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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 05-09-2012, 09:21 PM
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Just want to say that I feel comforted by having this forum. when you are going through a situation like a separation, it's nice to turn to people that have gone through it or are going through it.

In my situation, I feel that I've come a long way. I mean, it was rocky in the beginning- esp when I found out my ex had cheated on me for as long as he did. I think now the problem is the feeling that it is so unfair. I have always felt like he bounced back- he's got a great career, a girlfriend that he is now living with and is just...I don't know...doing so much better than I would like to see. Am I mean to think that I would like to see SOME suffering on his part?? Even a little, just something to know that karma exists...

Don't get me wrong, it'snot like this sits on my brain a lot. It's not- I'm. for the most part, happy and better off without him in my life. Even if I'm struggling when he's not. I am with my girls, I have my family and I am now ready to move on with my life- without him in it. I just sometime feel like it's not fair....
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Old 05-09-2012, 09:47 PM
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It really does help to access ppl on a forum like this, that can relate. All totally normal feelings to have.. I've been struggling for a long time and I'm SO happy to not be with my ex!

I have a cpl of gf's and their ex's have bounced back quite well, or so it appears. First off, you don't really "know' how great someone is doing - but we are naturally inclined to think they are doing so well, and are all happy-go-lucky. It's not usually the case, meaning our perception and the "reality." A high percentage of men adapt VERY quickly to their new found freedom of being separated. Also, they seem to jump into new relationships a lot faster than women. That's just my observation. I know that some women get into new relationships pretty fast too. I've been single for the majority of the time since my separation, and I can honestly say that even though I've been through hell (mostly financial) - my son and I have a spectacular, close relationship that became even better, almost immediately once the EX and I separated. I don't really have a problem meeting the opposite sex, I just find that I haven't met the "right one" - and I mean, for me AND my son. I flat out refuse to be in a bad/dysfunctional relationship ever again. I won't do that to myself, or my son.

So If he's happy, good for him - but you and he have some unfinished business and children together. You are getting on track with that. Be all business.

For whatever reasons, your relationship ended. You don't want to be with a partner you can't trust anyway, so you're better off without that. Focus on the CS that is owed and on you, and the kids. Look after "Mom." Exercise, read, spend time with good friends and family. THIS (separation) - it's YOUR second chance!

Happy Mother's Day

Last edited by hadenough; 05-09-2012 at 10:41 PM.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:48 PM
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It seems like there's often one person who bounces back faster than the other, usually the person who initiated the circumstances of the separation. And it makes quite a lot of sense, because they've had a head start in getting used to the idea. Especially if it was someone who cheated on their spouse and then moves in with the other lover; they don't even have the phase of struggling to be unexpectedly single to get through. Not to mention the ex is highly unlikely to give you the satisfaction of knowing any of their struggles.

And karma does exist: I had a hard time being sympathetic when, a month after our separation, the car my ex's girlfriend had just given him got totalled.

Last edited by Rioe; 05-09-2012 at 10:52 PM.
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Old 05-09-2012, 11:02 PM
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Rioe: More or less true, although I initiated the separation. I quite enjoyed my new single life and meeting new people. I was on top of the world. Right up until X bankrupted and dropped an atomic bomb on my life that I'm still climbing out from. I used to travel, my business was going well - right up until I got rocked. It's been an awful few years. The ruined credit (mine), the financial devastation, the Court - truly an awful few years. He lives the high life (his bankruptcy is fraud and still before the Courts) - he is in arrears, short pays CS, ignores the SS order.. That Karma is coming though lol.

Despite the the pure hell he's unleashed on me (and our son) - I am SO, SO happy that I am no longer with him. Things are going to get rough for him very soon - which helps me little, but yeah I admit, it's rather humorous to me. He's had a good run. But the party is almost over. No, I'm not laughing at all He has brought it all onto himself.

Last edited by hadenough; 05-09-2012 at 11:05 PM.
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Old 05-10-2012, 02:27 AM
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Whatever helps one to survive is important IMO. If that means looking at the OP's situation and comparing your own, so be it.
That said, breakups are not easy for anyone regardless of what appearances may be. In my case, I wish my ex would find a new partner. Maybe then they would stop being so childish and vengeful and focus on the needs and best interests of our child.
I wish a better life for the children that have parents fighting over them but sometimes it cant be avoided.
My own parents seperated when I was quite young and my mother harboured unbelievable anger and resentment for my father until his death. That anger did not help us children in any way. From that I hope my ex has a fantastic life. My reasoining for this is to hope they will become more worried about having a great life without me instead of trying to hurt me through our child.
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:02 AM
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hadenough: I know I'm much happier. I have gone to school, finished at least the one year (it was a 2 year program) and have something to show for a situation that should have brought me down. I know my strength and actually realize that I thrive on that kind of life (tho, I do not want my life like that all the time!)

His karma will be coming on him. I know this is something I have to approach the right way- while karma can be lovely when it turns on the person that had it good for a while, i still need to show that I'm the bigger person here. I am going to be moving, which mirrors the decision he made 3 years ago to leave for the CF. He left, doing it for him. This time I am doing it cuz it is for the best of the girls-- I can get a better job in the field I went to school for and I will have a massive support system as my extended and immedieat family is up there. He just moved to a base supposedly to be closer to the kids. While I am doing it for the kids and know that they will benefit, I can see the hint of karma underneath.

And I will admit, tho not in front of the kids- it brings a small smile to my face. I don't like being like this but at the same time...i dunno, guess I just am...
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