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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 10-16-2005, 01:24 PM
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Default Deciding to End Your Marriage

I’ve noticed a common theme in a lot of people’s messages on the forums is that they’re not sure that they want to end their marriage, even though they may already have separated. I think that’s great; divorce isn’t easy and I think a lot of people walk away from relationships too soon instead of working on them. On the other hand, I’m somewhat cynical - I’ve only seen very few relationships that recover from this point.

I’m just wondering: what you think about this situation and what advice or recommendations you might have for the person who isn’t sure?
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Old 10-17-2005, 05:40 PM
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Default Try to work it out

I believe that if you are not sure you want a divorce, then do not rush into anything. Talk this over with your spouse. Tell him or her how you feel and discover how they feel. You just may be able to work things out.
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Old 10-17-2005, 07:50 PM
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Perhaps it is because one half wants out and the other is holding on.
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Old 10-18-2005, 06:01 PM
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what would u say to me now, i'm 33 married and have 5 kids with my wife but last two week found out she is pregnant for another married man
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Old 10-18-2005, 06:20 PM
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Default Remember something,

....as Obvious as the nose on your face!

...We have a bird flu PANDEMIC set to start in the next fews years! Why start expensive legal proceedings now?

....I suggest waiting and we'll see who comes out alive!...
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Old 11-15-2005, 05:09 AM
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Default Should I Divorce?

Before moving on with what you need to know about divorce, the next few paragraphs will ask you to look before you leap if you find yourself wanting out of your marriage. Choosing to divorce might ultimately be your decision, but it should be one made in a state of calm with little doubt and few regrets.

When someone approaches me and says he or she wants a divorce, my first reaction is to say, "Are you sure?" Decisions made in haste can take on lives of their own, and before you know it, there may be no turning back to save your marriage. Deep down we all know when we are at peace with the decisions we've made- big and small. Sometimes we listen to our gut and sometimes we don't.

When we make decisions and take action while our doubt mechanism is in full gear, we know we will eventually pay for it. To avoid this scenario, respect the little voice inside you, if it says "wait." Your gut instinct is asking you to reevaluate the situation before making your decision. Before making this significant change in your life take a good look at yourself and your concept of marriage.

When you're looking at the choice to divorce, forget all about the idea of the romantic fairy tale. It's time to take a good look at marriage and understand what it really takes to make this type of partnership work. Depending on how realistic and honest you are when evaluating your situation, when it comes to a divorce, you may find that the grass may not always be greener on the other side. For a good dose of reality, sit down and write out a pro and con list of staying married vs. the realities of divorce and being single.

Consider the following: children, your career status and ability to make money, finances, life style changes, cost of divorce, being single again and the threat of sexually transmitted diseases once you're back on the dating circuit. (You may be thinking, "I never want to date again, but trust me, you will.)

Consider the following:

* Have you gone to marriage counseling?
* Have you and your spouse taken the time to talk and isolate the real problems of the marriage?
* Do you really listen to each other or just nag, complain and tune out?
* How well do you compromise and try to find time for enjoying quality time together?
* How productive or destructive are your methods of fighting?
* Do you kiss and make up without holding grudges?
* Are you teammates working toward the same goals?
* Are you both willing to work on your issues together?

Writing out the answers to these questions will help guide you in making an educated, rational decision. Divorce is difficult, but it might be your best option and worth the temporary discomfort of transitioning into a new life. The process of honest evaluation will help you experience more peace and have fewer doubts regardless of your decision.
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Old 11-15-2005, 12:30 PM
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Divorce is a big step.

Best to wait out the one year. If things haven't improved then the answer becomes clear on what steps to take.
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Old 12-11-2005, 01:55 PM
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That is good advice about waiting it out the year. I would have been totally willing to give my husband his "space" or lived as "just friends" to see where it would take us. To rebuild from the ground up. But when there is emotional abuse or even physical abuse (that last one is not my case) sometimes you just have to cut to noose around your neck. You may not WANT a divorce but you may also have no choice.
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Old 12-11-2005, 10:31 PM
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I agree. All the threads are a great read for anyone who is considering making that step. Even when people are in a relationship where abuse is a factor I believe that counselling can go a long way. It may repair, it may not. I was always brought up to believe that when you marry, you marry for life. But I have learned that when you lose the emotional tie that brought the two of you together and one wants what the other doesn't, someone is always destroyed in one way or another. Divorce is not an easy decision for anyone even though it may seem that way for some. More people need to think about it more thoroughly.
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