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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 05-03-2017, 01:55 PM
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Default what motivates some single moms to be so evil

there are very pleasant single moms out there but there is always the ones that badmouths and aleinates dad and screws around with his access and just uses him for money.

why do some single moms act in this way? what motivates them to do so? what makes them feel they own you and your life?

i personally think it's a power thing by controlling women. in my case. former spouse has asked our kid who the boss is at an exchange after obtaining sole custody.

I just dont understand.. are they just simple trashy people who hve the nerves to screw over other peoples lives in attempts to boost their self esteem? is it a personality disorder? do they hate you that much that they want your kids to also hate you? is it maybe a revenge thing? do they just simple enjoy having their former partner or spouse under their thumb? are they psychopaths ? what's wrong with these specific single moms?

Last edited by trinton; 05-03-2017 at 02:00 PM.
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Old 05-03-2017, 02:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
there are very pleasant single moms out there but there is always the ones that badmouths and aleinates dad and screws around with his access and just uses him for money.

why do some single moms act in this way? what motivates them to do so? what makes them feel they own you and your life?

i personally think it's a power thing by controlling women. in my case. former spouse has asked our kid who the boss is and thought our 5 year old child that daddee is a yukee and disgusting word..

I just dont understand.. are they just simple trashy people who hve the nervea to screw over other peoples lives in attempts to boost their self esteem? is it a personality disorder?
It's not a personality disorder (most the time). It's self-entitlement and an inability to look through an objective lens. No matter how much the children love their father, the mothers subjective feelings about him will often times diminish (or delete completely) any good qualities about him...including his parenting.

If a spouse cheats, works too much, perhaps a few verbal arguments, etc.....mom KNOWS she can get back at him in other ways. There is a system built just for this type of revenge...it's called family law.

Once time passes and the mother realizes that she's actually hurting the kid by trying to erase dad it's usually too late. Dad has lost that bond, status quo has been achieved and many times the child has been successfully alienated and doesn't want to see the other parent.

This is why 50/50 HAS to be the default (in the absence of abuse, addictions, etc). Because warring spouses are NOT qualified to effectively rate the parenting of their ex and deny access. (Playing GOD when you're mad). This brutal game of revenge hurts the kids the most.
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Old 05-03-2017, 02:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
there are very pleasant single moms out there but there is always the ones that badmouths and aleinates dad and screws around with his access and just uses him for money.

why do some single moms act in this way? what motivates them to do so? what makes them feel they own you and your life?

i personally think it's a power thing by controlling women. in my case. former spouse has asked our kid who the boss is at an exchange after obtaining sole custody.

I just dont understand.. are they just simple trashy people who hve the nerves to screw over other peoples lives in attempts to boost their self esteem? is it a personality disorder? do they hate you that much that they want your kids to also hate you? is it maybe a revenge thing? do they just simple enjoy having their former partner or spouse under their thumb? are they psychopaths ? what's wrong with these specific single moms?
There's no doubt that this does happen more with women. I think its simply because traditionally women had more ownership over child rearing. In addition, they carry and bear the children, which unfortunately, often gives them the misconception that their stake with regard to parenting rights is somehow stronger or more valid.

However it does go both ways...and that's why these thread titles annoy me. My very male ex committed all of these acts that you describe and it was because he was (and remains) extremely angry that I had the nerve to divorce him. In addition, how dare I find happiness with someone else that my kids really like.

In divorces, its very common that one person just really never gets over it and that bitterness drags on for the rest of their lives and they use the kids to get their version of revenge.

Good news (kinda)....man does it backfire on the offending parent. My case is a prime example of that.
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Old 05-03-2017, 03:06 PM
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However it does go both ways...and that's why these thread titles annoy me. My very male ex committed all of these acts that you describe and it was because he was (and remains) extremely angry that I had the nerve to divorce him.
I agree. So many douchy dad's out there too. I've read some doozy's on canlii. If both genders would just stop this crap the world would be a better place.
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Old 05-03-2017, 03:46 PM
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what motivates them to do so? what makes them feel they own you and your life?
What motivates anyone to do anything? They perceive the outcome to be worth the effort.

The question is, what does your ex GAIN by treating you this way?

feeling powerful
punishing you for whatever wrongdoings she perceives
increasing the CS they receive
minimizing how much interaction they have to have with you
gaining allies against you
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Old 05-03-2017, 03:53 PM
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My partners lawyer said that people with kids punish the ex by withholding access and the one with the money punishes by not paying.

Divorce is ugly and unreasonable people make it uglier.
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Old 05-06-2017, 04:22 PM
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there are very pleasant single moms out there but there is always the ones that badmouths and aleinates dad and screws around with his access and just uses him for money.
My current partner, is the perfect example of one who has tried to be very flexible with allowing the biological father access to the three children living with us, in all 13 years and counting. He was quite regular with having them every other weekend, on the alternating weekends that I had my son with me in the beginning. So, it would be one weekend with mine and hers, and then a weekend without any kids, if you get the picture. The difference? I have ALWAYS paid my child support regularly, and religiously every month. My partner's ex? He has been very sporadic about contributing anything financially. He has been on and off employed. Changed residences more times than we can count. Yet, there has never been any court battles between them.

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why do some single moms act in this way? what motivates them to do so? what makes them feel they own you and your life?
It's a power and control thing, plain and simple. It's the way the law works, unfortunately favouring women under the pretense of "in the best interests of the child(ren)". This is exactly why I chose not to pursue to have my access enforced, back when my son decided he was "uncomfortable" with coming over every other weekend. My ex-bitch even openly bragged to me once, "the law favours us women, so don't try anything". I chose to take the high road and not react to that statement. Simply by making that statement alone, tells you the kind of person she is. I know I am better than that. I won't let a piece of trash like her drag me down. And if you let yours drag you down, she is getting the better of you. Don't let it happen. Keep strong.

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i personally think it's a power thing by controlling women. in my case. former spouse has asked our kid who the boss is at an exchange after obtaining sole custody.
Simply disregard such childish questions. A former co-worker once told me, "if there are ever any unpleasant words exchanged between your ex in the presence of your child, make sure those unpleasant words come only from her mouth". I have never forgotten that piece of excellent advice and stuck by it religiously, during any kind of interactions in the past and it has worked very well. Remember, YOU are the better person in the end.

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Originally Posted by trinton View Post
I just dont understand.. are they just simple trashy people who hve the nerves to screw over other peoples lives in attempts to boost their self esteem? is it a personality disorder? do they hate you that much that they want your kids to also hate you? is it maybe a revenge thing? do they just simple enjoy having their former partner or spouse under their thumb? are they psychopaths ? what's wrong with these specific single moms?
And my ex-bitch falls under that exact category you describe, so I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR. She's been on EI since we parted ways (she got canned from a nice government job, due to a "serious" number of absences), and then on ODSP (for IBS). In answer to your question, yes it is a power and control thing. It is a sick pleasure about exacting revenge. It is about having too much time on their hands to put their focus on nothing better than to "take the easy way out" instead of getting a job and focusing on their own betterment and moving on. In my ex's case, she still harbours a bitterness toward me, which I have long stopped giving two tinker's damn about. I know she'll never admit it, but I think she's extremely jealous of the lifestyle I enjoy with my current partner and her three children (who know me better than my own son). It's an entitlement complex. She likely feels SHE should be living the lifestyle my current partner enjoys with me. However, there's a price to pay for all this enjoyment. Neither my current partner or I, are lazy people. We both work long hours to keep the bills paid, the roof over our head, food on the table for us and the three kids and our vehicle expenses paid. And the sickening part of all this? We don't enjoy that much of a better life than my ex-bitch, who seems to have nothing better to do in her life but try to create drama for our household. That will only last for long.....
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Old 05-08-2017, 11:03 PM
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I think firstly, the group you have selecting already has a ~50% chance of being a piss poor person.

Single mothers are divorced inviduals who are divorced either because they suck, their ex sucks or a combination which means off the bat they can often be low quality people.

Beyond that. the general rule is "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely" which applies here as they often have the power in these matters.

Furthermore, these poor quality parents have probably created an illusion that the other parent is useless
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