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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 12-13-2012, 07:38 AM
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My daughter is working hard to put herself through college. While at work an ex of mine (not my daughters father, but from a secondary live-in relationship that ended over 5 years ago) and a woman went into her store. When my daughter recognized him she decided to ignore him and kept working (they werenít needing help in her department). My daughter saw him point her out to the woman and say something. Both of them then approached my daughters counter and started yelling at her. My daughter got upset. Next the department manager came over and told my ex and his friend to leave the store for the day and to not return to the department ever. The woman has returned to the store, staying away from my daughters department.
Besides the humiliation my daughter felt, she suffered a hemiplegic migraine as a result of the stress involved. My daughter developed these severe migraines when we used to live with this man and his sons (my daughter was 9 at the time). The man and his sons terrorized my daughter (no physical stuff) routinely when I was out of the house. I only found out about what my daughter experienced after the relationship ended and we moved on with our lives.
My daughter refuses to report the incident to the police and sheís over 18. She didnít even tell me about the incident until several weeks after it happened, and it was something that just slipped out.
Iím at a loss as to what to do here. Iím concerned for my daughter and I live outside of the Province. I found out this man has recently moved to the Ottawa area.
Suggestions?
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Old 12-13-2012, 08:20 AM
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there is no majic pill here. best that came of this is you now know and can begin a new round of moral support efforts on her behalf. Maybe come up with a non aggressive response in given situations??? Be thankful you still have that secure relationship with the most important to you person in this whole wide world!
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Old 12-13-2012, 09:46 AM
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You can have a lawyer send a letter requesting they stay away from her place of work and her home, and threatening a restraining order. But it may not be easy to get one if that doesn't work.
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Old 12-13-2012, 10:05 AM
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Tell her if she sees him to walk away, if he persistists after her tell her to call the cops as he is harassing her.

Outside of that, there isn't much that can be done. You said it was one instance and that, even though the woman has returned, he has not and she leaves your daughter alone. One instance isn't a pattern and her being left alone now shows that they don't intend on harassing her.

If the woman is in store, does the store have security? If it is a department store, which it sounds like it is, it likely does. If your daughter has issue with the woman being there, get security to remove her.

If they continue to harass her, tell her to get a restraining order.
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Old 12-13-2012, 10:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
You can have a lawyer send a letter requesting they stay away from her place of work and her home, and threatening a restraining order. But it may not be easy to get one if that doesn't work.
It is a community area, a department store....it is unlikely this will have any impact or enforcable, unless while they are there they harass or otherwise cause a scene at her work. And then, that would be the employers job to obtain a trespass/restraining order on the individuals. She could also, but if the company did, it would be a lot better.
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Old 12-13-2012, 10:18 AM
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As pointed out by Hammerdad, to claim harassment, you must first establish a pattern of unwelcome behaviour. Reporting that first incident to police is the first step to establishing this pattern, especially if incidents like this continue to happen - if not, great; but if it does, you'll want to start establishing a history so that you can eventually move on to get a restraining order or have the police press charges if things get out of hand. Nothing will probably result from this first report, but at least it will be on record, especially if the store owner will act as witness that the incident happened.

Again, if nothing else happens from now on, great. But if she is really wary and afraid of further unpleasant interactions, your best first step right now would be to report that first incident and have it on record.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:40 PM
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not that it matters but what did they say to her??
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Old 12-15-2012, 08:46 AM
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She doesn't remember what they said. There is a pattern of her being severely bullied by him and his sons from when she was younger. I'm thinking that the whole thing has re-traumatized her as she indicated that the whole thing was a blur.
As originally stated, I asked her to phone the police. She won't. But, she did confirm that the store manager is a witness, plus that there are security cameras in the store.
I feel like my hands are tied. ddol1’s advice about talking to her about non-aggressive responses and continuing to be supportive is the route to go at this point.
I am fortunate and very thankful for our relationship and proud of the young adult she has become, especially after all she has had to overcome in her life. I will keep records of as much information as she has told me and hopefully there won’t be any more incidents.
I thought that there might have been something that I was overlooking so wanted to put this situation out there. Thank you to everyone for your ideas.
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Old 12-15-2012, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Burned View Post
There is a pattern of her being severely bullied by him and his sons from when she was younger.
Unless there are police reports that show her being harassed, this likely means little.

Further, that was "when she was younger". So there hasn't been an issue until they bumped into each other at the store. So there is no pattern.

Tell her if he comes in again and does the same thing to call the cops ASAP. But right now, there is nothing she can do.
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Old 12-15-2012, 03:46 PM
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I had a similar experience a few years ago. My son had a decent job in junior management at a large western Canadian food store. This happened a few months after my ex and I had separated.

My ex's g/f found out where my son worked. She lived in another town approximately 35 kms away. Once she found out where my son worked she would drive into the city, several times a week, and try to engage my son in conversation. He would repeatedly tell her he was busy and tried to give her the polite brush-off. Her efforts to engage him escalated. She would tell him how much his father loved him and go on and on (my son didn't have anything to do with his father after his father gave his car away to the g/f's son).

My son ended up telling the store manager what was happening. The store was fairly good about it and whenever they would see the g/f on security cameras they would call my son to the office. It still bothered him and he ended up quitting his job.

After that my son has never told his father where he works or given his father his cell phone. This situation may resolve itself when your daughter gets another job somewhere else. Sad situation but I don't think there is much she can do about it.
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