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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2012, 11:00 PM
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There is an expectation that the parties will employ a level of common sense and some good will to "make the order work" to the best of their ability. There needs to be some compromise when terms of the court order are not so clear cut. Unfortunately, if one party is unwilling to make the order work and is always looking for loopholes, they will find them. Court orders can not cover each and every circumstance, because they are often not crafted with this foresight in mind.

Someone once said on this forum (think it was DTTE) that the court order starts losing its value the minute it is issued because circumstances change. Reasonable people would just make it work by reaching an agreement outside of the order, others may insist on having the court order varied to reflect the new reality. But in my opinion, there is no full-proof way of wording a court order that it is going to stand the test of time or be exact to the smallest detail.

Sorry, no advice for you as such, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone in facing this.

Last edited by Nadia; 09-19-2012 at 11:37 PM.
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia View Post
There is an expectation that the parties will employ a level of common sense and some good will to "make the order work" to the best of their ability. There needs to be some compromise when terms of the court order are not so clear cut. Unfortunately, if one party is unwilling to make the order work and is always looking for loopholes, they will find them. Court orders can not cover each and every circumstance, because they are often not crafted with this foresight in mind.

Someone once said on this forum (think it was DTTE) that the court order starts losing its value the minute it is issued because circumstances change. Reasonable people would just make it work by reaching an agreement outside of the order, others may insist on having the court order varied to reflect the new reality. But in my opinion, there is no full-proof way of wording a court order that it is going to stand the test of time or be exact to the smallest detail.

Sorry, no advice for you as such, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone in facing this.
Thank you, I know that I can only close so many things but what I want is for some of these loopholes to not become the status quo. That is my main issue, to allow it to continue to happen and allow the fact that she is dictating how the order will work and which parts she will use at what time just sets us up for failure. I know that compromise is needed, and I know that we need to learn to work together, but unfortunatly as time goes on she continues to feel that she has this "ultimate" power over how the access schedule works and its really frustrating. I do alot of volunteer work, and some of it is not age appropriate but I am going to have to start giving these things up because I have no idea whatesoever when I will have our daughter anymore. It seems that every long weekend she changes the rules and any chance she can she adjusts things to her benefit.

Last edited by fireweb13; 09-20-2012 at 09:15 AM.
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:48 AM
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This is what we have for Easter weekend in our court order:

"The parties shall alternate their time spent with the children each year foe Easter Weekend with the applicant father having the children in even numbered years and the respondent mothers having them in odd years. When the applicant father has the children for this weekend, he shall pick the children on the Thursday at their school(s) or daycare(s) and keep them until Tuesday morning when they will be returned to their school(s) or daycare(s). If the weekend falls on a weekend in which the children would normally be with a parent, the parent will have the children on the following weekend."

Could this be applied to your long weekends?
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Old 09-20-2012, 10:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia View Post
This is what we have for Easter weekend in our court order:

If the weekend falls on a weekend in which the children would normally be with a parent, the parent will have the children on the following weekend."

Could this be applied to your long weekends?
Great, this is the line that I could see causing problems. Would this wording work? "The parent who does not have access on the (long weekend, easter ect) will have the child the following weekend and the EOW schedule will continue from there."
I do not like the last bit, but we are on a start now. Thank you
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:14 PM
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Working on specific clauses. Can anyone help with wording a clause for Funerals. I know it sounds like it should be reasonable that if a family or very close friend passes away that the child should be allowed to attend without any problems, but this has happened in the past where I was not allowed to bring our daughter to my fathers funeral. I am looking for a clause that states that if someone very close (family or very close friend) passes away, regular access is suspended and the child is allowed to be with the parent who has had someone pass away.
Problems being that I have alot of family about 6 hour drive away, if someone passes away it would mean a several day trip and could be 4-5 days. So I would like to be able to bring our daughter for this sort of thing. But I also need to make sure that there is nothing in it where my ex can take advantage of it. I know it sounds silly, but it was a big upset to for myself and our daughter that she did not get to say goodbye to Grandpa.
Any help on wording would be great. Thank you
By all means, I would not ever do that to her, if her father or someone close passed away I would not question a thing and would be there to support her if she needed it. I got slapped with missing 3 months access directly after my father passed(working on the bitterness about that subject).
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