What do I do so I don't lose my kid?

[Unatic]

So my common law wife has some issues. Verbally abusive, basically a bully. Physically abusive when provoked. I think she got knocked up to stay in the country. Never home. Worked 65 hours an week and took a full course load at University. Left me at home with her sisters, her adult daughter from previously and my daughter. We all felt bullied and hated her. Eventually I tried to leave her and moved in with one of her sisters.(note to self:Bad Idea) Things got violent. She was arrested. I was able to get her released with no charges.

On the bright side she is getting counseling for issues relating to a rape from years ago finally. With that I agreed to try reconciling. The bullying was why I wanted to leave in the first place. Also sexually she is a little messed up. The counseling is dealing with the root of these things.

She had already seen a lawyer and gotten a line of credit to fight for full custody. I wonder what advice would she have gotten? This was before she was arrested though. What should my plan be? I do not want to be evil and we don't have much stuff or own a house. All our cash has gone into her family and her education. I don't mind starting over, but I think I am the better parent and won't go for less than 50/50 custody.

I did move back so we are living together again and she is trying really hard. She understands why I wanted to leave and how it all happened. If she doesn't change though I have to leave. I can't spend any more time with a grouchy bully who is only happy one or two days a month and horrible the rest. Me and my daughter can do better than that. I don't even want to see a lawyer, but I need to protect myself and my daughter. Any advice?

[Elvis]

Why u got back together if she is so violent? Maybe counseling will help...lets hope so...but....

You also say she is fighting for sole custody...kinda confusing.

START WRITING DOWN EVERYTHING AND GET SOME WITNESSES' THAT YOU ARE CARING MORE FOR THE CHILD.

[Unatic]

Violence is relative. I was in the Army, her beatings are pretty weak compared to pre-deployment training. I just don't like being provoked like that or letting my daughter get scared. I have enough trouble keeping those demons locked up without someone pounding on me and trying to press my buttons. She is a woman scorned and wants some revenge. Totally normal. She only wants custody out of a sense of ownership. Her maternal instincts are quite weak and I love being a dad. Also when she is mad she doesn't care how much damage she does to our child. This is just one of many character flaws that make the relationship unworkable. Her sisters have spent more time with our daughter than she has. Which is what happened with her adult daughter who she abandoned at her parents house at teh age of two. She finally brought her here when she was 20, mainly to be a nanny. I asked her to bring her 6 years ago.

[billiechic]

WOW! Not only is she lying to you, but YOU are lying to yourself. If she is as bad as she is, take your child and LEAVE NOW. You are being abused. Just because it is not as bad as the army deosn`t mean it is any less damaging to you. Your daughter is witnessing this (you haven`t said if it has been directed at her either)

I`m sorry, but as a father you are going to need a lawyer. She has a hisotry of abuse, you need to remember that and protect your child. I`m not saying that she shouldn`t have the chance to be a mother, but while she is recovering your child needs a stable, loving father.