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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2014, 12:35 AM
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Default Some comforting wisdom to share with you all

A church sister once told me

".... A divorce brings the worst out of a person. So if your ex is being nasty to you/ or falsely accusing you, this might be the worst you will ever see from him. In another word, he might not be all THAT bad in other situations"

Just thought I should keep this in mind, hope this will you give some comfort.
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Old 11-06-2014, 06:39 AM
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Could that not also go the other way? Maybe the way you are treating your ex isn't entirely correct or the things you are saying are not true because divorce is bringing out the worst in you?


Divorce doesn't have to be nasty but if one party is holding a grudge and the other is hostile you will get no where.
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Old 11-06-2014, 07:27 AM
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I am not that far into the process yet.

But when I got served with the court paper my reaction was " what the hell is h talking about?" all lies and twisted facts..... Even the things he claims that I say to him contain words that I didn't even understand ( English isn't my first language)...


I also wonder if he tells his lawyer any truth


I look back though I do see things I could have done differently. So I hope he can also forgive and forget instead of using money and child to hurt me. ( I was the bread winner and now at disadvantage for finance)
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Old 11-06-2014, 03:35 PM
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View points are dependent on where you currently stand. Don't misconstrue what are feelings, thoughts, understandings and facts:

Fact: The floor is wet.
Feeling: I'm worried about...
Opinion: I fear she may have mental health issues
Thoughts: I think she wanted me to do xxxx

Be surprised all you want with his paperwork. He likely didn't write any of it if he is represented.
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:10 PM
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Quote:
But when I got served with the court paper my reaction was " what the hell is h talking about?" all lies and twisted facts..... Even the things he claims that I say to him contain words that I didn't even understand ( English isn't my first language)...

I also wonder if he tells his lawyer any truth

I look back though I do see things I could have done differently. So I hope he can also forgive and forget instead of using money and child to hurt me. ( I was the bread winner and now at disadvantage for finance)
You know I find it really difficult to be a guest to the pity party you're throwing for yourself when you say stuff like this in another thread:


Quote:
Fairness is not what a family dispute is about. Think about the poor little baby, how can I leave without him? He was sick and needs to be fed. A mother and a baby are practically ONE. Many doctor calls the first 3 months the "4th trimester".
Frankly I find it ridiculous that you think that your ex is supposed to act in a noble fashion and do not act in that manner yourself. Let me remind you that you took the child away from his father without legal permission and with an extremely sexist mindset. Men take care of newborns all the time and newborns need to bond with BOTH parents....not just their mothers.

I'm not religious but I believe that one of the main tenants of religion is to treat others as you expect to be treated yourself. So if you want your ex to treat you a certain way during the divorce process than maybe you yourself should make an attempt to be fair...regardless of the fact that he's a male.

And lets not pretend that what you did is in the best interest of the child. Children have a much better chance at a healthy emotional life when they have BOTH parents in their life...not just their mothers.

I do not side with people who unfairly remove parental access from the other ex-spouse....so until you remedy that...you can expect me, at least, to call you on your hypocrisy when you post "I'm a victim" crap like this.
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
You know I find it really difficult to be a guest to the pity party you're throwing for yourself when you say stuff like this in another thread:




Frankly I find it ridiculous that you think that your ex is supposed to act in a noble fashion and do not act in that manner yourself. Let me remind you that you took the child away from his father without legal permission and with an extremely sexist mindset. Men take care of newborns all the time and newborns need to bond with BOTH parents....not just their mothers.

I'm not religious but I believe that one of the main tenants of religion is to treat others as you expect to be treated yourself. So if you want your ex to treat you a certain way during the divorce process than maybe you yourself should make an attempt to be fair...regardless of the fact that he's a male.

And lets not pretend that what you did is in the best interest of the child. Children have a much better chance at a healthy emotional life when they have BOTH parents in their life...not just their mothers.

I do not side with people who unfairly remove parental access from the other ex-spouse....so until you remedy that...you can expect me, at least, to call you on your hypocrisy when you post "I'm a victim" crap like this.
I have to agree with this. If you want fairness you need to be fair. BTW, my fiance took more time off with his children than his wife at the time did. She took 2 months for the first and 3 for the second and he took the rest of the time. He basically solely raised his children while she worked. So their rolls were totally reversed. He is a better caregiver than a lot of mothers I see. I am sure no one could argue that his children suffered because they never got that "forth trimester"
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:31 PM
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Quote:
He basically solely raised his children while she worked. So their rolls were totally reversed.
One of my best friends had serious post-partum depression after her 2nd child. Her husband was amazing with both their newborn and their 2 year old at the time until she was feeling better.

My next door neighbor just had a baby and her husband took a month off to take care of the baby because she had a bad infection from some stitches and had to remain in bed and couldn't hold the baby for a long period of time. I just saw the baby yesterday and she's seems quite happy and healthy with her dad taking care of her most of the time.

There is no doubt in my mind that men are perfectly capable of taking care of newborns and that they love and adore them every bit as much as their moms do. I feel sorry for any guy who isn't given fair and equal access to his newborn child. That's just got to be really rough....they change so quickly in the first year and there's a lot of milestones to miss.
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:36 PM
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my situation might be unique

-ex never participated in baby care
-abandoned us in the hospital
-forcing me to do things that i physically couldn't when we got home
-screaming and yelling at me in front of the baby
-sleeping through all the visits by public health staff and paid professional
-not allowing me ask for help from close family and friends
-playing video games/inviting friends over late at night for drinks/playing golf the first day after we came home from hospital, which I had to take baby back to re-check alone
-not helping out house work and pressuring me to do it
-not willing to hold the baby more than 2 minute
-physically removing the baby from me if I cry from his yelling
-did not let me have the baby sleep close to me- MUST in baby's own room
-did not let me have the baby fall asleep in my bed-because his mother said so
-pressured me to have circumcision for our son altho i wasn't comfortable
-other things i m weary of disclosing because of confidentiality


I left to seek support from family member, NOT to divorce or anything....but the marriage counsellor, CAS and public health staff talked me into my senses and something clicked..


I was planning to go home after the weekend but that never happened because he started threatening me.
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:36 PM
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Careful, Pursuinghappiness, divorcingmama might complain to the other members that you're being mean to her, even though you're just telling her things that she doesn't want to here.

Not that this happened to me or anything. (cough)
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:41 PM
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straittohell, that must have bothered you great deal....you are giving me too much power?
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