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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 09-19-2012, 12:38 PM
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Default Working on adjusting a court order

After creating a court order with my ex over a year ago, she seems to continue to find loopholes in the wording of things. Where we could agree to a meaning in court and the "spirit" of the court order, she chooses to manipulate things as much as she can. Does anyone have advice on somewhere I can look to "word" a court order so that it is more like a government document with no loopholes, or as few as possible?
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Old 09-19-2012, 12:44 PM
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One example. Because she insists on alternating long weekends I put in a clause that says that if you have the weekend before, and then the long weekend, the other parent will have the weekend after. For some reason it always worked out that one parent would have our daughter for 3 weekends in a row and even if it fell with me having her I did not think it was fair. So because "summer access overrides regular access" my ex said that because the weekend before Labour day was her "summer access" and labour day was her long weekend access, that the weekend after was still hers because the weekend before labour day was not a regular weekend. I am at work and not sitting with the order, but its things like this that she always does.
It will be sad that our order has to be 30 pages thick with all sorts of legal wording in it, but that is what I am dealing with.
If a long weekend falls to her regularly, there are times that she will claim that the weekend after is also hers, as the long weekend pushed her regular weekend back. Has anyone had to deal with that sort of thing before?
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Old 09-19-2012, 12:59 PM
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What is the access schedule?

50-50?

If that is the case, the long weekends should be with whoever the weekend falls with in a 50-50 model. It all works out to be pretty much equal over the years when the children hit 18 anyway.

The best thing to do with a highly conflicted other parent (or if both are) is to not deal with the long weekends unless it is an EOW situation then every long weekend is spent with the EOW parent.
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Old 09-19-2012, 01:09 PM
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We are in an EOW schedule. For the summer I have our daughter for 4 non consecutive weeks, I am hoping to change it to 1 week and 1 week throughout the summer, its slightly different and will save arguements in the future.
For Christmas right now I pick up our daughter on Christmas day at 4 PM and she picks her up NYE at 4 PM, that works well.
Long weekends, as it stands I get May 24-she gets canada day, I get civic and she gets labour day. We do not do anything for family day as my company does not allow us the day off.
March break we alternate, problem being is do we start from Friday to Friday, or only use the actual 5 days in between. All these things need to be clearified.
We alternate Easter and Thanksgiving, but my ex claims that easter holiday access does not start after school Thursday, but at 3 PM friday and since its not specified she could be right.
I am hesitent bringing her in on contempt because I have been burned by "technicallities" like these before.
That is why I am trying to rework the court order so it is as Iron clad so that I have something behind me when I have to go for contempt in the future.
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Old 09-19-2012, 01:36 PM
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I am looking for a program to help me word it correctly.
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Old 09-19-2012, 01:39 PM
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Don't think a parent's failing to adhere to custody access would amount to a contempt charge, at least not in your case with what info you have provided. Contempt of court can take away someone's liberty (jail) and is a very serious charge. Do you really think a justice would impose sanctions (fines, jail) if you or your ex didn't agree on weekend scheduling for your kids?
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Old 09-19-2012, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Don't think a parent's failing to adhere to custody access would amount to a contempt charge, at least not in your case with what info you have provided. Contempt of court can take away someone's liberty (jail) and is a very serious charge. Do you really think a justice would impose sanctions (fines, jail) if you or your ex didn't agree on weekend scheduling for your kids?
That is why we need to take the ability to change things out of ones hands. Since they cannot do it reasonably it needs to be set in stone. I knwo thats not the best option for working on being constructive parents but sometimes it is the only option. Finding out after a schedule has been set that she is changing it 2 days before access is to begin because she finds a loophole will not amount to contempt, so we must elimate loopholes. Over time a consistent show of her unwillingness to follow a court order will lead to something being done, but while she is working within legal loopholes nothing can happen that is positive. Try being an EOW parent who is unable to plan a life because you may not get your daughter. I have had Christmas in February, birthdays a month late and so on and so forth but there is only so much I can do.
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Old 09-19-2012, 07:11 PM
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Wait before you go get your "loophole crisis" booted out of court for wasting it's time....remember the good things ...your seeing your kid,,,your ex isn't destroying your relationship with your kid (lots of exes with that major problem).......the access aint workin but it may in a little while, document the stuff that pisses you off if you need something to do. Fire nobody follows court orders to the letter and nobody gets punished for it maken adjustments ...itll take a year just to go through 3 conferences for gawd sakes before your denied a trial because you have no real issue...regards
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Old 09-19-2012, 09:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrToronto View Post
Wait before you go get your "loophole crisis" booted out of court for wasting it's time....remember the good things ...your seeing your kid,,,your ex isn't destroying your relationship with your kid (lots of exes with that major problem).......the access aint workin but it may in a little while, document the stuff that pisses you off if you need something to do. Fire nobody follows court orders to the letter and nobody gets punished for it maken adjustments ...itll take a year just to go through 3 conferences for gawd sakes before your denied a trial because you have no real issue...regards
Thank you for being so helpful. I have never been to court before and know nothing of these ways...I hope you can notice the sarcasm.
Maybe you have never had a life and it does not matter to you when you have your child and when you do not have your child, and can jump at a whim to pick them up or cancel all plans if your ex says the day before that you cannot pick them up. Thats not me, while my daughter is on the top of my priority list I do have other things going on as well, and having no possible way to plan a life because you never ever know when you have them and when you don't is no way to live.
So like I said, I am asking if anyone knows of an online program to help develop a court order that is worded with alot less loopholes. That way we can have a schedule and know what to expect. Once I have something drafted up I would file a motion to change and go from there. I doubt we would ever get to an actual motion because my ex knows that what she is doing is wrong, that is why she is doing it. I just need to go over and over it with a fine tooth comb to word it so strongly that she cannot get change it on a whim like she does.
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Old 09-19-2012, 09:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrToronto View Post
,,your ex isn't destroying your relationship with your kid (lots of exes with that major problem).......
She is trying to, believe me about that. Not going into detail about the alienation that she is trying to do and all sorts of false claims and so on and so forth. Having a defined court order would help to stop her from doing this.
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