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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #161 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2012, 05:25 PM
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Just thought I would post an update.

Case conference didn't go very well, for me anyway.

I did get the travel consent signed and the kids and I just returned from a fantastic trip. In return she asked for a couple of things during the Christmas break which I agreed to.

It was a DRO case conference.

Arrived at the court house early and my lawyer and I went up and waited out by the meeting room.

My lawyer and her lawyer went off and talked for 10 minutes.

My lawyer returned and we went to a private area to talk. He had hoped that when he talked to her he could find out where they stood on the issues and the possibility of settling. He came back and told me they would not budge on any of their points. She wants Primary Residence with "generous" access (not defined), Full Table Child Support for both kids, Spousal support in an amount 2.5X the max DivorceMate amount. Equalization payment to be held as security for both Child and Spousal support. He basically told me they would not negotiate these points.

The case conference began. DRO started of suggesting that this case looked perfect for a specific mediator. The lawyers talked back and forth talking about this and that.

The conversation switched to the travel consent. This was worked out pretty quick. I had the form ready for her to review and it was all signed and witnessed.

My lawyer then brought up the sale of the matrimonial home. Say it should be agreed to be listed immediately He lawyer argued it could not because we could not agree on custody therefore couldn't agree on support therefore she wouldn't have a place to live therefore they would not agree. The DRO seemed to agree with her lawyer.

We started to talk about custody. DRO started off saying that we both wanted sole custody but also talked about my offers to settle which was shared custody and access. He asked what the current situation was and the lawyers said it was currently shared. Every other weekday and alternating weekends. DRO asked opposing lawyer why that couldn't continue. Her lawyer replied that she had been the childrens primary care giver through out their lives and the current situation was forced upon them by me. My lawyer jumped in and said they I have always been an active parent in their lives. Her lawyer argued that my ex's schedule mimics the kids schedule. I interjected stating that it was not exactly the case the kids were in both before and after school as we both needed care at different points in the day. DRO ask what the hell we did when we were together. It was explained that I did all before school care and she did all after school care. He asked my ex why she thought that couldn't continue. She replied that I have extensive working hours. DRO asked me what I did for a living. I told him that I worked for a bank. DRO explained that that's not really extensive work hours. He then asked my ex why she continue continue to pick the kids up from school and then have me pick them up on my way home from work. Her reply was that that wouldn't be 50/50. DRO replied that it could be made up in different ways and she could have the kids fed for me to pick up. She actually told the DRO that she didn't want to feed them. DRO looked shocked and asked her to explain. She then said that it would be an additional cost and that it wouldn't be fair. DRO said that the costs of that could all be worked out. DRO then determined nothing would be settled today. Suggested perusing the mediation as suggested above. Both lawyers agreed they would do the research. It was stated the cost was $150.00 / hr and it would be shared at $75.00 / each. Lawyers agreed. details were exchanged
and name of the person was provided.

DRO started talking about the NFP. Both NFP's were very close. Her lawyer stated that my ex couldn't afford the buyout and they wanted it held as security. DRO ignored the comment stated she has a large pension and that it might have to be used to equalize.

Conversation then switched to motions. It was agreed between the lawyers and DRO that a LONG motion would be required to deal with the house, custody, and support. Next available date was May.

We left with the DRO and went down to book the May date. DRO and my lawyer were talking very casually about the case. I overheard them talking about incomes being very close. Wondered why we couldn't agree on Shared. DRO and my lawyer both commented on the high requests for support. They talked about the mediator, then he left.

My lawyer and I had a 20 minutes meeting. Lawyer told me that it did not go very well in terms of settling. He had hoped that we could have at least gotten the house put up for sale. I asked what our next steps should be. He said unless I wanted to increase my offer to settle which he didn't recommend. I would have to wait until the LONG motion. He said it would be unlikely that a judge would change what has been happening for the last year (50/50). Said a temp order for offset child support would most likely happen based on the resulting temporary custody/access arrangement. He also told me their is some risk of a temporary spousal support order. He told me that "need" isn't hard to prove but did say her requested amount would be highly unlikely. He said the house would most likely be ordered sold. He said he would go back and research the mediator and get back to me.

So all in all I was very disappointed with the day. Nothing got resolved, I have to continue to live with my ex until at least May.

When I got home from the meeting and saw my ex later that night she told me she told her lawyer she would not pay for the mediator and they were not going to do it. I emailed my lawyer telling him not to do any work in regards tot he mediator.

So now I am at a loss of what to do. Do we just wait until the long motion in May.

Thanks
  #162 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2012, 06:00 PM
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Keep the note. Scan it and save it if you can.

From there, just go about your day. She likely isn't too please with how things went as well. It is likely things will be uncomfortable the next month or two....it sucks, but we deal....

Just do what you are doing. Think of it as the light at the end of the tunnel.
  #163 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2012, 06:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
Keep the note. Scan it and save it if you can.

From there, just go about your day. She likely isn't too please with how things went as well. It is likely things will be uncomfortable the next month or two....it sucks, but we deal....

Just do what you are doing. Think of it as the light at the end of the tunnel.
What note are you referring to?

I had a great trip with my kids last week and the break from the house was fantastic both for myself and the kids.
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