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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 06-22-2011, 02:13 PM
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Default Why take jabs

When my x ask me to leave because she didn't love me no more ,that's what she said and said she felt PITY for me, and that's why it lasted so long, wow what kick to the groin , i was devastated and still feel the hurt , its been like a month and she is out and tells my kids she keeps getting asked out and have her friends over, but at the same time she wants to make sure my kids know and i know just brutal , it feels like jabs to the heart, i know my boys don't mean to tell me but still , how can i stop the heart ache
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Old 06-22-2011, 02:49 PM
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There's a saying that goes: " living well is the best revenge."

It's true. Find things/people that make you happy and focus your energy there. Eventually you'll find the distraction you need and stop caring. Chances are, at the same time, your hurt will turn to pity for her that she feels the need to behave in such a shameful manner.
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Old 06-22-2011, 03:04 PM
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She is only saying those things because she is mad at you and wants to hurt you.

Your only bet is to get over her and do all the standard things that people do to make themselves feel better after a break up - new hobbies, work out, new clothes, read new books, get out, etc.

Also focus on having fun with the kids - do the the things (big or little) that you would like to have done before (camping, play catch, go to DQ, whatever).

Don't engage your ex in any way (other than to raise kids together).
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Old 06-22-2011, 03:12 PM
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I agree you need distractions. The things I tried were: chronic masturbation, drinking copious amounts of wine, crying uncontrollably until I vomitted, hanging out at motorcycle gang bars, making lewd crank phone calls to his best clients, eating whole sticks of butter, and inventing new disgusting curse words and trying to get them submitted into the next edition of the Websters dictionary.

Just joking...you should go work out or whatever BillM said...
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Old 06-22-2011, 03:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I agree you need distractions. The things I tried were: chronic masturbation, drinking copious amounts of wine, crying uncontrollably until I vomitted, hanging out at motorcycle gang bars, making lewd crank phone calls to his best clients, eating whole sticks of butter, and inventing new disgusting curse words and trying to get them submitted into the next edition of the Websters dictionary.

Just joking...you should go work out or whatever BillM said...
... and here I thought I had found a soul mate ...
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Old 06-22-2011, 04:51 PM
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She does this because she is immature and holds a certain amount of jealousy in her heart. Hurting you somehow blunts the pain of her jealousy.
She seems to be concentrating on how easy it is for her to meet people in an effort to hurt you. You have a couple of choices. Of course you can't just 'stop' it from hurting you. You can, however, make damn sure that no one can see that it hurts you. Not quite the same thing, but to your ex it will be. If it doesn't bother you, it will bother your ex that you don't seem to care.

I would meet new people myself, if I were you. No need to tell either the kids or her about it, however.

Last edited by wretchedotis; 06-22-2011 at 04:53 PM.
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Old 06-22-2011, 08:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
She does this because she is immature and holds a certain amount of jealousy in her heart. Hurting you somehow blunts the pain of her jealousy.
She seems to be concentrating on how easy it is for her to meet people in an effort to hurt you. You have a couple of choices. Of course you can't just 'stop' it from hurting you. You can, however, make damn sure that no one can see that it hurts you. Not quite the same thing, but to your ex it will be. If it doesn't bother you, it will bother your ex that you don't seem to care.

I would meet new people myself, if I were you. No need to tell either the kids or her about it, however.
In fact, when you do meet someone new - show just how forward thinking you are and offer a double date so that each of you my get to know the other new partner. This would allow each of you to feel better about anyone that may be around your common children.

If you can do that and pull off an evening where you are totally relaxed and "so over" your past relationship - you'll blow her mind and make her really mad. Of course she won't show it - but you'll know it.
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Old 06-22-2011, 09:30 PM
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Ohhh Yeah! great advice and so true....
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Old 07-04-2011, 01:47 PM
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When I split with my x ... he played the victim up bigtime. Had the kids wrapped around his fingers (they are 21 and 24). Barely saw them at Christmas. Barely spoke to them. I was devastated - he was the one who cheated and was angry all the time. and yet they were angry at me ... almost a year later they have come full circle .... it takes time .... the parent who does the jabbing and insults and tries to manipulate will always lose in the end. I didn't believe it at the time - even though friends reassured me it would work out - but it is true!
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