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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 07-28-2011, 02:30 PM
Sax Sax is offline
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Default Who feels like a fish out of water?

Hi all, I am getting better but I really feel like a fish out of water . It's almost like my life feels "surreal". I am just generally "uncomfortable" being separated and when I see my spouse I feel the same with him and when I've been home I feel uncomfortable there too. Nothing is familiar to me anymore. I just feel out of place in my own life like I don't belong anywhere.

Has anyone experienced the same feelings?
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Old 07-28-2011, 02:55 PM
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how long have you been seaparated for?
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Old 07-28-2011, 02:56 PM
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Perfectly normal.
After all, you ARE living a different life nowadays.
Seems reasonable to me that people feel out of sorts after such a major life change.

Don't worry - it will get better. Take this as an opportunity to try new things and grow as a person. You'll likely find you end up in a better place than you thought possible.
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Old 07-28-2011, 04:32 PM
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Yes, perfectly normal. The feeling will pass as you settle into your new life.

I have a one month per year together theory before you feel like yourself again. So if together 7 years, give yourself 7 months before you feel like you belong somewhere again.
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Old 07-28-2011, 04:49 PM
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Default Perfectly normal

That is a normal feeling you get. It will also be a little more pervasive if you reside at the matrimonial home.

Like everyone says it will take time. I tried getting more active, getting out more and enjoy life. If you find this feeling is stronger at home then redecorate (paint, move the furniture around) and it will help.
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Old 07-29-2011, 08:31 AM
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thanks everyone. Each time I redecorate or hang a picture of the kids I feel happier. I have been separated since last october - married for (it will be 28 years this August). I just feel lost.
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Old 08-07-2011, 09:44 PM
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Hey Sax...I'm doing everything I can to ensure I have no 'alone' time. I find that's when I'm having my most difficult times. Try something new that you might have had past thoughts on...I took a couple of art courses at an Art Gallery and had a great time.
My friends and family just keep laughing because they can't keep track of me anymore...Do the same ! Less time to think, and it helps build your 'OWN' new life !
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Old 08-08-2011, 11:45 AM
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Sax: enjoy your time alone..do the things you couldn't by yourself before, until someone come along and it's back to not being alone, with no or very little time for yourself. Is it amazng how life goes~
Beleive if or not, therapists say that it's easier to grief the loss of a person than going through a divorce where you lose someone but in a different way. Everyone is different and take longer to adjust.
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Old 08-09-2011, 07:44 AM
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Thanks! My daughter said that this is a great time for me to do whatever I want! She is right!
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Old 08-25-2011, 03:39 AM
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It's opposite for me. I pretended it was no big deal and had normal few months. My family went out of their way to help me, and they still do. But I didn't need emotional help (so I thought). My dad even commented on how amazingly well I took it.

But as time passes by, I get worse. It's actually less about separation (I went through all stages of grief already, I think ). I actually enjoyed alone time. But my depression now comes from the fact that I feel abandoned by my friends. Noone we know h as really been divorced, so they didn't know how to deal with it. But they've basically just left me, it seems. I go days without any communication with my "friends". Now I am at a point where I barely sleep 2-3 hours a night and therefore, can hardly perform at work.

In a strange way, for me it was less about my wife's repeated cheating and the sense of betrayal and the feeling of being abandoned. I am having a real hard time dealing with the feeling of being abandoned by my friends. I was married for 10 years so their wives are friends with my wives, perhaps that has something to do with it. But I was hoping at least a couple of them (ya know, ones I was friends with for years and years before either of us got in a relationship) would be there for me.

I didn't mean to vent, but just throwing out that ya, I do feel like a fish out of water even though for the first many months I didn't.
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