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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 09-16-2014, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted by childrenand happy View Post
thats the problem with oil patch you give so much time they dont allow family on location, thus is why Alberta is divorce capital. If I could change my schdule I would believe me. They would let me go and just get someone else to fill my position. Thanks for everything In the end she walks away with finacial freedom55 and I still work away what a kicker.
Don't feel too sorry for yourself. I'm familiar with the oilpatch situation and the story usually goes like this: you can earn ridiculously huge salaries, but only because there's someone else at home who is raising the kids. If you choose to take advantage of the opportunities to make a lot of money by spending two weeks out of four in the patch, you've also chosen to depend on your spouse to handle the kids, the house, and the other aspects of life on her own. I have seen dozens of situations like yours.

This works fine as long as everyone's happy, but it's also a recipe for drifting apart and gradual alienation from each other. You've made choices that have put you in the top 5% of Canadian income earners. Those choices came with a price tag, and that's what you're encountering now. As they say in Alberta, it's time to "cowboy up", figure out what a reasonable settlement with your ex would be, and pay it. It won't be a huge amount, but if she's been subsidizing your time in the oilpatch while looking after the kids, she probably has something coming to her.

I don't know what your skill area is, but the shortage of tradespeople and people with oil-and-gas skills in Alberta is such that I can't believe it would be impossible for you to find another job that would allow you to be home more frequently to look after your kids, if your current job won't allow a schedule change. People switch jobs in the industry constantly. You may have to accept a lower income and cut back your lifestyle a bit, but it can be done. I don't think your chances at 50/50 parenting with very young children are very good if you're away for two weeks out of every four, especially if your ex has been a de facto single parent for years. I suggest you figure out how to get a more child-friendly schedule, and then with that in hand, go for 50/50.
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Old 09-16-2014, 06:58 PM
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My question would she be awarded spousal support we have been married for 5 years, one child is grade 2?
Realistically, based on what you've posted here...she's probably eligible for SS.

But due the short duration of your marriage, you should be hard negotiating a very limited term of it.

I'm curious...who's idea was the divorce?
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 09-16-2014, 08:13 PM
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It would be mine. I could'nt live a marriage where I did'nt get affection no love no sex, when we would have sex once every 6 or 7 months she would say do we have have too. She pushed me away for many years and I could'nt take this kind of marriage any more. When we had our Daughter who is two now, and a son 7 she said she was pregnant I responded with who's is it. I felt like my home was just a place to do laundry, a roomate that was all.
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Old 09-16-2014, 08:19 PM
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. I felt like my home was just a place to do laundry, a roomate that was all.
You just lost laundry service my friend.... should have kept a 3rd home for love and affection!
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 09-16-2014, 08:25 PM
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I'm a faithful person raised correctly, I just couldnt do that. Alot of people said that but nope.
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Old 09-16-2014, 08:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by childrenand happy View Post
It would be mine. I could'nt live a marriage where I did'nt get affection no love no sex, when we would have sex once every 6 or 7 months she would say do we have have too. She pushed me away for many years and I could'nt take this kind of marriage any more. When we had our Daughter who is two now, and a son 7 she said she was pregnant I responded with who's is it. I felt like my home was just a place to do laundry, a roomate that was all.
Wow I am blown away. How did you think she felt when you were gone for two weeks then probably wanting sex as soon as you stepped in the door? You ever think she was tired with raising two kids basically on her own so sex wasn't top of her priorities? Just all about your needs there isn't it?

To ask her who's kid would it be when she was pregnant was a total low blow. Unless you know she was cheating then that was so cruel.
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Old 09-16-2014, 09:10 PM
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There is a EX boyfriend that visited our house our entire marriage. so yes thats why I said what I said our first child we tried for a year before concieving, And the last I honestly dont remeber doing the deed. that why I said what I did. It's not really important at this stage of the game.
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Old 09-16-2014, 09:13 PM
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^^^True enough. When he came home after working hard for so many weeks, he's expecting R&R and to be treated like a King. Trouble is Mom was probably exhausted after caring for the kids and running the household solo, maybe feeling a tad unromantic and wanting a much needed break ... It's all about expectations.
" I felt like my home was just a place to do laundry, a roomate that was all."
I'll bet anything that she probably felt the same way while doing HIS laundry.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 09-16-2014, 09:24 PM
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I love divorce. Any comment made can bent into whatever one wants to believe.
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Old 09-16-2014, 09:27 PM
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That's exactly what lawyers get paid to do, you were warned
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