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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 10-08-2011, 11:37 PM
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Thx for your message ddol1. He is not the type to take anything more than what we discussed. I told him that we could settle everything else in the separation/divorce agreement but that he could take what he needs for his daughter for now and I know he won't deviate from that. He is not a malicious person in any capacity so I know I can trust him to only take what we agreed upon. I don't think I can stand around and watch him dismantle her room in front of me so I know it's best that I'm not around to witness it. I don't want him to see me crumble in front of him.

I'm sorry you still have to live in the same house as your ex... I can imagine that it's torture everyday. I appreciate your advice that I will find new happiness but that's so difficult to see right now. I know I will be okay someday, I'm smart, attractive, funny, make a good living, etc. but these first days are absolutely horrible. The rug has been pulled out from under me and I'm just lost.
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Old 10-09-2011, 09:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lost22 View Post
I'm smart, attractive, funny, make a good living, etc. but these first days are absolutely horrible.
maybe there's sthg I can do to ease the blow
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Old 10-09-2011, 11:48 PM
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Like that's appropriate Skndlz2904. Get lost.
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Old 10-10-2011, 08:38 AM
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Like that's appropriate Skndlz2904. Get lost.
hey come on Skndlz2904 was just making a joke to try and make you laugh, that is why the big green smile face.
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Old 10-10-2011, 02:26 PM
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Sorry guess I've lost my sense of humor too
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Old 10-10-2011, 02:32 PM
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Quote:
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Sorry guess I've lost my sense of humor too
it happens, but things will get better.
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Old 10-10-2011, 02:35 PM
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Thanks standing. Guess I'm hyper-sensitive these days.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
hey come on Skndlz2904 was just making a joke to try and make you laugh, that is why the big green smile face.
standing, you are one smart cookie...
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:26 PM
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Lost22:

Quote:
He is not the type to take anything more than what we discussed.
Be careful there. Not trying to be cynical but the problem with the divorce process is that its designed to make people mercinary even if they aren't designed that way. I'm not suggesting this will happen to you but I think the approach should be to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

You do really need a support system during divorce. Its a tough process..even for those of us that wanted it to happen. I can't say I have any feelings of loss over getting rid of my horrific stbx but I do feel loss over my home and the changes in my life sometimes. Divorce means a lot of change and sometimes the days are truly rough to get through. You're going to have to leave the kids out of it and find people to talk to, cry to, and help you through the process. Your family, friends, maybe a consellor or a support group. You can try meetup.com, there are some divorce groups that meet on there depending on your area. I think a lot of people miss the illusion of what they thought/wanted their partner or marriage to be than what it actually was.

Best wishes and I'm very sorry about your loss.
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Old 10-11-2011, 09:15 PM
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Yes, I would be very careful as well. Around here, we see so many horror stories about how we expect one type of behaviour and then go through hell when we get another instead. I bet you were confident he wasn't the type to ever separate from you either! If you can't stand to watch, invite a friend over that day who will watch for you while you sob in another room or something. Divorce does something funny to people, and makes them do unexpected, and nasty, things. It's scary.

As for your (former) stepdaughter, it's such a shame that your relationship with her has to come to an abrupt stop just because the relationship with her father ended. He's just being an asshole and wanting you to suffer without regard for what it's doing to his daughter. The best interests of the child is to continue contact with you. Do you have contact information for her biological mother? If you're on speaking terms, perhaps you can chat with her about continuing the relationship with her daughter in some fashion. At least you'd have an address to send cards and presents to on special occasions, and it won't be long before she's old enough to contact you on her own, if she wishes.

Once you're past the emotional shock, do some research on former step-parent rights. I know that former in-laws are able to continue grandparental relationships past the divorce of their child. Maybe there's something similar that would apply to your situation.

As for your situation itself, it's a huge emotional shock to have our world turned upside down by being abandoned by a partner. You need time to sort yourself out, and maybe seek counselling to help you get through the initial stages. There is no shame in your feelings. Just don't let them govern drastic decisions you make at this point. Ie, don't sign anything in haste!
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