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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2014, 09:00 AM
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Speaking for myself, it worked very well for my son as a young child. However, as he got older it added more stress to him as well as my ex and I.

We are now on a "week about" schedule (alternating weeks) which is working VERY well.

I believe 2255 is recommended from 2-5 yrs?
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2014, 09:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YYZDaddy View Post
Speaking for myself, it worked very well for my son as a young child. However, as he got older it added more stress to him as well as my ex and I.

We are now on a "week about" schedule (alternating weeks) which is working VERY well.

I believe 2255 is recommended from 2-5 yrs?
Bold 1: This makes sense because eventually as young kids grow, they wouldn't want to be bounced around every couple of days

Bold 2: Do you or anyone else have any case law (jurispundence) to back this up?
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by childfocused View Post
Bold 2: Do you or anyone else have any case law (jurispundence) to back this up?
My 2255 information simply came from my lawyer and a couple of parental coordinators. Would be interesting to see if there is any jurisprudence to back it up. No longer relevant to me, but others may benefit.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2014, 10:39 AM
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My son had just turned 3 and he handled week on, week off quite well. My daughter was 7. If you're a competent, caring parent that gives them the attention that they need, and they have a clear understanding of how things are set up, week on, week off goes just fine, even for the younger ones.

Any scenario will work as long as there is consistency and the kids are put first. I have a friend of mine who alternates every day with his ex. I think he's crazy, but it apparently works for them. He doesn't really have much of a life outside being a parent to three girls under eight years old, but he's at a point in his life right now where he doesn't care about a social life, he cares about being a constant presence in his kids' life.

There are all kinds of complications and differences between everyone that necessitates creative arrnagements. Some split families have one or two parents that work weird jobs and weird shifts, and sometimes have to have a very fleixble and/or have fragmented weeks to make it work.

In my situation, I have a stable 9-5 office job, Monday to Friday. My ex works part-time at a bank as a teller. Her hours are all over the place. We picked week on, week off because at least one of us was able to have a stable schedule. There are times when I end up taking the kids off of her hands for the odd night during 'her' week. There are other times that her boyfriend watches them. For a brief period, I had to work out of town and I had them Friday-Monday, she had them Tuesday-Thursday, and she got to have them one weeked per month to balance things out. It meant that the kids only went about 3 days between seeing parents. You might think they would have liked it, but they hated it. They strongly desired a return to week on, week off because it gave them a chance to get into the routine of things.

Some folks have speculated on the notion of doing week on, week offs that feature an exchange on Wednesdays. While that handily manages the issue of long weekends and holidays, it splits my kids' school weeks up, and they HATE that. They really do prefer being with one parent for a straight week. It makes it very clear for them (except summer holidays) in that they know the last day of school is the same day that they change households. They then get a full weekend with either parent to kickstart their week with that parent.

Lots of different ways to manage it. If your ex can finally wrap her head around the fact that 50-50 is in the best interest of the children/child, and you are both flexible and put the kids first, you will work something out.

That being said, are you dealing with a mobility issue as well?
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:48 AM
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@ Strait...so do you guys maintain the week about during the summer as well? It makes sense especially when it comes to vacations, campin, etc

Your friend with 3 daughters...Yikes
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2014, 11:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
That being said, are you dealing with a mobility issue as well?
Yes. Ex lives with her parents and they are moving 70kms away from the school at the end of Sept. In clear traffic, it's a 50 minute drive each way. They currently live 13kms away from the school.

She states that our son's school schedule and our parenting schedule will not be impacted. It will, once bad weather sets in, and she gets tired of the daily commute. Also, that much time in the car is not good for our son, in my opinion.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2014, 11:09 AM
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Oh yes, childfocused, we sure do. We don't have any summer vacation clauses or anything like that in our agreement. We have week on, week off, all year, and the only time that gets split in the formal sense is for Christmas, so that the kids can get some time with both parents over Christmas regardless of whose week it is.

It does make it difficult to ever try and plan a vacation for longer than a week, but my girlfriend and I don't really feel a need to do that when we have the kids as often as we do, and it's not like I'm left swimming in money to afford said vacation by the time that I'm done paying for child support and for the costs of having everything that my kids need at my house.

That brings me to the mostly unrelated business about household possessions. My kids don't do the suitcase thing. They go to either parent's house with the clothes on their backs, and their soccer and/or hockey stuff for the week, and that's it. They have a full warddrobe at each house. In fact, whatever they wear over from their mom's house is what they wear back to her house, just to keep everything neat and tidy. My ex wasn't too happy when I implemented that, because she had got into the habit of sending them over in older, smaller clothes, and like an idiot, I sent them over in the newer clothes that I had purchased. I clued in after a few months and put a stop to that.

That clothes thing that I referenced is mostly unrelated but not entirely. I believe in a hybrid between the whole 'co-parenting' and 'parallel parenting' model. We still have discussions about common disclipinary issues in both of our houses, and have most of the same rules, and try to coordinate who goes to what school events, but aside from that, we have two separate households fully equipped for the kids, and part of it is due to them being in each household for a week at a time. So, there is some coordination, but there is also a parallel, independent component, and it is entirely related to the fact that the kids are in each household for a solid week at a time.

If you do week on and week off, I recommend having that set up. Although I pay a good chunk of money for child support, I don't care that I have to buy clothes on top of that, because the control and security that affords me, along with the one week of stable interaction with my kids, is worth more than the amount of money I spend on the extra stuff.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2014, 11:10 AM
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YYZ, what is the current custody arrangement?
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2014, 11:20 AM
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@Strait...

You systems is what we have implemented from day 1

1. I had a book that follows during xchange with anything that needs to be said
2. exchange happens at school
3. clothes that came with, goes back with
4. both homes buy their own clothes and shoes
5. activity equipments at both places

Yes...I can relate to the sending over in worn out clothes, seems this happens more often out there with people
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2014, 11:51 AM
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We are almost the same, except that we still do emails instead of a book, and allow for phone calls in the case of children wanting to talk to either parent, or an emergency.

Because of my ex's work schedule, and the fact that she lives outside of the school catchment zone, (her choice, and she regrets it), the kids often get dropped off at my place every morning to be put on the bus (during her weeks), rather than using a before school daycare. Then, after school, they take the bus to my house, where my girlfriend watches them for up to an hour until my ex or my ex's boyfriend is able to pick them up. (my girlfriend is a personal support worker, and was able to specifify that she not work during the after school time period)

It is a bit different, but it 100% puts the kids first, and we all just suck up having to see each other almost every day. One would think that it would confuse the kids, but it doesn't, because it is fairly consistent. There have been some spats as a result of ex or her boyfriend running late, or choosing on some days to drop the kids off at the school directly without notice, but in general, it works.
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