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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 11-02-2013, 12:03 PM
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Default Recognizing Emotional Manipulation

Here's a good site I found that lists how to recognize warning signs of when you are being emotionally manipulated. Those who had a spouse like that, and are still dealing with an ex like that, should find something useful in it.

Heartless Bitches International - Eight Easy Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator

It's not research-based or anything, but still interesting.
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Old 11-02-2013, 07:54 PM
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Laminate it and it would make a good wedding shower/stag gift for people getting married.
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Old 11-02-2013, 08:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead10 View Post
Copyright© Fiona McColl & Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2000, All Rights Reserved

you gotta be fucken kidding me??
Yeah, I had my doubts when I saw the source, but the article is actually pretty gender neutral. It says a lot of things that Tayken has mentioned around here, but without the technical jargon.

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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Laminate it and it would make a good wedding shower/stag gift for people getting married.
It's too late by that point!
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Old 11-03-2013, 03:56 AM
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I thoroughly identified with this article, as this is what happened, and is still happening through this separation procedure. This manipulation can happen in your personal and business relationships. Others saw how I was manipulated, but when you are trying to keep your marriage going, you give in---which is the wrong thing to do as the stress builds and it is hard to cope. I would advise all to read this article.
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:42 PM
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I forget sometimes just how bad it was, and still happens. Other did not see, or chose not to see what was going on.

He is a friend to all! Some of my family and the friends we had have all maintained a friendship with him. It still baffles me that they do not see him for who he is. That is the most confusing part.
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:59 PM
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Oh I know exactly who he is. No bad mouthing coming from me.
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Old 11-04-2013, 02:00 PM
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The thing about this, is that ultimately it's ones own job to not let anyone pull you away from doing your own thing.

In other words, it's ones own fault they allowed themselves to be manipulated in the first place. Yeah I know, I shouldn't blame the victim.
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Old 11-04-2013, 02:12 PM
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Sometimes it takes a while to realize that you *are* a victim. Emotional manipulators can be very good at presenting their view of the world as the only logical and reasonable view, and the "victim" accepts this. It's the old boiling-frog story - turn up the heat very slowly and the frog in the pot won't notice it's being boiled.

Once you have enough "aha" moments and realize that you really are boiling, that's when you can choose between being a victim or a being survivor.

For me, one of those "aha" moments came when I realized that I had spent years listening to someone telling me he knew what I was *really* thinking and feeling, and that he knew what was in my mind better than I did - and that this was crazy.
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Old 11-04-2013, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oink View Post
Someone is going to run to the Mods on this...it's not what people want to hear i.e. you are hurting their feelings you know
You are such a victim.
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Old 11-05-2013, 05:07 AM
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in my own situation and others that friends have told me about, the emotional manipulator is a good chameleon in public, and the spouse hides the issues that are lying within the matrimonial home. My friend told me of a situation where the husband finally let loose in public and they were shocked as they had never seen that side of him. In my own situation, we were very good at hiding the boiling pot that was bubbling away at home.
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