Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 12:29 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,001
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default Vent

This is just a vent. No advice needed. Just another one of those eye roll are you kidding me moments.

Partner has been subject to a few "you left us with so much crap" bitches for the last six months. Normally he takes them for what they are but the one this week really made him hurt. Which of course pisses me off even though it shouldnt.

While married, his ex never insisted on the kids doing chores. He did all the outside work and much of the cooking and cleaning (his work is tied to good weather so he was home a lot more than his ex). Not sure how the ex managed in the four years since the split or perhaps its a case of everything finally reached mountainous proportions.

So now hes getting bitchy comments from the kids on how much work the house is and how horrible their lives are because they have to do chores. Its funny because both our parents insisted we have responsibilities growing up so when my father left, as sucky as it was to have to shovel, mow, rake, clean, fix etc, it taught us how to do things how to work hard and how to take responsibility. I get not all parents expect their kids to do stuff but simple things like clean up after yourself would be important.

But the real focus of my vent is this: his ex insisted on staying in the house even with the expense and all the work. It was explained that all the debts would be offset against her equity in the house. Now all he hears is how broke they are how much work the house is how much they have to do to keep it clean etc. and how its all his fault. I get doing the general landscaping is a bitch but having to clean the house? Really? You live in a mess because you don't clean up after yourself. Dad shouldn't have been your maid!

I have a feeling that ex cant afford to hire people to do the work so now the kids have to cut the grass and rake leaves in addition to cleaning the house doing their own laundry etc.

Last edited by rockscan; 11-06-2014 at 12:32 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 12:43 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,702
DowntroddenDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
This is just a vent. No advice needed. Just another one of those eye roll are you kidding me moments.

Partner has been subject to a few "you left us with so much crap" bitches for the last six months. Normally he takes them for what they are but the one this week really made him hurt. Which of course pisses me off even though it shouldnt.

While married, his ex never insisted on the kids doing chores. He did all the outside work and much of the cooking and cleaning (his work is tied to good weather so he was home a lot more than his ex). Not sure how the ex managed in the four years since the split or perhaps its a case of everything finally reached mountainous proportions.

So now hes getting bitchy comments from the kids on how much work the house is and how horrible their lives are because they have to do chores. Its funny because both our parents insisted we have responsibilities growing up so when my father left, as sucky as it was to have to shovel, mow, rake, clean, fix etc, it taught us how to do things how to work hard and how to take responsibility. I get not all parents expect their kids to do stuff but simple things like clean up after yourself would be important.

But the real focus of my vent is this: his ex insisted on staying in the house even with the expense and all the work. It was explained that all the debts would be offset against her equity in the house. Now all he hears is how broke they are how much work the house is how much they have to do to keep it clean etc. and how its all his fault. I get doing the general landscaping is a bitch but having to clean the house? Really? You live in a mess because you don't clean up after yourself. Dad shouldn't have been your maid!

I have a feeling that ex cant afford to hire people to do the work so now the kids have to cut the grass and rake leaves in addition to cleaning the house doing their own laundry etc.
All teenagers rebel against housework. On the rare occasions that I went to my ex's apartment, I was aghast. But now that one of my kids moved in with me, I have more sympathy.

Many of my friends also have this complaint, some are divorced, some married.

I think the secret is you start early with responsibilities and continue to give them more.

My youngest has figured it out. She had to live with her grandmother and step grandfather for a week, and complained to me about how they never threw things in the garbage or even brought their dishes to the kitchen, let alone put them in the dishwasher. She felt used. I had some sympathy.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 12:49 PM
mcdreamy's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,414
mcdreamy is on a distinguished road
Default

I agree with DTD, I would think the majority of teenagers complain about completing their chores. Nothing novel there.

Do you have your own children?
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 01:44 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,001
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Nope. My siblings have kids and have implemented my moms rigid responsibilities rules we had growing up. I just find it frustrating that they guilt him so much about it all. Mom wanted the house which means all the work and dads CS isnt to hire a maid or landscapers.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 03:11 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,001
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

I should also note that the lack of responsibility for actions comes through too. For instance, leaving the lawn mower out. It ends up rusted and not working. But the bitching statement is "if you hadnt filed for divorce we wouldnt have to deal with this." Hes good though that he responds with "well honey you have to take care of things and put them away." He wont tell me all the ugly details of this weeks call. All he said was he feels like a failure as a father.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Time to vent. tdog General Chat 25 02-03-2017 09:38 AM
Vent: going on vacation without 1 child red6419 General Chat 11 07-16-2014 11:41 AM
vent afraid General Chat 42 05-21-2013 05:17 PM
bullying - my vent for the day. CMG Divorce Support 13 10-13-2010 10:25 PM
Wanting to vent Fresh Starts Divorce Support 7 12-03-2005 09:28 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:14 AM.