re there, and what you do to help them escape. Think about it.


THINGS TO CONSIDER:

1. Take it one day at a time…and know “this” too shall pass.
2. What you think about is what will manifest in your life. Therefore, think positive.
3. Expect the best, but be prepared for the inevitable.

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