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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 02-09-2012, 12:07 PM
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Either way it seems I'm screwed. I win I hurt my kids and my ex - I loose I hurt my kids and myself. And if I loose my ex would probably be very happy.
Believe it or not, I know exactly how you feel. I've felt both guilt and sympathy many times during this process. Its normal, its ok, and it shows what kind of person you are. When you can feel this way even when someone is attacking you mercilessly in divorce, believe me, you're in a place most people never get to in their lives. And your chances for a successful, peaceful life going forward are very good.

And what Blinkandimgone says is true, it would be a terrible thing for the kids to lose their mother.

But I'd ask yourself one simple question. What happens to your kids if they don't have one compassionate, well-adjusted parent who can put their needs first?

I know that you are the type of parent that will always try to make sure that your kids get to see and spend time with their mom and will be fair to her. So don't feel guilty about what you have to do to protect your children's interests during this process. She is an adult and is an active participant in her own demise. Your children will be the victims.

I know its tough but stop worrying about her ..and worry about them first. Whatever happened to her in childhood, she can get help for it if she chooses. She's an adult now. The kids need at least one fully-functioning parent and it sounds like you're it. Hang in there for them!
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:27 PM
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NOBODY wins in family law (whether it's the Family Court of Superior Court or Family Division in Ontario Court of Justice), ESPECIALLY any children involved! All yo can try for is what's best for your kids and since you and your ex don't agree, it's time to let wiser people who are strangers to you and your situation make possibly life-altering decisions. And the decisions will alter somebodies life. Perhaps numerous somebodies.
On very rare occasions I feel pity for my ex because he is unable to grasp the concept than whenever he tries to hurt me, he's hurting our kids. He seems to have become litigation happy, as I located his name in CanLii from another case last year (not family law!).
Good Luck -- your ex is fortunate to have an ex who still cares...
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Old 02-12-2012, 05:14 PM
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Don't worry about your ex.
Worry about yourself, and how you can improve yourself.

Its a nice sentiment, but everyone captains their own ship.
move on from worrying about how she does.
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