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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-05-2013, 07:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mememe View Post
in my own situation and others that friends have told me about, the emotional manipulator is a good chameleon in public, and the spouse hides the issues that are lying within the matrimonial home. My friend told me of a situation where the husband finally let loose in public and they were shocked as they had never seen that side of him. In my own situation, we were very good at hiding the boiling pot that was bubbling away at home.
I guess that my ex could not be 'labeled' as an emotional manipulator, because everyone knows that he's off the charts crazy. His own family and friends no longer want anything to do with him - there was never any need (or desire) on my part to slander his character, he's a big boy and managed to do that all by himself. Our first case conference, he had an all-out meltdown in front of my lawyer ... no manipulation involved.
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:59 AM
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That was lucky for you. My lawyer, during questioning, also saw the true colours of my ex. I get that the lawyer has to take what you tell them with a grain of salt as they know their client is telling them their side of the story. It is nice when they see you know what you are talking about.
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Old 11-05-2013, 09:19 AM
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For sure it gave my lawyer some extra incentive when my ex threatened to re-organize his face for him. The judge will have no problems with the credibility of my claims. It's a different story with manipulators ... uphill battle.
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Old 11-05-2013, 09:26 AM
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"re-organize his face for him?" Wow - sounds like my ex! My ex attended my lawyer's office one time. He had been ordered by a judge to go and sign some bank release documents. I was not present. I later learned that my ex and lawyer had had a huge shouting match in the main reception room.

My ex never did sign the documents. To this day my lawyer raises the ex's contempt and will not let it drop. To a casual observer, my ex and lawyer are extremely cordial to each other - even joke around on occasion. I'm told ex's lawyer is quite disturbed by the friendly relationship my ex and my lawyer have.

Very strange indeed.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:16 AM
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What I found is that while my ex thought she had successfully deceived my family, turns out she hadn't, and they were just too polite to confront her. They figured correctly that they couldn't do anything about it. But they were relieved when it was all over.
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Old 11-05-2013, 11:16 PM
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My family saw through it as well but I denied and left my family relations to support my ex. He could not do the same. Unfortunately at their gravesite I had to tell them they were right
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Old 11-05-2013, 11:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oink View Post
Someone is going to run to the Mods on this...it's not what people want to hear i.e. you are hurting their feelings you know
I have never had a single issue with the mods, being warned, silenced, banned - whatever.

I reiterate - people should understand that often times their situation is of their own doing. With or without outside influences trying to manipulate you.
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Old 11-05-2013, 11:57 PM
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Thanks, Forrest.
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Old 11-06-2013, 08:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
I have never had a single issue with the mods, being warned, silenced, banned - whatever.


I reiterate - people should understand that often times their situation is of their own doing. With or without outside influences trying to manipulate you.
Here is the sequence of events:
  1. He makes progressively sexist, vulgar comments;
  2. Other posters complain about the comments in a thread about his behaviour, where he refuses to apologize;
  3. He gets warned several times by the Mods and by the board owner;
  4. He apologizes then, apparently not because he sees anything wrong with his posts, but because he has been called out;
  5. He now makes repeated posts like the above, dramaticly portraying himself as a victim of authoritarianism.
  6. Which is what makes me believe his earlier apology was insincere.
Oink, if you really bad about the posts you made that were offensive to others, then you shouldn't feel that you were unfairly targeted by the mods. If you really feel that the mods were unfair, then you weren't being sincere with your apology.
I do feel that this scenario is on topic regarding emotional manipulation.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2013, 04:37 PM
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Yes, the insincere apology. Very typical with an emotional manipulator.

Apologize, blame and describe how they are really the victim in all of it. I heard many of them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
The thing about this, is that ultimately it's ones own job to not let anyone pull you away from doing your own thing.

In other words, it's ones own fault they allowed themselves to be manipulated in the first place. Yeah I know, I shouldn't blame the victim.
The bully, ie. manipulator, is never at fault! They aren't responsible for their own actions, the words that come out of their mouths? Yea right.

Ya know this is why it is hard for some family and friends to see this person as anything but a fair and good person. A manipulator knows very well how to behave and what is acceptable in society, they hide it well. But behind closed doors, a totally different person. Confused me, confused our kids and perpetuates the " you must be crazy because no one else believes you", attitude. And why most do not tell outsiders what is going on.
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