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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 09:16 PM
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It may well be that he doesn't attend the play group because he does not wish to spend time with you, however he may choose to attend a play group on his own with the baby on his own time. Much as he will establish his own routine with the baby when he has the baby in his care and you are not there doing everything.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:19 PM
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When the baby was about 45 day old he wanted to take him out of town for an entire weekend asking me to pump 2 days worth of milk in 3 days....I said no that is not reasonable- he instantly pulled the " ok you are denying my access. I will document that" line....
So did you offer him an alternative plan?

Like, I can't pump that much milk this weekend so I'll prepare formula for you to supplement with ...or....we can do it on XX/XX/XXXX weekend instead which will allow me enough time to pump the milk required?

Basically, he's asking to see his child so I find it hard to believe that he's totally not interested in parenting. Your posts are a bit contradictory. For instance, it kind of seems like you offer him supervised parenting time doing the activities that you think are appropriate but when he asks for alone time with the child, you balk. It comes off as a bit controlling.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
Bring the child to him for his parenting time?
Its the driving! OK I got it.

Driving isn't a problem in the future, but my family member has been doing the driving and I just stay away when ex picks up the child. And that family member will NOT drive that far.....

I don't think driving is a problem if the conflict dies down and he stops calling me name whenever he sees me and make up a story of me abusing him afterwards.

If driving is the problem, I don't see it being a big issue.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:24 PM
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Mama - just keep trucking towards a parenting schedule and CS. He's going to be showing his worst now, and you are going to be torn also, and it will take some time (and education in Cdn Family Law) ... for both of you ... before you both come to terms with co-parenting separately. It really is an unnatural arrangement, though kids can thrive (I'm 7 years in) ***when parents keep their conflict between themselves***.

Last edited by dinkyface; 11-06-2014 at 09:27 PM.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
So did you offer him an alternative plan?

Like, I can't pump that much milk this weekend so I'll prepare formula for you to supplement with ...or....we can do it on XX/XX/XXXX weekend instead which will allow me enough time to pump the milk required?

Basically, he's asking to see his child so I find it hard to believe that he's totally not interested in parenting. Your posts are a bit contradictory. For instance, it kind of seems like you offer him supervised parenting time doing the activities that you think are appropriate but when he asks for alone time with the child, you balk. It comes off as a bit controlling.
I offer him his own time, 2 hours each time 3 times a week. And I tried to offer him different time frames so it fits his schedule.

At that moment I wasn't sure about the alternative plan about the milk. I was asked not to supplement if I wanted to EBF, I never used a pump before and I didn't even have one either at that moment. I didn't have any formula either. ( But I wish I was given instructions by an experienced mother on how to work out an alternatives....all I felt was very pressured...and I had severe complication from the childbirth I was also quite bedridden)

He was asking to take the baby to his family members who live out town ( 1.5 hours away) for 2 days....I just didn't think it was the best for the baby since he was so young.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:29 PM
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And why is this a bad thing because of the age of the baby? Babies have no idea where they are at that age.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:29 PM
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Its the driving! OK I got it.

Driving isn't a problem in the future, but my family member has been doing the driving and I just stay away when ex picks up the child. And that family member will NOT drive that far.....

I don't think driving is a problem if the conflict dies down and he stops calling me name whenever he sees me and make up a story of me abusing him afterwards.

If driving is the problem, I don't see it being a big issue.
You asked what else you could do. So I suggested driving the child to him. Remember you are the one that moved, so in fairness you should bear the majority of the travel burden.

If your family member won't help you then figure something else out for the good of your child.

There are many, many, many posts about how to manage a child handoff in situations where ex's are hostile. There are many different alternatives to handle this so that you two do not have to interact...its a non-issue if planned correctly.

And no, it wasn't JUST about the driving. Its about your controlling and denying fair parental access to this father.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
Momma - just keep trucking towards a parenting schedule and CS. He's going to be showing his worst now, and you are going to be torn also, and it will take some time (and education in Cdn Family Law) ... for both of you ... before you both come to terms with co-parenting separately. It really is an unnatural arrangement, though kids can thrive (I'm 7 years in) ***when parents keep their conflict between themselves***.
That is it. CS isn't really my concern. I have been supporting my ex since we started dating since I make a lot more than him. I want his genuine interest for the baby, not what his parents force him to do, not to please anybody else in his family, but his own interest of spending time with the child.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:32 PM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
And why is this a bad thing because of the age of the baby? Babies have no idea where they are at that age.
oh i just thought a 45 days old baby going out town for 2 nights without food is a bad thing...I didn't have enough milk neither had I pumped before.
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 09:34 PM
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I offer him his own time, 2 hours each time 3 times a week. And I tried to offer him different time frames so it fits his schedule.
You expect the guy to drive 20 minutes each way for a 2 hour visit which won't allow him enough time to take the child back to his residence or to visit with his family.

So basically, he can visit the kid if he stays near you and your residence?

LOL, I wouldn't agree to that either.

Why haven't you offered him at least one overnight visit with his own child? Then he could at least justify the trip if he has to do the driving.

I see nothing wrong with him having the child for a weekend. Its a great idea, especially if you're complaining about not feeling well. It would give you a rest and give the baby a chance to bond with his father and his father's family.

Again, the more you post...the more you show your ass (forgive the slang).
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