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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Worthless View Post
you are right, the marriage is done. It's just hard to accept
I'm kinda old school and my vow's actually meant something to me. It was not something I did on a whim. I really wanted to spend my life with her.

We are supposed to go on vacation Friday, if I take just the kids and leave her home it's not considered child abduction is it? We live at the same address she would know exactly where we would be. Go or stay home and fight with a unreasonable person. I can just see me arrested at the airport for kidnapping. Oh that would be grand, I wouldn't be employed very long.


Ontario has addiction counsel but its very hard to get someone in to it against there will
This was a preplanned trip and she knows where you will be staying, it is not child abduction.

It would probably be better to go with the kids, give her some space and calm down.

As for her calling the police, she can call the police and claim you abducted the children if you take them to mall to shop for new running shoes. In this case she knows there is no abduction. She can lie, if she will lie now then she will lie in the future. Better to find out now when you have an iron clad defense of a preplanned vacation. I presume you made reservations, bought tickets etc. some time ago and show this.
  #32 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 06:38 PM
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You call the addiction people to help YOU not her. They will give you some guidance as you are not the first person to be in this situation.

Report your incident to the police and get used to do it frequently in the future by the sounds of things. Don't have to make a big thing about it, just leaves a paper trail should you ever need it in the future.

Stay the course.
It's a sad situation and my sympathy goes to you and your kids. Do the right thing - only you will know what that is. I say this as you still sound a bit ambivalent.
  #33 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 08:16 PM
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If you call your local mental health centres they should be able to direct you to the right place to call to speak with a crisis councillor. They should be able to give you info on if there are on call crisis councillors who come to you and can help you deal with a situation like that. The other option is of course, to call the police. You may be able to convince them she is having a mental crisis and taken to hospital for an evaluatuin. She may be admitted on a form ( involuntarily ) and kept there for treatment. Might be your best bet for getting her the help she needs, whether or not your marriage suevives.


Takes a lot of guts to do it, but the easy thing isn't always the right thing.
  #34 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 08:26 PM
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Also, I would take action to safeguard your personal stuff. Leave it at work or with a friend, anywhere but in the house where your ex can mess with it. She's angry and unpredictable, and not the woman you once knew and trusted. Close the joint accounts right now. She's made her choice, and you need to protect yourself and your children from the consequences.

Do all this ASAP before going on any vacations without her.
  #35 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 08:51 PM
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the list
Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum • View topic - THE LIST (Print It)

Like all here, my sympathies go to you and your family, even your now stbx (her choices are driven by the addiction - she will face her choices)... but I do know how hard all this is on you right now - you are carrying the wieght of the entire family; please access all the help you can as it is there but you need to seek it out.

You need to document (custody of your children may ride on this) - call the police station tonight - explain and ask, considering the circumstance what is best done (they may even chose to send a car if drugs are involved (I do not know - call the will help) but read past threads here on the children and their removal from the Matramonial home, she can't legally just pack them up and take them away, she can leave if she choses. You have had some tips on living under the same roof during seperation - it is hard for most, yours will be even more so.... You need to protect yourself against potential serious claims she can make - they may be false but envolving the police, what they chose to do can't be predicted even if she is taking what would be prescription medication as perscribed by her doctor.

What follows is just a few things that entered my head but you do have a lot to do before you leave at the end of the week should you elect to get on the plane. vacation will be good for the kids but as a question: Are the kids aware that they were to get on the plane in a few days to see?? (perhaps relatives) - if they are it would be really a disappointment to delay

You need to consider - you leave for your vacation and you come home to an emty house (jaded - sold for drugs, to cover lawyer fee) but the very least you need to make sure everything is 100% severed financially, credit cards, bank account (anything you have that is joint - if you are not sure, go to your branch, explain and at least in my case the bank manager's first step was to wipe everything out so nobody had access then one by one he set me up, set new passwords). Get out of the house at least a copy, if you chose to leave take the originals out of the house of ALL your financials now. Pictures too (in my case I valued pictures - not replaceable and priceless) and make sure you get everything for the kids, birth certs and sin numbers if they have one.

You can go on vacation but I would consider your risk to your house, cars if in your name, get the keys and get them moved to a safe place as you take your plane trip..... The insurance, I would have her off your plan (call your insurance as it is not 100% simple in Ontario while you live under the same roof, risks - you can get screwed either way....since she is out of control + drugs = a driver rready to kill someone behind the wheel. (remember I deal with my issues and I follow the rules as set by my doctors and I NEVER drive when I am not up to it).

To the house, do you have a neighbour accross the road, perhaps a strong mutual friend that could stop by and enter the house to check on it?? If you do, thought would be to write a good letter of permission to knock and enter the premisis if needed??
  #36 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 09:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
If you call your local mental health centres they should be able to direct you to the right place to call to speak with a crisis councillor. They should be able to give you info on if there are on call crisis councillors who come to you and can help you deal with a situation like that. The other option is of course, to call the police. You may be able to convince them she is having a mental crisis and taken to hospital for an evaluatuin. She may be admitted on a form ( involuntarily ) and kept there for treatment. Might be your best bet for getting her the help she needs, whether or not your marriage suevives.


Takes a lot of guts to do it, but the easy thing isn't always the right thing.
All very valid points, here it is called the crisis line, if you dial 211 you will be given the number for your local branach. Here the crisis team encompasses all aspects of crisis from the mental health group, emergency housing, councillors - should a file be opened you will be assigned a case worker that will follow you through this difficult time - for me they were invaluable from the day they picked me up at the hospital to now trying to find suitable affordable housing. Having been there, the police will do a voluntary admission but there must be serious potential to harm herself, or others, at the time the police come. But all this is available to her as well - but as you are aware, she has to want it.
  #37 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2012, 01:32 AM
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Good posts with lots of information for you.

ddo1 - Found it interesting that you mentioned the art.... first thing I moved to a safe place. You never know what they will destroy in a fit of anger.
  #38 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2012, 01:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Worthless View Post
I work in the oil and gas industry. I do ok financially.
My marriage is all but done and we have two kids. She has never worked while we were married. She quit the day before the wedding and never worked again.

I spoke to a lawyer about my options and Im sorry but the support laws are very unfair.
I am active in my kids lives, I know the teachers at school better than my wife. I take them to activities, play with them, homework, ect...
So come to find out if I file she will likely get the house, most of my investments, vacation property would be sold and split and my income would be reduced to that of a gas station attendant.
My kids do not like there mother much...thats another thread, so I would have them if not right away with in a month or two, but im told id still have to support her. Why?

Dont get me wrong, Id sell my life blood to help my children, but I couldnt care how she lived. If I did divorce and had the children why do i still have to pay her way. Wouldnt she owe me CS
Especially the line, but I couldnt care how she lived. Maybe I am not reading it correctly but the advice given in this thread is way more important to the orginal question.
  #39 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2012, 10:46 AM
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The pictures I mentioned - could be art too (I never had anything I would cry about... ok the one I produced while in school, one in my lifetime!!!) but to me the priceless pictures is of the kids and the family growing up!! This I am thankfull as my ex was not going to let me keep any!! She went balistic on me when she noticed I took the time to take maybe 10 or 20 % with nearly each one having a close double - she still went balistic.

I was actually going to make a digital album for the kids, her too back then if she wanted one - this was a great idea of pursuinghappiness if I remembered well. (I also have the old camcorder movie's that I got onto dvd's as well about 5 years ago) But putting a digital album with the pictures, videos, with some nice music and personal note to each with a lifetime of memories - would be working on it now if it were not abrupt removal from the house last Christmas. Something that will last well past me. Well it waits now for the house to get resolved..... the new owner of the house will get a real strange request one day - it will wait.
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