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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 09-29-2010, 10:33 PM
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Default what do I ask for Divorce.

I not sure what I should be asking for was home for 12 yrs to raise children.

So far I will be asking for sol custody of children.
life insurance
child surpport
pension
in matr home will buy out ex
???

I have temp custody as of monday this week.
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Old 09-30-2010, 03:22 AM
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I would ask for you to re-read what you have written, pretending that you are someone who doesn't know you at all and is trying to figure out what you are saying.

Please provide details about your situation so that people can help you.
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Old 09-30-2010, 06:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bern View Post
I not sure what I should be asking for was home for 12 yrs to raise children.

So far I will be asking for sol custody of children.
life insurance
child surpport
pension
in matr home will buy out ex
???

I have temp custody as of monday this week.
I think she wants CS, him to have a life insurance policy where she is beneficiary, part of his pension and possession of the house (she wants to buy him out) and sole custody of the kids.

Why do you want sole custody? Is the father a danger to the kids? How do you plan on supporting yourself in order to buy out his part of the home? How old are the kids? Do they want to live with you or with Dad?
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Old 09-30-2010, 04:23 PM
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1. consider joint custody if you can get along with your ex
2. leave his pension alone, he worked for it, insurance with kids as beneficiaries in trust but no need to ruin his retirement if you don't plan on sticking around for the long haul
3. Child support makes sense
4. Ask for OCL they will help determine what kind of custody is best based on your situation and in the best interests of your children, and sole doesnt mean much to your actual relationship with your kids.
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Old 09-30-2010, 05:00 PM
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For the record, you are entitled to half his pension for the time you were married. As someone who had to pay out-of-pocket to save his pension, I agree with anotherSTEPmother's sentiment here but you are entitled to this by law. They didn't pay you a pension for the 12 years you looked after the kids, so I understand the logic. It's your call.

If you haven't worked and he has, you would almost certainly be entitled to spousal support as well. Definately look into this as it could be a significant amount.

Man, it just doesn't feel right helping "the other side" sometimes, but people come here for answers and I feel obliged to be honest. That said, although sole custody is probably the least problematic for you if you can get it, it's also the least fair. If he's a decent dad and loves his kids, give him joint custody. You may not like him, but your kids probably do.
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Old 09-30-2010, 10:24 PM
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First of all thank for the translation of my emotional meltdown of a description.

I feel compiled to defend myself for some unknown reason.

But thanks for your help too.

When we met I was employed at IBM, I supported him fours year prior to us getting married, helped educate him. After we got pregnant we decided that I would stay home but when the time came for me to go back to work he said NO! My job was to take care of him, house, kids and his mother.

My husband is a big muscular man and I love him very much still. Only a person who has had to deal with someone that injects anabolic steroid can understand were I am coming from. An extra shot of testosterone was always added so imagine that. Rehab out of the question not here and out of country cost is too high. He puts the bad in the 4 by 8. That is all I can say on that.

Visa has that saying don’t leave home with out it. Well I was not to leave home with out my cell phone had to be back in the house by the time he got home. I spent 5hrs preparing his meals then our family meal. If he ran out of a shake or a lean meal I would drive 20 min to deliver one for him.

I was happy to take a beating and keep our family together most of the time. It was those times that you dial that number and help should have been on the other end. But then you find out that it was a friend and they talk you in to letting it go once again. The last call I made was help and with that came a restraining order.

I just want out of his control that is why I am asking for solo custody of our two boys. And I don’t want them introduced to drugs of any king. His a good dad I just feel this is safer for the kids and myself.

But thanks for your help
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Old 09-30-2010, 10:36 PM
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I can understand what you're feeling and you want to protect the kids but you do say he's a good dad. You have to know that what happened between the two of you is between the two of you and you will not likely be able to prevent him from sharing custody because he was abusive to you if he was a good father to the children. The courts will see that he has been in the past and continue to be, and really, if he is then there is no reason why you should try to stop it.

I know that's not what you want to hear but it's better for you to hear the realistic side of it then just have people tell you what you want to hear. Sorry
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Old 10-01-2010, 08:00 AM
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Don't be sorry it's good that your being honest.

I do understand and would never stop my kids from being with him.

thanks
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Old 10-01-2010, 10:44 AM
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If he's controlling and abusive to her plus he's whacked out on steroids, I can see the logic in going for sole custody. She clearly not looking to exclude him from the kids lives, but putting the decision-making power in her hands might be the wisest move.
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Old 10-01-2010, 12:15 PM
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I can see your reasoning. Having sole custody does not preclude having equal sharing of time between parents.

Have you spoken to someone about the abuse? there should be plenty of help availbale for you at the women's shelter.
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