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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 06-12-2013, 09:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioMomma View Post
I find it hilarious that she sent an email from her iPhone right away.

Obviously she has a data plan then so has constant access to email.

Ridiculous.
She does have a data plan but claims it costs a lot and she doesn't like to use it. Although she posts crap to facebook all over the place.

The other thing I find strange is she claims she has wifi at her house but no computer.... Why would you have internet and no computer. Makes no sense.

They are all excuses from a high conflict person.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 06-12-2013, 09:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
She does have a data plan but claims it costs a lot and she doesn't like to use it...

...The other thing I find strange is she claims she has wifi at her house but no computer.... Why would you have internet and no computer. Makes no sense.

They are all excuses from a high conflict person.
lol. Exactly. Getting a clearer picture of your ex, from your other postings as well. She doesn't sound low-conflict, that is for sure. grin.

So if she has wi-fi at her house, then she can make use of that, if she doesn't want to pay for her data plan usage. Unless she uses her data plan and phone, as a wifi hotspot, well then, she's already using her data in much more intrusive ways, through that means. Who knows, who cares. It's hard to understand a high-conflict individual, and why they say the things they do.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 06-12-2013, 10:43 AM
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Some excellent articles that counter the majority of nonsense arguments that highly conflicted individuals give for "not" using OFW:

Our Family Wizard: An Excellent Tool for Co-Parenting with a High-Conflict Person, Part 1 l Dr Tara J. Palmatier | Shrink4Men

OurFamily Wizard, Part 2: Common Excuses Made by High-Conflict Parents Not to Use OFW and Effective Counter-Arguments l Dr Tara J. Palmatier | Shrink4Men

Quote:
Common Excuses Made by High-Conflict People and/or Abusive Personality Disordered Individuals Not to Use OurFamilyWizard and Effective Counter-Arguments
1. It’s too expensive! Not true. Compared to other services you’ll pay for during your divorce and custody case, OurFamilyWizard is relatively inexpensive. After hiring the most qualified divorce attorney you can find, OFW is probably the best money you can spend during and after your divorce. If your high-conflict ex refuses to pay, she or he ends up looking like the bad parent who doesn’t believe the welfare of the children is worth the relatively small expense. Your message should be, “My kids are more important than $200.”

OFW has two price plans:

$99.00 for a one year subscription per parent (27 cents a day). This equals $198.00 for both of you.
$179.00 for a two year subscription per parent (24 cents a day). This equals $358.00 for both of you.

Many custody cases involving HCPs are so toxic that couples are either court-ordered to communicate via their attorneys or elect to do so on their own. Attorneys don’t write emails and make phone calls for free. This is where OFW can really save you money. One of my clients estimates that OFW has saved him over $45,0000 in communications that were previously going through he and his ex-wife’s attorneys and parental coordinators. Presently, he only utilizes his attorney when his ex engages in behaviors that pose a risk to their children and/or when she’s in violation of a court order.
If you need counter arguments to most of the nonsense that highly conflicted individuals try to use to get out of being on a monitored and managed platform those articles have it.

Furthermore, Just search "Czutrin" and "Our Family Wizard" and/or "Our Family Wizard" in CanLII.org to see why, how and how often it is ordered.

Highly conflicted people hate to have their communications tracked. They like to communicate viva voce because it makes it easier for them to be deceptive and lie about what was actually said. This is why people who are the targets of highly conflicted individuals have to carry recording devices often to deal with false allegations.

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 06-12-2013, 02:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
Subject: Games

I don't know what kinda games ur playing XXXX u really need to grow up. U talk about doing things in a mature manner and then u block me from texting u and ur not answering ur phone. Ur children wanted to say goodnight they wonder why u never call them to say goodnight. I'm done communicating with you via email. I don't always have internet access I told u that in front of the lawyers. You really need to grow up! The only ones your hurting is the children.

Sent from my iPhone
OMG!!! Add a bunch of spelling mistakes and that email could be from my ex!!!!

I have the same problem. I'm constantly reminding him to use email. I try to ignore the texts but I like your tactic. I may try that.

Oh, also wanted to mention that Yesware will also track emails and confirm they have been opened. Not sure if it's certified like ReadNotify though. I'm currently checking out both of them.

I would LOVE to force the ex to use Family Wizard.

Last edited by HappyMomma; 06-12-2013 at 02:51 PM.
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Old 06-17-2013, 05:28 PM
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{start rant}

Well I have not had a text message from ex in 4 days.

Today was exchange day. I had the kids Wed pick up - Mon drop-off.

I got 4 emails from her tonight

I'll paraphrase.

email 1 - 2:57

You sent the wrong gymnastics outfit.
You didn't send any clothes for me to put them in on Wednesday.
You forgot their health cards (yup I forgot)

next email 4:05

What happened to {daughters} lip and leg. (she fell riding her bike)

next email 4:15

Do you ever bath these children or cut their nails (not paraphrasing there)

next email 4:38

I'm sending them to school in xxxxx clothes....they were a gift....I want them back blah blah blah.

I replied to the first one...stupidly just mentioning that yes I forgot the health cards and I would send them on Friday. I also mentioned it was the gymnastic outfit that daughter wanted to wear. She of course came back with more crap not included in the above 4 other emails. I have just ignored her now. I really hope this isn't going to happen every week. Do these types of people ever get a life. *$#&

{/rant}
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 06-17-2013, 05:45 PM
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5:41 pm

Son came home with one Hot Paws Mitten please return the other one to my place so I have them for the winter. It was one I bought him for Christmas.

  #17 (permalink)  
Old 06-17-2013, 06:08 PM
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FB:

There's no doubt that your ex is...umm..."special."

But just use this as an opportunity to decipher the things that are relevant from the things that aren't.

Respond only to the relevant items...maybe just once...at the end of the day by email. If I were you, I wouldn't entertain her text fest at all. I'd answer only by email and I'd summarize it all into one sentence.

ie. I received your 12 text msgs and will take care of the important items during my next visitation time with the children.

Otherwise, enjoy hitting delete.

I can tell you that it will get better with time and with you training her that you're not going to respond to nonsense so its pointless to sent it to you.

It might take considerably more time than it takes to potty train a brain-damaged puppy but eventually she'll stop piddling all over your cell phone screen.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2013, 02:04 AM
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section 3.21 isn't enforceable , its a 'feel good' clause to get the settlement through cause (i am betting) you wanted it , the lawyer probably charged you at least 1 hour of time to write that sentence knowing it isnt enforceable - they do know however they can bill you another 20 hours arguing about it ... cause thats what they do.

think about it, what can the court do ?

throw her in jail ? give her a criminal record so she cant get a job or passport or loan ? hold her child/spousal support payments hostage if she doesnt comply ? maybe give you equal parenting time like 50/50

unfortunately not likely

my x is suppose to send emails on child schedules/events - she sends nothing - same as holidays she just doesn't respond and stalls , its brought to the attention of same judge each year, my x is white collar no criminal record - court wont touch her , 1 of my friends who has a handicap was knocked to the court room floor in front of Judge by his x - court didn't do anything to her.

all I can suggest is don't read or reply to her txts - don't reference them in emails, treat them like they don't exist - your sanity is important - get your settlement signed - focus on what information your not receiving as per section 3.21 and bring that forward in a formal documented way (when the time is right) so the Judge has to respond to it.

be aware she might make section 3.21 an issue - that you don't cooperate , that her and her va-jj need to speak with you with whatever means necessary - that she's a victim in this settlement and get the costs of writing it up transferred solely to you - cause that's the way the system (doesn't) works.

Last edited by pokeman; 06-18-2013 at 02:07 AM. Reason: typo
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 06-24-2013, 10:34 AM
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Well this worked like a charm.

Communication is all by email now. She has calmed down and only sending relevant emails at this point. I've also only responded to emails that require a response.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 06-24-2013, 10:50 AM
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You've got the right idea.

I would recommend that you not respond to things like the gymnastics outfit. First, what can you do? Drive over immediately with the other outfit? (I don't recommend you be at her beck and call like that.) You can send the other outfit over Friday without turning it into a conversation.

When you respond, you are giving her what she wants. Like Pavlov's dog, she is being trained by getting her reward every time she does a particular action.

There was nothing I saw in those mails that required any response. The only mails that will usually require a response would be along the lines of, "Can we switch Wednesday for Thursday this week" or "Can we change the drop off time Saturday?" Logistics needs to be acknowledged so both sides can make plans.

A cut lip, an outfit, a bath, none of that needs a response.
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