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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 03-21-2011, 04:41 PM
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Default So overwhelmed!

I don't know how to begin. Have spoken to a lawyer many times. Keeps asking the same question, I keep giving her the answers. She has not done anything for 2 months and I took a break for awhile in pursuing the legal separation.
My Husband of 26 years is not living here now. It is quite complicated. I wish things were different, but they arent and that is why my name here is Accept. I need to be able to accept this in my life. We have a 20 year old and a 25 year old. They are struggling with all this too as their father seems to have left them as well.
My husband is not changing anything financially. We have a joint account and the mortgage is paid automatically and I pay the bills from this account as does he as far as I know.
I still use the joint credit card account.
I haven't worked for a few years due to a health issue and am not sure that I can ever work outside of the home again.
Everytime I mention a legal separation with a clear financial agreement, he mentions that he will make an appointment with a marriage counsellor...then doesn't. This has been ongoing for about a year and a half.
Like I say it is complicated and I don't feel like this is the right forum to explain all this complication.
I don't feel very safe financially as I don't have anything in my name and he can decide to not pay the mortgage and to not have his salary go to this account anymore.
I feel so much at his mercy and he is not straighforward with anything. He double talks and crazy makes so often, I don't know if I am coming or going.
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Old 03-21-2011, 07:41 PM
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Get yourself a consult (pretty much any lawyer will give you a free 30 minutes (in order to get your business)) and find out what you can do.

It is survivalble (most of us here have been through it at least once) but nothing will ever move forward as long as you're willing to be played.

We teach people how to treat us, and if your STBX enjoys playing the control game with you, it's only because you let him. TAKE control of your life and do what you gotta do.

Start with that appointment.

After that, all the info and expertise you will ever need is right here.

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 03-22-2011, 10:05 AM
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Thanks for your reply.
I appreciate your advice of taking control of my own life.
I think that is the lesson I have to learn in all this. Being a wife and mother, the way that I am, I have been and am a nurturer, a caretaker.
The dance between my husband and I has been in place for a very long time.
I have spoken to lawyers and to my mortgage holder to find out what I need to qualify to take over this mortgage.
I have asked lawyer to send financial disclosure forms, but now know I could have found them online (more money wasted).
I asked for this from my lawyer last week and have not recieved them yet. I wonder if she is slow or if this is a usual outcome?
I would love for my husband to get his head our of his a$$ and seek real healing for himself and our relationship...so I lie in hope and accept the little nuances as he says things or does thing that make me feel that we may get back together.
The more it goes on, the stronger I get in knowing that I deserve more than the crumbs he is offering and to get my own head out...it is a process.
We have been married 26 years and together 31. That is a dance where the steps are ingrained for sure. I am learning to step on toes now
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