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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 09-19-2013, 09:15 AM
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Default When Introverts and Extroverts Collide

Extroverts Married to Introverts – What To Do?? | Personality Profiles Blog

Interesting little article on how couples deal with stress and personalities clashes.

Yes, I’m seriously introverted. I don’t like parties, stinky bars - I loathe small talk and I feel overwhelmed in crowded noisy restaurants. I’ll overcome my dislike of crowds if the payoff is worth it, like with hockey games, kids birthday parties or Rolling Stone concerts. I don't suffer from agoraphobia, I'm simply what you call a 'homebody'.

My ex, on the other hand, was the total opposite. Whenever he needed to recharge his batteries he had to be surrounded by people. He could not tolerate spending quiet time puttering at home and would get 'hyper' upset when friends or family where not available to join in on his plans.

They say opposites attract, I disagree. I won't say that our separation was caused by our different temperaments though it didn't help things. As the years went by, the gap seemed overwhelming ....
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Old 09-19-2013, 10:20 AM
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I agree with you, opposites do not attract. Most people I suspect are a combination of extravert and introvert, they are not mutually exclusive.
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Old 09-19-2013, 12:45 PM
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My wife is more of a home body. I am much more likely to go out for the sake of going out. While I love my wife, I find myself needing some space the company of others on occasion. I just need to get out of the house as I start to feel Closter phobic.

But we both understand that the other is like and that. My wife and I spend quality time most of the time, but I get my odd day to go out and unwind.
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Old 09-19-2013, 12:58 PM
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Quote:
They say opposites attract, I disagree. I won't say that our separation was caused by our different temperaments though it didn't help things. As the years went by, the gap seemed overwhelming ....
I think all the differences add to the issues. My ex was very much a morning person and I'm sooooo not. I'm a night owl. I get most housework, paperwork and I exercise at night. It definitely drove me up a wall when I would work 14-16 hour days all week, manage the kids and the house and my ex during marriage would wake me up on weekend mornings. It used to literally ruin my weekends every single week for more years than I can remember. We had separate rooms for most of our marriage and I'd lock my door but he'd make a point to make enough noise to wake me up. He HATED that I slept late.

These days...me and the bf sleep late and then wake up for a long walk and then brunch. My kids are just like me...so they enjoy not having to be woken up at the crack of dawn on non-school/workdays too.

I know it seems trivial but being with someone with the same habits as you is very important. Its also important to be with someone who shares the way you see the world. I had a long list of requirements when I was dating after separation and you should never settle for anyone who doesn't meet your needs once you truly figure out who you are and what you want.
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Old 09-19-2013, 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post

I know it seems trivial but being with someone with the same habits as you is very important. Its also important to be with someone who shares the way you see the world. I had a long list of requirements when I was dating after separation and you should never settle for anyone who doesn't meet your needs once you truly figure out who you are and what you want.
Nothing trivial about it, I agree. Next time around (if there is a next time) I would put more effort in finding out who the person really is and how they deal with life in general. I was in my early twenties when I met my ex - he was hot and had a nice car . Three decades later, he still has a nice car!
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Old 09-19-2013, 03:36 PM
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when I met my ex - he was hot and had a nice car . Three decades later, he still has a nice car!
hahahahahahahaha...that's awesome.
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Old 09-19-2013, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by pursuinghappiness View Post
hahahahahahahaha...that's awesome.
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Originally Posted by janibel View Post
nothing trivial about it, i agree. Next time around (if there is a next time) i would put more effort in finding out who the person really is and how they deal with life in general. I was in my early twenties when i met my ex - he was hot and had a nice car . Three decades later, he still has a nice car!
lol..................
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Old 09-19-2013, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I think all the differences add to the issues. My ex was very much a morning person and I'm sooooo not. I'm a night owl. I get most housework, paperwork and I exercise at night. It definitely drove me up a wall when I would work 14-16 hour days all week, manage the kids and the house and my ex during marriage would wake me up on weekend mornings. It used to literally ruin my weekends every single week for more years than I can remember. We had separate rooms for most of our marriage and I'd lock my door but he'd make a point to make enough noise to wake me up. He HATED that I slept late.

These days...me and the bf sleep late and then wake up for a long walk and then brunch. My kids are just like me...so they enjoy not having to be woken up at the crack of dawn on non-school/workdays too.

I know it seems trivial but being with someone with the same habits as you is very important. Its also important to be with someone who shares the way you see the world. I had a long list of requirements when I was dating after separation and you should never settle for anyone who doesn't meet your needs once you truly figure out who you are and what you want.
It's not necessarily about having the same habits. What you had with your ex was not an irreconcilable difference between two people. What you had was one person not respecting the other person. Your ex deliberately deprived you of necessary sleep because he did not agree with the hours in which you accomplished it. Two people can be very different and get along just fine if they respect those differences and make mutual accommodations for them. When he went to bed before you, were you quiet and didnt wake him up? Night owls and morning people can be together just fine, as long as they respect the other persons needs.
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Old 09-19-2013, 09:42 PM
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True to # 1....emphasis on respect and mutual accommodations

#2....I like the question mark you had there, unfortunately we only have one-side

Am a morning person, but I am as quiet as a Church mouse when am up.
I'd be a better morning person if I hadn't been so busy being a night owl the night before.
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Old 09-19-2013, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
It's not necessarily about having the same habits. What you had with your ex was not an irreconcilable difference between two people. What you had was one person not respecting the other person. Your ex deliberately deprived you of necessary sleep because he did not agree with the hours in which you accomplished it. Two people can be very different and get along just fine if they respect those differences and make mutual accommodations for them. When he went to bed before you, were you quiet and didnt wake him up? Night owls and morning people can be together just fine, as long as they respect the other persons needs.
Voila! bottom line is: respect the 'quirkyness' and give each other some space. Now why is that so hard to do? Parents have no problem putting up with their children's idiosyncrasies, yet when it comes to their 'beloved half' all hell breaks loose?
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