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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 11-17-2005, 01:14 PM
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Default Working it out together

My wife & I have been attempting to get a separation agreement in place for 1.5 years and it should be an easy thing but.......

Her lawyer has advised her not to try to work things with me but that everything has to go through her. So, letters go back & forth about little matters that could have been discussed between the two of us.

(I need to note that there are NO issues regarding violence of any type)

I just think that her solicitor is trying to make more $$$$$.

Her lawyer has also advised her that all separation agreements need to go to court & has her all prepped to go. There really isn't a need to go to court as we can work out everything if there was some compromise - I have been the only one compromising at this time!

Has anyone else ran into this situation?

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Old 11-21-2005, 10:59 PM
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Hi Gwen,

I mostly answered that in your other thread:
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f6/newbie-191/

Sometimes back and forth letters are necessary - it can be important to have a proper paper trail. However, at some point, you're going to need to get everyone together in a room to finalize things. It can be a court room, but hopefully a mediation / negotiation room as well. You can only go so far with letters.
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Old 11-22-2005, 08:57 PM
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Not knowing the nature of your relationship, if she is intimidated by you or feels like she has a hard time standing up for herself when you two discuss things, she might feel more comfortable letting her attorney handle everything.

I know you think everything would be easier if the two of you could work things out directly, but perhaps that is because you feel that is what would work best for you. Since this is how things are proceeding just go along with it and make sure everything is taken care of. No use in trying to force the issue and cutting out the attorneys at this point. It is unlikely to happen.
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Old 11-23-2005, 08:54 AM
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In reality, she's the one who "wore the pants in the house" while we were married. I think that she knows what her lawyer is going after is not fair & she doesn't want to face me for this reason. As well, she's been involving the kids - trying to get $$$$ back from me through the separation agreement for a loan she made to my daughter who has since paid her mother back.

If we could just talk, everything would be divided up & we both could get on with our lives.
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Old 12-09-2005, 08:37 PM
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It would be easier to work thing out without lawyers. But sometimes leaving the"paper trail" is the best thing for you and her. Everyone is hurt by divorce. It will always be an ugly situation. Even if you have a divorce that went smoothly. It sounds like you are a bit hurt and confused and want some answers and she is unwilling to meet you in private to discuss matters. She may be hurt also and wants to avoid any confortation or mixed feelings. Sometimes mediation is the best in these circumstances.
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