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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 02-10-2015, 07:16 AM
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Default SC's, Motions and Trial's.. Oh My!

I preferred "Lion's, Tigers and Bears .. Oh my" watching Wizard Of Oz growing up. But like many, this is my reality right now.

I wont talk too much here. I just want to get straight down to business. This thread is dedicated to making all the right moves for D3's sake. She loves both of us. She deserves both of us in her life equally. Unfortunately, I'm the only person pursuing that.

For those of you just joining it's a long story, Abduction, false allegations, denials of access, dirty OCL's, unprofessional legal aid lawyers and an ex who is destined to play the system for handouts for as long as humanly possible on our tax dollars.

I spent a long time building my case getting drug/alcohol tests, taking parenting classes, etc to clear my name while she withheld our child from myself and her paternal family.

I got my desired results at a motion which was very emotional. The judge saw through everything. The time I took to give the judge the "hard evidence" was well worth it. My affidavits weren't just words .. they were documented proof.

So what now?

A 2nd SC on the way very soon. Access going stupendous. Ex is still on the war path, insinuating that D3 is not normal. (Sleeps with her, has nightmares, tantrums, etc).

She thinks that she's going to walk in to the SC and bury me for not consenting to group child counselling for children going through divorce. (Witness counselor for children who witness violence holding it. Many children there who actually witnesses violence. D3 has never). Ex describes this as just another playgroup that is healthy for her.

So, going forward:

I need to continue to build my case. I'd love some assistance.

I need to go over the best interests of the child tests.

The love and affection here are outrageous. I have pictures among pictures of us as a family cuddling, at museums, skating, at restaurants, dancing, sledding, baking, doing arts and crafts.. you name it. Pictures are worth a thousand words in my opinion.

D3 has a sister who reads with her, plays with her, is very intelligent (her report card will be part of CR). Their bond is more than I ever expected. I hear them wake up early singing, dancing .. D8 teaching D3 how to write at the kitchen table. Its simply wonderful.

She has made so many friends in the neighborhood who she sees a lot.

We go to church every Sunday and she attends Sunday school. Her friends are there also.

D3 and D8 play school all the time. D3 says she wants to go to school pretty much daily. Shes excited to learn and make new friends. I approached ex on the matter and she refused. Since there was only one week for registration I did anyways .. understanding that it can be cancelled at any time.

Very early in this case ex and her mother were heard talking about the QC school system. If D3 were put in school here, this would ruin ex's plans I believe.

Ex still comes right up to my doorstep and in my home for exchanges. Im not allowed anywhere near her doorstep. In fact she makes us do exchanges in a busy parking lot .. kind of dangerous.

I'd like to create a to-do list ad/or brainstorm anything else that should be doing which follows the quote below.

Quote:
to be considered:
(a) The love, affection and ties that exist between the child and each person to whom the child's custody is entrusted, each person to whom access to the child is granted and, where appropriate, each sibling of the child.

(b) The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to give the child love, affection, and guidance and continuation of the education and raising of the child in its cultural and religious heritage.
(c) The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to provide the child with food, clothing and shelter.
(d) The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to provide the child with medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws. (e) The capacity and disposition of the each parent to work cooperatively, in a friendly and non hostile manner, with the other parent and/or other family members towards the best interests of the child.
(f) The potential and likelihood of the parent to abuse the power and control which would be granted to them, should circumstances warrant them to have sole custody status.
(g) The likelihood of each parent to respect and to comply to the best of their ability, all orders of the court or any mutual agreement between the parties.
(h) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory home and community environment and the importance of this when compared to all the factors which are considered relevant to the best interest of the child(ren).
(i) Previous history of child abuse by any of the parties against the children and where confirmed abuse has been a factor in the past, the likelihood that this abuse will continue in the future.
(j) Previous history of conflict between the children and the parent and the liklihood that this conflict will continue in the future.
(k) The capacity and willingness of each of the parties to encourage and maintain a child's relationship with their family and friends.
(l) The capacity and willingness of each of the parties to involve themselves in their children's school. (Studies have shown that parents involvement in their children's school has a direct and significant impact on their children's performance at school.
(m) The capacity and willingness of each of the parties to involve themselves and members of their family in community activities and events. It is recognized that a parent's involvement in such activities helps to foster a sense of community and sets a good role model for the child(ren) which are important factors in the child's development and future opportunities.

(n) The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home or homes.
(o) The moral fitness of the parties involved.
(p) The mental and physical health of the parties or their current spouses as it relates to their ability to provide for the care for the child(ren).
(q) The home, school, and community record of the child.
(r) The wishes and preferences of the child, if it is determined that the child is of sufficient maturity and awareness to express their wishes and preference.
(s) The willingness and ability of the parties to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent and the other parent's extended family and to reasonably share with the time and costs of transporting the child(ren) between the parent's homes.
(t) Exposure to domestic violence, regardless of whether the violence was directed against, or witnessed by the child, as well as the likelihood that the child may be exposed to further incidents of violence while in the care of a parent.
(u) The integrity of the parties. (v) Any other factor considered by the community to be relevant to the custody of a child in any particular child custody dispute.
(w) The capacity and willingness of each of the parents to work cooperatively and in an accountable way with those in the community who are trying to assist their family resolve their difficulties and ensure that the best interest of the children are being protected.
(x) Any other rights of the child or parents as defined and ratified by the committee which may not be specifically referenced in the above providing that these rights do not conflict with the factors listed under (a to w).
I want what's best for D3. That's all.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-10-2015 at 07:31 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 02-10-2015, 11:45 AM
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One thought - I'd suggest leaving your girlfriend's daughter out of the picture, much as possible. I know things are going great now, but there's often a "honeymoon period" when kids are first getting to know each other. I saw this with my kid when her father married a woman with a daughter. At first they were BFFs, but as the reality sank in that they were now going to be stuck with each other forever, things went south pretty quickly (though things seem to be getting better now).

Also, unfortunately the success rate for second relationships is not high, especially when one party moves in with a new girlfriend/boyfriend very soon after the marriage ends. Any judge looking at your materials will know this and won't put a lot of weight on the idea that Kid now has a "sister" - because there's a non-trivial likelihood that that "sister" won't be there in a year's time.

Her report card should also not be part of the CR because she is not a party to these proceedings. You should be mindful of her privacy too.
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Old 02-10-2015, 12:34 PM
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Thanks for your input Stripes. My lawyer and I have a very different opinion. D3 social models D8' s great behaviors. She learns off of her. Saying that it's just a honeymoon and they will dislike each other soon is a very negative way of looking at it. IMO. Family dynamics differs so much family to family that I find that statement very broad and anecdotal.
Also...I've never read the stats about relationships after divorce but I can tell you we re very much in love and doing extremely well.
Family dynamic is a big part of the best interests test. (See first point in quote in first post). We have family board game night, etc. It's more healthy than unhealthy in my opinion. D3's relationship with the 2 girls is extremely close. Trust me .. this isn't a honeymoon phase.

I disagree that a judge will have the mindset that this is a honeymoon phase and the relationship will end soon. It's a pretty morbid way of looking at it.
I look at cases like WD ' s and tons on canlii that also don't support your post.

Having said that .. I do understand what you're saying and I thank you for your input. I just don't agree. The Motion judge also liked the idea of 2 females and a family atmosphere. And he was a judge.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-10-2015 at 12:47 PM.
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Old 02-10-2015, 01:08 PM
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I agree with Stripes. The test of best interest is between you and your daughter. No one else should come into the picture. You are her Dad and you alone are strong enough, caring enough and stable enough to look after your daughter and tend to her best interests.

Its great that you have found a lovely person and her child to share your life, but it is not relelvant to your daughters best interests with the exception you are a stable person offering a stable family orientated lifestyle. All siblings go through love hate phrases. Soon the 8 yr old will be 12/13 and will not welcome the 8 year old hanging around her and her friends. Then as they get older dynamics change and then change again. I know I have 3 girls.

Trust your lawyer's take on the situation as that is what you pay her for.

On a side there is nothing more irritating to your ex then You playing happy families and proclaiming siblings and siserly love. She will just get more nasty and vengeful. Just keep that on on the down low!

But its super nice for you and your daughter to have.

This is my opinion anyway.

Last edited by Beachnana; 02-10-2015 at 01:09 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 02-10-2015, 01:23 PM
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I think all families go through the sibling rivalry thing. Not just ones who start new relationships.

I know the love and affection that our family shares. I know how much D3 loves it. I agree with the Motion judge that having these 2 great female role models and family atmosphere is great for D3.
Sorry to hear that some posters disagree with it. To each their own I guess.

Beach...not concerned about how irritated ex is about our happiness or how great D3 is thriving in her current environment.
Man...my ex would love this thread. Lol

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-10-2015 at 01:26 PM.
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Old 02-10-2015, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
CLRA:

(a) The love, affection and ties that exist between the child and each person to whom the child's custody is entrusted, each person to whom access to the child is granted and, where appropriate, each sibling of the child.
I'm sure this counts for something right? It is right in the CLRA, which the judges follow closely.



Regarding stats on remarriage Im pretty sure Stripes is correct .. although my first google search found this:

Quote:
On the whole, remarriages are associated with greater socioeconomic security and life satisfaction compared to remaining divorced or separated.[8] People who remarry tend to have better adjustment to their divorce, reporting more positive evaluations of their lives compared to divorced individuals who remain single.[9] While divorced couples have a higher risk of developing a wide range of physical and mental health problems,[10] remarrying may attenuate, but not eliminate, some of these health risks.[11] Second Marriages: Triumph of decision over hope? It is often assumed that second marriages are riskier than first marriages - “The triumph of hope over experience” as popularised by Samuel Johnson in 1791. A new analysis of data commissioned from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) challenges this assumption. In fact, second marriages overall do consistently better than first marriages. Where one or both spouses are marrying for the second time, couples marrying today face an estimated 31% risk of divorce during their lifetime, compared to an estimated 45% risk of divorce amongst couples where both spouses are marrying for the first time.
Obviously second marriages do not always fare better though. But this little stat actually surprised me. It is only Wikipedia though. Remarriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Make no mistake though. I do understand what you guys are saying. But it's hard to discuss D3's best interests without highlighting this awesome arrangement we have that she's absolutely, without a doubt thriving like crazy in (as per that first point in CLRA)

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-10-2015 at 01:46 PM.
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Old 02-10-2015, 01:53 PM
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But please continue with your opinions. I take them all constructively and appreciate everything.
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Old 02-10-2015, 01:57 PM
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Point taken, but just donot go overboard on it. Its good, it a great family foundation and daughter is thriving. I just do not believe a judge will swayed by it. Your battle is on a different level with your ex. She made false accusation and you have disproved them therefore 50/50, stay in present jurisdiction and move on with your lives.

It should be a simple straight forward story. Well then Enter crazy ex and her equally crazy lawyer.

You do not need to prove your self as her Dad just let the evidence speak for itself.

I agree with Stripes including your SD8 school reports is uncessary.
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Old 02-10-2015, 02:12 PM
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How would you feel if your ex started going on and on about how good her new boyfriend and his child are for your daughter? Would you find that the least bit relevant?

The reality is that you are in a new, relatively untested, relationship. You need to build your case solidly on what YOU can provide for your daughter. Not what some 8-year-old can. Your new girlfriend and her daughter are not party to your separation from your ex. Leave them out of things.

It might be a different story if you and D3 had known them for years, and you were legally married. Then a judge might be more convinced that this was a new stable part of your lives. But what you have is a relationship less than a year along, that looks to all outsiders like a mere rebound.
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Old 02-10-2015, 02:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
How would you feel if your ex started going on and on about how good her new boyfriend and his child are for your daughter? Would you find that the least bit relevant?.
I would feel good that at least D3 has a family dynamic where she thrives and is not being forced to pee on the floor at the raver babysitter's house.
I cant even describe how relevant it is.
If a guy comes in to the picture and is good to D3, respectful and a provides a nice, stable family environment for my ex and D3... why wouldn't I like that? Id rather him sleep with my ex so that D3 could learn to sleep alone while at her house also (instead of with my ex).

In the end it's what's best for D3, not jealousy or resentment that my ex moved on. This should be about the kid.

Agree that this shouldn't be my whole case .. and its not. D3's current living arrangements will be looked at no matter what .. might as well show how awesome it is while Im at it .. was my thinking anyways.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-10-2015 at 02:45 PM.
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