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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 12-28-2011, 05:07 AM
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Default weelll guys it happened - JAIL for me

wife went nuts soon as i woke up. i do not do good or think straight until i get some pain meds in me - she started even before i could get some. i retreated downstairs and she chased me and in the end forced me to defend as she started going crazy. no witnesses. charges are largekly trumped as i lost my balance - either way not true. doesn't matter as the cop was the same one as last time who treated me like shit - he didn't have a problem soaking up her story.

spent next day and a half in jail - they let me out of the court house with absolutely nothing - not even change for a phone call. manager at a nearby grocery store took me in and helped untill i could reach one of my kids.

i go back to the court house jan 18 to face trumped up charges - will take help here!!

This came about as whatever she did i never got mad and just walked away - she planned this fully and made this happen. She wanted me to get mad i I would not fall for her crap - but nether less i am in jail and without a say have been evicted from the house. DAUgther's friend parents took me in this afternoon - been a hard xmas for sure.

i need to get out of these charges cheap - suggestions???

thanks to all -

I have emerge call out to the doctor and the lawyer is not in - try again tiommorrow.

not sure if it worth fighting to have her evicted so i can return to the house (now have a 200 meter no approach zone.!) Just not sure - i did think of asking kids what they want but this not fair as it forces them to choose. Not right. Silly though if it i who stays and all of them move out - that would not be right either...... all sucks!
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Old 12-28-2011, 10:48 AM
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You should DEFINITELY not involve your children. I'm not sure why this has to be said over and over again. You ask the same thing in every post. What do you expect them to do? They have zero power in this situation, don't need to be involved, and what they think doesn't matter. Leave your kids out of it...seriously, you're not getting this point because you ask every single time. I feel very sorry for them as neither you or your stbx spouse seem to understand that they don't need to be involved in your mess. Its not a competition...they aren't tennis balls for you to bat back and forth.

She has probably successfully obtained grounds for exclusive possession of the home now. I would expect she's going to file a motion for it.

I would get in touch with your lawyer as soon as possible to see what you can do and start looking around to figure out where you're going to live. If she's got a restraining order now...your goose is probably cooked...I sincerely doubt you can fight her to return to the house but talk to your lawyer.

It might be a good thing for you to be elsewhere for the duration of the divorce with regard to your multiple illnesses. Your kids will suffer but they've been suffering all along since you two cannot seem to get over your egos and leave them out of the mess.

I'm sorry for your recent problems...it sounds brutal but I cannot say I'm surprised. Against all good advice to the contrary, you have been engaging her the entire separation and dragging the kids into it as well and this is what happens when you do that. Get ready cause you're waging war..and so far, you're not winning.
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Old 12-28-2011, 11:22 AM
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Quote:
i did think of asking kids what they want but this not fair as it forces them to choose. Not right. Silly though if it i who stays and all of them move out - that would not be right either...... all sucks!
By the way, per the above quote....you really aren't getting it. Your kids have zero power in this matter. They will not be able to help you in any way or decide who stays in the house. The judge won't ask their opinion on who stays in the house...that's ridiculous. Their opinion is totally irrelevant. If she has a restraining order, she can now file for exclusive possession of the home and get you out permanently until the house is either sold or one of you buys the other out. If you think you can move back in and kick them all out...you're completely not understanding the gravity of the situation you're facing. That will never happen. By engaging her, you've put yourself in a very very bad position.

Your concentration at this point should be to figure out where you'll be living for the duration of your separation and how to get access to your children...as the other issue is that with exclusive possession of the home, she's also setting up status quo for custody. So you'll need to make sure you immediately set-up a liberal access schedule with the kids (not that she will probably follow it). I believe your kids are old enough to decide where they might live in the future but you need to have somewhere for them to stay if they decide that they want to live with you. In the meantime, she'll be working the other end to make sure that they want to live with her and not you.

Other posters may have more advice on this matter because some of them have been through it. I suggest you actually follow it this time.
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Old 12-28-2011, 02:23 PM
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I am so sorry to hear about what happened. No sense in trying to get her evicted from the house until you handle the charges against you. At least now the gloves are off. She wants to fight dirty then you have no reason to be nice anymore. If she is staying in the house then she can pay for all the utilities etc.

no sense in trying to involve the kids as they seem to be sideing with her. Lets see how she treats them now that her personal whipping boy (you) is no longer there.

Sorry your holiday season was a total crapfest for you
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Old 12-28-2011, 02:50 PM
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CanLII - 2008 ONCJ 130 (CanLII)

[5] The events after the arrest of Ms. Shaw do not, in retrospect, show the police, the Crown, counsel or the criminal judicial system in a good light, although her story is commonplace. These events have become routine and predictable in almost every allegation of spousal assault such that there is presumably some policy guiding the police and the Crown attorney and forestalling professional discretion in all such matters, no matter how remote the assault may be in time or indeed how trivial the contact. Spouses of every walk of life and often with completely unblemished prior character are routinely detained for a formal bail hearing for such assaults. Invariably, the defendant (not yet convicted) is excluded from his or her home and prevented from exercising custody of or access to the defendant’s children without any consideration of the factors that this court must apply by law before determining incidents of custody or access... The way that the criminal justice system approaches the commencement of these matters, however, often wreaks family law havoc with the family unit of the defendant and the complainant, and in particular the children of those parties. Family courts decide custody and access issues on the basis of statute and case law defining the best interests of the children. The criminal justice system pays no attention to such interests because it is not geared up to do so nor are the participants widely trained in how the actions of the system — from the officer who refuses to release the defendant at the station, to the duty counsel who allows the defendant to agree to inappropriate conditions of release out of expediency — effect the lives of the members of the defendant’s family.

[6] Ms. Shaw’s case illustrates the dangers of speedy or discretionless criminal procedure.

[8] I do not know what advice Mr. Shaw received from the unnamed lawyer whom he consulted before, as he put it, asking for charges to be laid. I can only hope that no licensed lawyer in this province would have advised the father that the fastest way to get custody and exclusive possession of the family home was to report the mother’s transgressions to the police.


[9] I do not know with what police officers Mr. Shaw had contact at the Shelburne Police Service. I can only hope that the officers whom he saw there do not believe that complainants in criminal matters decide whether charges are, or are not, to be laid.


[10] I do not know what counsel were present at the bail hearing held in Ms. Shaw’s case, nor do I know whether the matter proceeded, as many such matters do proceed, on the basis of a consent release on terms. I hope that all counsel understand that the terms of release should have some rational bearing on the severity and timeliness of the charges that were then before the court. I have difficulty on this record understanding why the mother was required to abide by the majority of the terms on her recognizance — although I understand completely why the mother may have been prepared to sign just about anything to be released from jail.

Print this out, bring it with you to court and hand it to the counsel who will be representing you in the criminal matter.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Print this out, bring it with you to court and hand it to the counsel who will be representing you in the criminal matter.

Good Luck!
Tayken
Damn: You're good!

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:06 PM
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Tayken:

You can cite whatever case you want and he can bring it but ffs, how many times has this guy been warned about exactly this situation happening???

How many times has he been advised to separate his finances???

How many times has he been advised to leave his kids out of his and his stbx's crap?

And how many very lengthy stories has he told talking about his altercations with her? His money issues because she's taking money out of accounts that he still hasn't gotten separated and frozen? How many times has he asked about telling the kids stuff or asking whether he should continuously abuse them by involving them in this nonsense?

I know we're supposed to feel sorry for him because he clearly has physical limitations but for christ's sake...its hard for me to sympathize with someone who's trying sooo hard to bang the nails into his own coffin.

If you're going to come here every single day and post ad nauseum...when someone who's been through divorce offers you very good advice ...TAKE IT! Why else come here? This isn't just a pity party where you should endlessly whine all day. This is an excellent resource for self-help during the difficult divorce process. I do not get the point of his actions. And frankly, his kids are suffering far worse than he is cause neither him or his stbx spouse seem to be able to get their heads out of their asses long enough to consider what the kid's need to feel secure while they're in the middle of this mess of turmoil.

Personally, I just do not understand this guy. I do feel sorry for him but that's not what he needs. He needs to get a good boot in the ass so he'll start listening. Apparently, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him think.
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:30 PM
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it is easy to say what he should and should not do. He has some serious health issues that make the day to day stuff hard to deal with let alone trying to deal with a nutjob of an stbx.

He is doing the best he can with his limitations. He tried to avoid her as much as possible and to keep the peace. He cannot live on his own without getting the finances sorted out first. Yes he should of had a voice recorder on him but can he even afford to buy one?? He has high med costs and what is he suppose to do, not buy his meds and get the recorder?? Before anyone says that they do not cost that much to some people the basic costs of living is all they can afford and i think he fits into that catagory.
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I know we're supposed to feel sorry for him because he clearly has physical limitations but for christ's sake...its hard for me to sympathize with someone who's trying sooo hard to bang the nails into his own coffin.
Wow: Sounds like something I would say (you bully, you!)

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:51 PM
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Quote:
He tried to avoid her as much as possible and to keep the peace.
Again, go back and read how many posts he has where he's had verbal confrontations with her.

I'm not trying to be unsympathetic but I know a lot of people with physical limitations and they know how to close their mouth and not talk to someone. He clearly knows how to use a computer....send email. Do not verbally engage...period.

Then go back and read how many times he's mentioned bringing his kids into the mess or asking whether he should bring his kids into the mess. He does it over and over and over again. I know cause everytime I open one of his posts, its in there. He accuses his ex of involving the children and then in the exact same post says that he wants to tell them stuff too and commit the same abusive behavior. In my opinion, that is a form of child abuse during divorce and his physical limitations also don't make that ok either.

Everyone here assumes (as they should) that people are being honest and trying to deal with the brutality of the divorce process to the best of their ability. But this particular poster is a prime example of saying he's doing one thing then posting 10 stories in direct contradiction to what he said he was doing. He ignores legitimate advice given to him and continues to engage in escalating his own conflict. No doubt he may have a crazy ex..many of us do...but its HIS behavior I'm questioning when he states what actions HE'S taken. She isn't posting here.

I'm not surprised in any way that its gotten to this point. This is now the 2nd time he's talked about police being called...how many more clues do you need to stop? To me, its a prime example of what happens when you don't listen to good advice. And after he's taken out of the home, he's STILL posting about involving his kids. Frankly, like I said, I do not get this guy but whatever...its his divorce. If this how he wants it to be...best of luck to him.
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