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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #71 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2014, 10:31 AM
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What I find interesting in all of this is the following:

Many men wanted and enjoyed a stay at home spouse. But then they bitch and complain that they have to pay spousal support. You can't suck and blow. You created that reality and that is why you are paying for it. That is why I take no issue with my husband's choice to voluntarily pay high spousal, even for a short marriage. He made that commitment and to be honest, it wouldn't have helped if his then wife was left strapped financially and without any skills to make a good go of things herself. Now, the fact that she hasn't done anything with the time she has collected all this spousal support is her own issue as that is her own personal choice.

And when you ask "where does she find all these suckers?". Ahem, the same place she found you. The difference is now she has financial independence from these men because she is being supported by you right now. Its an attractive deal to date someone who can afford the nicer things in life, especially when they don't have to worry about when their cheque is going to come in... and besides, you found something attractive enough to be with her - why the heck wouldn't they?

As for the imbalance in pays and opportunities for women, I agree we are far from equality. However, that is not to say we can't surpass a man's pay grade if we work awfully hard. Perhaps it takes more elbow grease and more time and effort to do so, but it is not impossible at all.
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  #72 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2014, 10:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
As for the imbalance in pays and opportunities for women, I agree we are far from equality. However, that is not to say we can't surpass a man's pay grade if we work awfully hard. Perhaps it takes more elbow grease and more time and effort to do so, but it is not impossible at all.
I agree it isn't impossible, but why should women start out 100 metres behind the start line? Why should women have to work harder then men to get the same income in the end? More elbow grease makes it inequitable too.

Two people with the same education - one male and one female - working in the same job get paid different amounts.

I'm job searching right now.

Male dominated job with the requirement of "functionally literate" = $18/hr

Female dominated job with the requirement of a undergrad degree = $14/hr

Where is the equity? Men only have to be functionally literate to earn more than a university educated woman. Of course, I'm jaded right now because the job search world is hell.
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  #73 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2014, 04:15 PM
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Hehehe sorry for igniting such passion - I had my little vent, and to be honest it felt better to see that I wasn't alone, and they're common feelings.

I had a nice evening with my girlfriend, we celebrated her work success she had yesterday, and I Facetimed with my son for a while, planning out next weekends activities.

Life goes on

ps - ex is still a gold digger in my eyes. but that will also be part of life.
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  #74 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2014, 04:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MS Mom View Post
I agree it isn't impossible, but why should women start out 100 metres behind the start line? Why should women have to work harder then men to get the same income in the end? More elbow grease makes it inequitable too.

Two people with the same education - one male and one female - working in the same job get paid different amounts.

I'm job searching right now.

Male dominated job with the requirement of "functionally literate" = $18/hr

Female dominated job with the requirement of a undergrad degree = $14/hr

Where is the equity? Men only have to be functionally literate to earn more than a university educated woman. Of course, I'm jaded right now because the job search world is hell.
My girlfriend and discuss this alot... well she tells me about it more so...

We both have equivalent difficulty 4 year bachelor degrees, from the same university, we both have provincial professional licenses to practice, we're both fulltime, I work in a male dominated field, she works in a female dominated field. I gross almost twice as much as her..... go figure
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  #75 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2014, 04:24 PM
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Google "homosocial reproduction".
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  #76 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2014, 04:27 PM
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In Quebec there was a law about pay equity. Its quite thorough but things are not as simple as educational requirements, there are a lot of factors that go towards the salary paid.

In my work place out of 20 jobs the majority which were women positions (17/20) only 1 was underpaid and it was in fact a "man/neutral job" but just happened to be occupied by women recently,

Women are stuck behind in terms of earnings because of social construct.

If you opt-out of having a family etc... women can/do out earn men. You can also have a family but do what men do (except for the minimal biological requirement).

Last edited by Links17; 09-19-2014 at 04:30 PM.
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  #77 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2014, 04:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movingON1975 View Post
My girlfriend and discuss this alot... well she tells me about it more so...

We both have equivalent difficulty 4 year bachelor degrees, from the same university, we both have provincial professional licenses to practice, we're both fulltime, I work in a male dominated field, she works in a female dominated field. I gross almost twice as much as her..... go figure
Of course you do, you're a man. Men earn more than women and UNTIL that changes, men will continue to pay spousal support and a high proportion of S7 expenses.

Instead of these men complaining about having to pay spousal support, maybe they should be lobbying on behalf of women to earn equal wages for equal work? This would go a much longer way to reducing the overall $$'s one is expected to pay post-breakup.

You see, if I applied for that "functionally literate" job that pays more than the one that requires a University education I'd be considered "overqualified".

I have a gender neutral first name. An employer has left a message asking that I return their call to schedule an interview. They said "if he could return our call this afternoon, we can schedule the interview for tomorrow". I returned the call and as soon as they realized I was a woman, they all of a sudden "made an error" on their interview selections. So, sorry, but we called the wrong "first name". While gender-neutral it is an uncommon name, so I highly doubt that they had another applicant with that same name.

That's what happens when women apply for the better paid, male dominated jobs.
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  #78 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2014, 04:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
In Quebec there was a law about pay equity. Its quite thorough but things are not as simple as educational requirements, there are a lot of factors that go towards the salary paid.

In my work place out of 20 jobs the majority which were women positions (17/20) only 1 was underpaid and it was in fact a "man/neutral job" but just happened to be occupied by women recently,

Women are stuck behind in terms of earnings because of social construct.

If you opt-out of having a family etc... women can/do out earn men. You can also have a family but do what men do (except for the minimal biological requirement).
There is a law regarding pay equity. When it was introduced in the company I worked for at the time, this is what happened:

Job titles changed. Job descriptions changed. All of a sudden there were supervisors supervising nobody. Wages, however, did not change. Pay equity is another system to manipulate. You can't determine that a woman is paid less than a man for comparable work IF the job descriptions are different. And, it doesn't take a whole lot of editing to make those job descriptions different enough to warrant unfair wages.

Pay equity isn't required in small organizations, family owned businesses, etc. Unfortunately, it's also where the majority of the population works.

In a decent, unionized company I would expect that this discrepancy doesn't exist....however, how would one really know?
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