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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 08-13-2012, 07:12 AM
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Default Stopping Spousal Support

I realize every case is different. I was married approximately 17 years. Separated for over 2 years now almost divorced. My ex makes about $20/hr approx. $40k/year. I make $40/hr $80-$90k/ year. She's self sufficient in every way. How long do I have to pay SS? is there any way out of it. She lives mortgage free, vehicle paid off, bought her out of my pension, I have a couple more years of CS before both kids are out of school. A friend of mine was in a longer term marriage and he was done after 6 or 7 years after he took her back to court. I do realize their are many different factors based on any decision made by a judge.
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Old 08-13-2012, 07:30 AM
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the big thing is what does it say in your SA about it??
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Old 08-13-2012, 07:49 AM
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My lawyer tells me flat out it's half or duration of ur marriage. Wtf is that! I'm not paying that long. Its not in the agreement. Is that the norm? Sure I can ask for an end date and she don't have to agree on it. Who decides this? This whole thing is just f--ked to me. Does a judge decide? To finalize my divorce, I think it's heading to the courts b/c of her. Property issues, pension, CS are all done except these little things. This is what's costing money between the lawyers. I just want it done. I guess I'm going to spend some extra cash and hopefully have something go my way.
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Old 08-13-2012, 07:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baffled_Dad View Post
My lawyer tells me flat out it's half or duration of ur marriage. Wtf is that! I'm not paying that long. Its not in the agreement. Is that the norm? Sure I can ask for an end date and she don't have to agree on it. Who decides this? This whole thing is just f--ked to me. Does a judge decide? To finalize my divorce, I think it's heading to the courts b/c of her. Property issues, pension, CS are all done except these little things. This is what's costing money between the lawyers. I just want it done. I guess I'm going to spend some extra cash and hopefully have something go my way.
i totally agree with you. She is making good money and not struggling.

Did she take time off to raise the kids?

Your lawyer is right but she, your ex also has to prove entitlement. Its not just automatic. Others will post about exactly what she has to prove. Dont lose hope quite yet.
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Old 08-13-2012, 08:01 AM
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She worked on and off until she got into a motor vehicle accident in which she fully recovered. She returned to work full time about 3 years before we separated. No, I'm not giving up either. I just want it over. It's such a painful process financially. The emotional part the frustration of cutting all ties with her completely.
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Old 08-13-2012, 10:23 AM
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In another thread you stated that you had a 20 year old child. If you were married 17 years, did you live together beforehand? This makes a big difference. As well, how old is your ex? This makes a big difference.

Depending on the answers to these questions you may have to pay spousal support indefinately. You need to be clear if you want a clear answer.

I don't understand why you are paying spousal support now. She has not proven entitlement. Child support should be paid from date of separation because it is the right of the child. Entitlement to spousal support has to be shown. If you have issues with paying spousal support, you shouldn't be paying it. By paying it you are admitting that she is entitled.

Why is the 20 year old still receiving child support? Are your children going to university?

Your ex should be imputed a full time wage regardless of how many hours she works. Spousal support would be paid according to what she is capable of earning, not what she chooses to work.

Is your lawyer a divorce specialist? How many years experience? You should be better informed than this. We can offer some numbers and some advice but you have to be clear about your circumstances.
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:29 AM
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I apologize for the jumping around. We lived together for about 2 years before we were married b/c the oldest came before we were married. No! The reason why she took time off was to get her income down. My kids are adults and one is away playing jr Hockey.
I can honestly say I shot my self in the foot by paying her. I did not seek legal advice right away. We did our own agreement. My lawyer says our old agreement is null and void so then that means anything we agreed to other than property and pension b/c that was agreed not to be revisited. If I stop paying her now, what would a judge say. I really cant afford to pay what I'm paying. She's taking home $5400/ month I'm taking home $2800/ month. Wtf! My lawyer doesn't answer my calls. I end up speaking with his secretary. He gets the messages I know that. My oldest son is in his last year of college. I know my lawyer is working on the income statement from her. Her lawyer hasn't submitted it to us. Maybe if I stop paying SS all together this will motivate them. Will a judge look down on me or will he show some fairness?
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:41 AM
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What does it say in your own agreement about SS? What did you originally agree too?
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Old 08-13-2012, 12:04 PM
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In the original agreement I agreed to pay her. Why should that matter? It's null and void. Thats before we sought out legal advice. Her lawyer clearly stated that the original agreement is null & void.
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Old 08-13-2012, 12:25 PM
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Trying to understand the facts of your situation. If you have an agreement in place, you would have to follow her. That is why it matters. Why/how would the agreement be invalid now? What has changed all of a sudden?

I would expect your orignal agreement would state you pay $X SS for X years.
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