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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2011, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by worried dad View Post
Before my Wife left Canada I had to give her a signed letter, allowing her to leave the Country with my Children (otherwise it might have been seen as kidnapping). I didn't have to do this, of course but to not do it would mean I was going to make my Wife choose to either stay somewhere she didn't want to be or leave the Children. I would never make her make that decision. It felt like she was kidnapping mt boys but i allowed her to do it, because she said they could come back to visit in August.
Worried Dad, I think you are just being too naive here. Things change, people change, that is just the way how this world is built up. Remember the first sweet feelings when you got married? Remember the happiness that you shared with your wife when your boys were born? Remember the trust, the mutual care that you have established with your wife throughout your relationship? All those can change. Promises can be broken, contracts can be trashed, if your wife wants to do something now and going forward, she is in full control for the time being.

Believe those who have voiced their opinions here, go back to UK to fight for your boys, to fight for your life actually. Your pursuit of a higher education doesn't mean much to your personal life without sons being part of it. Go, just go!
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Old 06-07-2011, 01:52 PM
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Again, I do not intend to be cruel with you, you are in a painful time and place and many of us here empathize with you but in my mind she has been playing you like a fiddle!. Think about it, the two of you agree to make the colossal decision to move to Canada and upon arrival (and only after you enrolled in school I might add) she decides to bolt with the children back to UK. This is perfect for her, she is hoping you stay behind and make yourself more employable and away from the children to get status quo with her.... established. You will now see your kids whenever she decides to and 50% plus of your income...kiss it goodbye for the next 15 years.

Worried dad, I am not a rocket scientist nor a smart guy, I am a guy that has seen your story unfold hundreds of times with uncannily similar results. I am also outraged over men, father's and children's human rights being stripped away in family courts and all too often by the time you finally experience this it's too late..your kids, dignity, freedom, and property and wealth all gone.

My position is clear, if you wish to be an integral influence and experience in your children;s life it will be stripped away from you if you stay in Canada..guaranteed. The deck is stacked against you.
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Old 06-07-2011, 02:28 PM
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She is definitely reneging on your agreement that she could move back to the UK with the kids if they could visit you for the summer. This starts a downward spiral of her walking all over you, manipulating you to get what she wants, her controlling when and how you see the kids, and basically making you a non-entity in their lives. You have to nip it in the bud.


I think for a family separated by so much distance, her having the kids during the school year and you having them for an extended amount of time during the holidays would be the only to do it. If you don't get to see them, they'll never want to come live with you as you mentioned you dream of, as they won't know you anymore!

You need to let your ex know that unless she honours her part of the agreement, you're going to have to rescind yours. I'm not sure how you'd go about doing that legally, but you probably need a lawyer, not us, for that stuff anyways.

I know I've seen posts on here from someone who has an arrangement with an out of country ex, so maybe a search of the forum would turn up some ideas.

Fight as hard as you can for those summers with your children in Canada, or move back next year after you finish your program. Otherwise, the gulf will be too great to surmount. Especially once they become teenagers and can decide they'd rather be in the UK all summer.

Time spent with dad is far more important than the first week of school. Time spent with dad is far more important than avoiding a goodbye because they don't see you at all.
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Old 06-07-2011, 04:56 PM
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I think everyone is giving you really good advice. It may cost you more money in the long run but putting off your education for a year while you go through the court system to get everything settled first is your best course of action if you wish to have as much time with the children and possibly as little support payments as possible.

If you stay here and finish your education your only making a bottomless pit longer. I commend your drive to finish your schooling as a better education and job is better for children but only if you are there to share your time with them. I dont see you getting to spend the time that you should be able to if you stay here.

If you go back and work it out either between the two of you or through the court system you will have a legally binding contract. You will have an agreement that allows the children to come to canada for the summer for example. You really do need to go back because the longer it gets put off the worse it will be for you.

Sorry man i really feel for you. I am going through some stuff myself that is just rediculous but just know you are not alone in the world as little comfort as I know that is.
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Old 06-07-2011, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by worried dad View Post
I would never make her make that decision. It felt like she was kidnapping mt boys but i allowed her to do it, because she said they could come back to visit in August.
Yup, you would never, ever do that. Not to your loving wife and the mother of your children. She'd never do it to you either, right?

Oops, what's that? She says they can't come visit you now?

Oh dear, HOW could that have happened?

Brother, I trusted my ex and left myself completely vulnerable. After all, we had shared many years together and raised children and everything... there was no need to protect myself from her. Guess what? She turned into a vicious animal and tried everything she could in order to ruin me. I got lucky and everything backfired on her, but I am 1 in a billion.

I write to you in this fashion not to kick you in the 'nads but, rather, to wake you up before you lose everything that has ever been or will ever be important to you.

She fucked you, and she will continue to fuck you for as long as you let her. The eventual outcome is in your hands - DO SOMETHING.

Compassionately yours,

Gary
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Old 06-07-2011, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by worried dad View Post
I don't really know the true reason why she does not want them to visit.
Yes you do.

Cheers!

Gary
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