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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 01-30-2006, 03:52 PM
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Default sick and stressed

Hi, just wondering how to continue to cope every day without falling apart??
I'am so negative..I have been forced to put my home up for sale. Its in such bad shape that the few offers I've had on it are far below the asking price. My ex dosen't care about anything. The last thing he said to me was he would make sure I loose everything. I feel overwhelmed, 3 years of unpaid property taxes, mortgage due in Feb., mounting lawyers bill, unpaid home insurance, unpaid car insurance, much needed home repairs. Not sure if I should move out and rent an apartment and just let the house rot. Maybe I should borrow money to fix my house and pay of some debts?? I'm exhausted to the point I can't think straight!!
Sorry everyone, feeling very very down and out.
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Old 01-30-2006, 05:10 PM
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Separation and divorce are both emotionally and financially draining. I've been at it 3 years and I can tell you that time does heal.

Talk to your real estate agent to get an opinion on how much more your home would sell for it you completed the repairs. Also a scrub brush and can of paint can work wonders, to spruce up a home. Do you have friends, family that could pitch in free labour?

Try and keep you chin up.
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Old 01-30-2006, 05:27 PM
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Thanks Grace...but my house needs major repairs such as windows, plumbing, flooring, eves trough, heating, etc. I suppose I should thank my higher power for giving me the strength to finally stand up for myself. Except my short comings. I guess I can't have it all!
You mentioned you've been in battle for three years...I commend you!!
Where do you live?
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Old 01-30-2006, 06:21 PM
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I guess, the scrub brush and paint won't help then. Too bad your ex won't help finance some of the repairs it would be to both your advantage when it comes to getting the price you want for the home.

For me the first year and a half was a living nightmare. I did the councelling route so that really helped. Now all that's left is to divide the assets, which hopefully will be done through a trial in the Spring.

I live approx. 40 KM east of Toronto, what about you?

Remember your stronger than you think.
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Old 01-30-2006, 10:46 PM
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Grace, I have read alot of your posts and I can only hope that I will soon be in the same frame of mind as you!!
Two years ago I discovered my husband had been living a double life under a different name...I was a mud puddle for a year. Last year around this time through counceling and the police I was able to have him removed from our home. You are right, time does heal.
Do you own your own home, and if so do you have to sell it??
I live just ouside of Barrie...little town called Stroud.
My ex lives with a woman who owns a home much, much nicer then ours. He couldn't care less if or when or for how much we get for this house. He just wants to see me and his two kids end up with nothing!!
Well, thats enough for me. Thanks Grace!
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Old 01-31-2006, 12:35 AM
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You can too be free. As long as you allow yourself to let go of the hurt, bitterness and anger. Don't let him, your hurt, or anger control your life or you will be forever in grid lock. This does take time to work through, think of it as a grieving process.

Yes, I am still in the matrimonial home, but not by choice. When my ex left, he purchased a new home for himself and his girlfriend. Then by court order all the assets were frozen (including this home) so I'm here maintaining a home that I can no longer afford. I would much prefer a smaller home with less maintenance. Hopefully our litigation will be finalized this spring, and I can move on.

Do you have a lawyer, are you at least receiving child support. You may be also entitled to spousal support.
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Old 01-31-2006, 08:27 AM
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Hi Grace. I too would prefer to live elsewhere. Too many bad memories plus my two kids ( 18 and 20 years old ) would like to live in Barrie. Better opportunitiy for jobs and closer to Georgian College. I recieve some support for my daughter. Yesterday was her last day in high school. My son is training to be a gas fitter. I feel so terrible...I was so wrong to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids. They tell me now it would have been better to leave long ago. I hope they will be okay emotionally when they are my age!! I hope its not too late to break the chain of abuse!!
Yes I have a lawyer...the next conference will be a settlement conference. We are just waiting for the house to sell. We have a mortgage on the house ( should be morgage free after 19 years of owning the home ) which the ex is paying. I would like to purchase a small townhouse and rent the basement out. Not sure if any equity will be left to put a down payment. Not sure if I'll qualify for a mortgage due to being self employed. Not sure if I'm entitled to spousel support. My ex makes twice as much as me, he claims I'm untruthful about my income. I have shown all my bank statements, gave a list of my clients and how much they pay me and how often I work for them. I have nothing to hide. I know he is hiding alot of his income because he travels alot and is paid a perdium in huge chunks of cash.
Well thanks again Grace for your postive words. I hope everything works out for you too!!
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Old 01-31-2006, 08:38 AM
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Sunday,

you are right your ex should care but doesn't.

I would sell the house.

I hope your receiving tabled child support for the children and additionally perhaps spousal support.

If your ex is living commonlaw with a women, they would factor in her income when it comes to his ability to provide spousal support mainly because he current living expenses are much lower.

These are tough decisions to make but they don't get any easier by putting them off.

It is tough to start your life over, but turning a page in one's life can make a big difference in your happiness.
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Old 01-31-2006, 08:55 AM
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Thank you. My marriage was like no other. I financially, emotionally, physically etc supported my husband and two children. I put my husband through school a few years ago so he wouldn't continue going from job to job.
My parents also helped us for the first 15 years of our marriage.
I could go on and on about how much I supported my family but I don't want to sound like a martyer. I don't want to be the victim any more.
I'm so sad for my kids..their father never calls them...never asks if they need anything...he was away at Xmas...never got together with his kids...not even a Xmas card!!
Oh what have I done...what a mess. I'm so ashamed I didn't have a back bone years ago!
Thank you!
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Old 01-31-2006, 09:00 AM
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P.S. I'am trying to sell the house but my ex will not except an offer below the asking price. Does anyone know if I can get a court order stating my signature has the final say of the sale of the house. My lawyer says its expensive. Maybe I can get an order without my lawyer. I started this separation without a lawyer. Went to court a number of times before a judge ordered me to get a lawyer for my own protection.
Thank you
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