Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 06-06-2011, 09:49 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 3
worried dad is on a distinguished road
Default Uncertain Future

My Wife and I moved from the UK to Canada just over a year ago. We have two children, aged 6 and 8. Unfortunately our dream of a new life went terribly wrong and we separated in May of this year. My Wife has returned to the UK with our children and I made the hardest decision I have ever made. Right now I have chosen to stay in Canada. I have a year left of a college course and I wanted to try to keep the door open to my children one day being able to live in Canada, if they wish to.

My Wife didn’t take to Canada and returned to the UK very quickly after giving me the news that she wanted to go home and then, eventually, get a divorce. I knew we had a few problems but I never saw this coming.

I miss my children so much and I am struggling every day with the decision that I have made.
My mother had planned to visit us for 5 weeks in August. Because my Wife took the children so quickly from me, she agreed to let them return with my mum for a holiday in August. Promises were made and the tickets were booked and paid for. No cancellation insurance was taken out because everyone believed it was going to happen.

My Wife has now told me that, after seeking professional advice, she has decided it would not be good for the children’s mental well-being to come over in August. Saying goodbye to me twice in three months would be too hard on them. But I was allowed to visit them in the UK, if I wanted to ! This e-mail made no sense. If I went to visit them in the UK I would still have to say goodbye to them. The only difference would be they would lose out on a holiday and all the things we promised they could do – Camping, canoeing, swimming, days out etc.
I have e-mailed my Wife back and asked her to reconsider but she is avoiding me now.

I must point out that, although I am in hell right now, my children are ok. They are back at their old school surrounded by friends and family. They are happy and that is all that matters.
However, my worry is that if my Wife has broken the promises that she made to our boys then what other promises might she break.

Before she left Canada we both agreed that we would not think about selling the house for 2 years. This would give me a year to finish my college course and then a year to establish myself. We wrote this down and both signed it but no one witnessed it. It was just for our benefit really. I’m now worried that she might try to get me to sell our house early using the Partition Act.

We promised each other that our separation would be amicable, for the sake of the children. There was no anger between us. We have been married for 15 years and there was only sadness that this has happened. Unfortunately, she is now being influenced by her parents, who seem intent on causing trouble.

My understanding is that if she wanted me to sell the house she would need to use the services of an Ontario Lawyer. I have been told that a UK Lawyer would have limited (or no) power in Canada.
I would also need to employ a Canadian Lawyer. We would both spend a lot of money on Lawyers and forcing the sale of the house would take time anyway. This money would be better spent on the children. This would be even further complicated by the fact that we are living in different Countries. We should stick to the arrangement we both agreed upon. I don’t want to be in the middle of exams and get a letter out of the blue which causes problems.

I would appreciate any thoughts, comments or advice regarding my situation.

I apologise for such a lengthy post.
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 06-06-2011, 10:09 PM
Gary M's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Kanata
Posts: 703
Gary M is on a distinguished road
Default

Her change of heart about the visit has NOTHING to do with what's good for the children and EVERYTHING to do with her fear that they won't want to go back.

Forget the fantasy of an amicable divorce: She didn't screw off with your kids because she loves or gives a shit about you.

Short and brutal comment/advice. It's not pretty and likely not what you want to hear, but think about it anyway.

Cheers!

Gary
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 06-06-2011, 11:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 44
viper56power is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to viper56power
Default

I have to agree with Gary. Her telling you its to hard on the children is a load of crap. Like you said they are happy to be around friends and family and to be back at their old school. She is totally and completely affraid that you won't send them back.

Is it possible for you to make some kind of binding deal that will allow her to feel safe about sending the kids because you have agreed to send them back.

I feel for you man. I will give you lots of credit and say it is good that you are happy that your kids are happy. That is the most important thing. Its just hard being so far away.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 06-06-2011, 11:32 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 485
staysingle is on a distinguished road
Default

I agree completely with Gary M!
The long and short of this matter is the longer you are here and further from the kids the worse this is going to get for you and your kids. By staying back here in Canada to continue your studies is setting yourself up for the ATM, Disney dad routine. My advise is screw the schooling here, get on a flight back to the UK pronto!
Go back to the UK and deal with this stuff head-on. You won't and can't manage this from abroad. She doesn't give a shit about you! She will give a shit about your income though! Staying back here in Canada just to make yourself more employable will only prolong the upcoming conflict.
Good luck in your in a tough spot.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 06-06-2011, 11:38 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 44
viper56power is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to viper56power
Default

I think staysingle's name is advise in itself lol. I'm just kidding. But it does make life easier. I was thinking staying in school here would be a good thing. But staysingle pointed out something very important. The longer you are away the easier it will be her to take you for everything you got and will end up a disney dad. The courts like to stick to what is and has been the childrens living condition. If you are away 6 months to a year to finish school the chances of going back and getting even 50/50 are slim. unless she agrees.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2011, 10:55 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,656
WorkingDAD is on a distinguished road
Default

If I am correct in UK Family Law is more modern I would say and having joint custody with 50/50 would be easier there ... And my understanding that he can do it there...

Try to still negotiate with your ex for kids to come. Tell her that you will provide all information about kids where and when you will go when they will return. Tell her that you understand her fear and would probably feel the same but you are already know how it painful when somebody take your kids from you and you would never did it to her. And what is more important you would never did such horroble thing for your kids.

I would do this, but probably Garry will call me asshole again

Last edited by WorkingDAD; 06-07-2011 at 10:59 AM.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2011, 11:59 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 485
staysingle is on a distinguished road
Default

Family law in the UK is as bad or worse than here in Canada. Watch and listen to Bob Geldolf's take and experience. This guy single handedly help save millions from starvation in Africa and the F--cking UK courts yanked his kids out of his life. "Google Bob Geldof family law", he produced a 3 hour documentary that will make you cry, all dealing with family law in the UK.

Worried dad, you have a war coming into your life whether you want it or not! Never put your wish-bone where your back-bone should be. If you wish to play a meaningful role in your children's lives, drop what you are doing and get over there and fight to be in their life. You will lose if you stay here in Canada....sad but true!
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2011, 01:11 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 3
worried dad is on a distinguished road
Default

Before my Wife left Canada I had to give her a signed letter, allowing her to leave the Country with my Children (otherwise it might have been seen as kidnapping). I didn't have to do this, of course but to not do it would mean I was going to make my Wife choose to either stay somewhere she didn't want to be or leave the Children. I would never make her make that decision. It felt like she was kidnapping mt boys but i allowed her to do it, because she said they could come back to visit in August.
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2011, 01:22 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 3
worried dad is on a distinguished road
Default

My Wife knows (or should know) that as much as I want my boys close to me, right now (as much as I hate to admit it) they are in the right place in the UK. They have more family there and friends. I don't make enough money whilst studying to be able to support them here. Even if I did they would get passed from stranger to stranger whilst I attend College, and I wouldn't want that.
I don't really know the true reason why she does not want them to visit. She gave my mum a different reason by saying that if they come over they would miss the first week in School in September. That's true because when my mum booked the flights for herself originally she hadn't forseen this (none of us had). It might be that my Wife is worried that the boys will have too good a time and not want to return. I just don't know.
Obviously I have a dream that one day the boys would want to live here with me. It's nice here and the boys enjoyed living here. However, right now I'm just trying to stop myself from changing the plan and booking a flight back to the UK myself.
I wouldn't be happy in the UK. Ok, I'm not happy here, at the moment, but if I moved back to the UK and we lived at diifferent ends of the Country it would take just as long (if not longer) to see visit my boys as it would if I stayed here. And this is a nice place for them to visit.

Thankyou all for your comments and advice. I really do appreciate the time you have taken to post. It means a lot.
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2011, 01:25 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 639
LostFather is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by worried dad View Post
Before my Wife left Canada I had to give her a signed letter, allowing her to leave the Country with my Children (otherwise it might have been seen as kidnapping). I didn't have to do this, of course but to not do it would mean I was going to make my Wife choose to either stay somewhere she didn't want to be or leave the Children. I would never make her make that decision. It felt like she was kidnapping mt boys but i allowed her to do it, because she said they could come back to visit in August.
Sorry to point out the obvious but it was you single biggest mistake signing that document without a binding agreement for return of your children.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Repayment of Cs against future Payments awesomemom Financial Issues 13 02-07-2011 08:40 PM
Deducting Contingent Future Matrimonial Home Sale Technodaddy Financial Issues 0 12-16-2009 08:22 PM
Future custody battle. Foredeck Parenting Issues 7 12-11-2009 02:22 PM
Worried about future access Bramton Parenting Issues 1 03-18-2009 02:51 PM
No choice left but to protect my kids and our future. IStillLoveHer Divorce & Family Law 9 12-26-2005 11:46 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:17 AM.