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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 08-14-2012, 05:50 PM
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19 years is considered a "long" marriage, and given her age she is one year short of the "rule of 65". If her age and the years of marriage add up to 65, then spousal support is often indefinate.

At this point I'd suggest most strongly you don't count on getting out of this with a short period of support. You should be making the strongest arguments you can, look at her skills, education and work experience, research her job category, find evidence that she will have secure employment at an excellent wage, and gather examples of job listings. Get factual proof to back all this up. Show that her career didn't suffer during the marriage. Hopefully show that she benefitted from equalization sufficiently and isn't owed any compensatory support; she has a fair share of assets accumulated during the marriage. Cover all your bases.
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 08-15-2012, 01:07 AM
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Again, thanks for all the advice. There are so many angles to cover let alone try and educate myself on all this BS litigation. The brain gets rattled pretty good trying to cross all the T's and dot the I's. I've been definitely keeping notes on all the great info you all have provided here. I finally got a call from my lawyers office to come in this Friday to discuss the separation/divorce agreement to finalize it to present it back to her and her lawyer. I still think Its going to end up in front of a judge which I think is probably a good idea on my behalf. I can't wait to discuss what I've learned here.
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 08-15-2012, 01:09 AM
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What is compensatory support? She lived a good life all the way thru and ended up with more than half the assets. That I can prove.
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Old 08-15-2012, 01:32 AM
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As per compensatory support,in many cases a woman stays at home being a homemaker to the detriment of her career .After a long time it is nearly impossible to re-enter the workplace.Often employers would prefer not hire women in their 50s and 60s who have been out of the workforce for what could be 30yrs.When the marriage dissolves the husband can go to work and carry on life as normal but these women have to get training to function in the more basic jobs due to ever evolving technology.Without training they simply may not ever get a job.Funny thing is ..many spouses demanded that their wives stay at home for years to be the traditional mother/housewife.

When things sour these spouses do need help ,and some need lifetime support because at retirement age they cannot work to support themselves.So yes some spouses do require compensatory support as they gave up their career to further their husbands.(This is just a broad sweep, and yes some men stay at home and no Im not tarring everyone with the same brush,my apologies to anyones hurt feelings)
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Old 08-15-2012, 04:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by murphyslaw View Post
As per compensatory support,in many cases a woman stays at home being a homemaker to the detriment of her career .After a long time it is nearly impossible to re-enter the workplace.Often employers would prefer not hire women in their 50s and 60s who have been out of the workforce for what could be 30yrs.When the marriage dissolves the husband can go to work and carry on life as normal but these women have to get training to function in the more basic jobs due to ever evolving technology.Without training they simply may not ever get a job.Funny thing is ..many spouses demanded that their wives stay at home for years to be the traditional mother/housewife.

When things sour these spouses do need help ,and some need lifetime support because at retirement age they cannot work to support themselves.So yes some spouses do require compensatory support as they gave up their career to further their husbands.(This is just a broad sweep, and yes some men stay
at home and no Im not tarring everyone with the same brush,my apologies to
anyones hurt feelings)
I can understand that. My ex is and was working so it doesn't affect me this way. I never forced my ex into staying home. The children do need a parent full time at a very young age. If it's possible financially for a mother to stay home and of course agreeable than fine. I realize some mothers have very important careers and again, that too is understandable. Most mothers now a days end up back to work when the kids hit school full time. I personally think it's wise b/c you never know what the future holds.
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Old 08-15-2012, 10:00 AM
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I was married almost 30 years. I was the major breadwinner. I don't give him any money. I did for about 3 months then when he took a vacation to Florida for 9 days I cut it off. Haven't given him a penny since. I am not vacationing! He cries about having no money all the time. Screw that. He has his own business .... can scrounge up $10,000 to put a new motor in his Porsche .... he does not need my support!
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 08-15-2012, 10:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sax View Post
I was married almost 30 years. I was the major breadwinner. I don't give him any money. I did for about 3 months then when he took a vacation to Florida for 9 days I cut it off. Haven't given him a penny since. I am not vacationing! He cries about having no money all the time. Screw that. He has his own business .... can scrounge up $10,000 to put a new motor in his Porsche .... he does not need my support!
Clean breaks are good, but your reasoning is not.

You are lucky that he does not take you to court given the current thinking about SS and 30 year marriages.

Though I think there is gender bias when it comes to SS and that would play in your favour.

Personally I only believe in compensatory SS (sharing income to account for damage to career as a result of the marriage).
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 08-15-2012, 10:58 AM
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No offense but I think there is a thread somewhere on this site where woman do get preferential treatment. It is gender bias though. I wish I could drive a porche and collect SS too. It doesn't sound like either one of u is hurting.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 08-15-2012, 08:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
19 years is considered a "long" marriage, and given her age she is one year short of the "rule of 65". If her age and the years of marriage add up to 65, then spousal support is often indefinate.

At this point I'd suggest most strongly you don't count on getting out of this with a short period of support. You should be making the strongest arguments you can, look at her skills, education and work experience, research her job category, find evidence that she will have secure employment at an excellent wage, and gather examples of job listings. Get factual proof to back all this up. Show that her career didn't suffer during the marriage. Hopefully show that she benefitted from equalization sufficiently and isn't owed any compensatory support; she has a fair share of assets accumulated during the marriage. Cover all your bases.
Mess: we wre both 42 at the time of separation and almost 19 years together. Thats 61 years.
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 08-15-2012, 08:52 PM
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You would fall under upper range of medium length marriage I believe. You are both relatively young. Lots of factors to consider and if your ex isn't having to pay rent somewhere that can make a huge difference believe it or not.

Mess is right about proving he ability to support herself. Show she isn't too old to resume a satisfying and rewarding career. Actually I'd focus on that.
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