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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 07-24-2012, 02:09 PM
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Agree with Rioe.

Your separation, her lonliness would certainlyi be a big problem but one you can resolve. Making a move would make sense. A move would get your children closer to you and then if the marriage did fail that might be one less thing to worry about.

Very good variety of easily accessible drug rehab programs here in Alberta.
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Old 07-24-2012, 08:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorac View Post
I agree with Blink. If you give your wife an ultimatum me or drugs,
I agree with the principle, ultimatiums never work and based on the media I would believe drugs and addictions, the person who suffers may have reached the point where they are not in control and may not be able to make the decision loved ones pray for. What you can hope for is for a person to perhaps reach the point that they are ready to give freely to the help that is available for those who are ready.

If you reread my post, I actually worded it carefully in that she doesn't have the choice and this is because in this case it is he himself who is placing the ultimatium on himself, not his spouse. She doesn't have a choice because this post really was directed at him and him alone. She is going to have to accept HIS choice. What I did indicate is he must be in this 100% or the result he prays for really doesn't have a chance. His 100% is to be there for her, example - this will include relocation or new employment as he states later on.... very good example of understanding what will be required of HIM to give his marriage a chance - if there is a chance left at this point. You are going to eventually make those choices but at the same time remember that your entire family at least for the mid term is going to depend on his financial support alone.... may not be the best time to quit a job unless you feel very strongly in a position you have secured here before.
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Old 07-24-2012, 11:03 PM
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sorry I wasn't referring to your post dd but to Hammer as was Blink
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:47 AM
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Off to see the Doctor today at 10:45

You know that feeling you get that something is going to happen?
My wife is suspicious and it's making me nervous. Cloudy and rainy today kinda like my life at the moment... I got a feeling today is not going to be a good day.
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 05:20 PM
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I finally decided it was time to put my cards on the table. Living like this is total BS. I am an adult not a child and it's time to behave like one.

I asked her if we could just speak for 5 mins, no yelling name calling ect, she agreed and we went to sit at the kitchen table. I told her I loved her very much, I hated the way things are and what we have become. We are like strangers sharing a house, actually strangers would be nicer.
So I basically said I wanted to work with her and get her off the morphine. It was starting to effect everything and now the kids so it's time to get some help.
Well.... it did not go well at all. She hit me twice, threw my coffee cup at me ( I ducked and it smashed the coffee maker pot and the cup) She got right on the phone in front of me and call our lawyer. She demanded he see her today, she wants a divorce. She told the kids we are done, they can start packing up there stuff. My daughter cried and my son told her to go to hell, he would never leave the house.
It was a total disaster, I am so ashamed of myself for letting it get out of hand when the kids were upstairs and could hear.

What to do now? Short of putting a sign on the front lawn to let the world know she is hell bent on divorce now. ( I think she thinks it will happen in a few weeks/months) I wont leave my house, I'm not the issue here. If I was a drunk or a cheater perhaps, but I paid for the house and I'm not screwing up the marriage. Besides someone has to take care of the kids and she isn't doing much of that.
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:35 PM
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Read The List. Protect yourself and your kids.

As you've known for a while, this relationship is done. You've put a fair amount of emotional and sweat equity into it, but it takes 2 people to work at the relationship to make it work. If she is unable, there is nothing you can.

Now, instead of focusing on the relationship and why it failed or what, if any, failings you may have, you take that energy and focus on the kids. Do your best to shield them from the BS.

Keep a digital voice recorder on you at all times to protect yourself from a false DV claim. I have a feeling she isn't above it.

She will quickly learn that the lawyer she called (which you called "our lawyer") cannot do anything as they have a conflict of interest. She will need to find other counsel. Same goes for you.

But protect yourself. Do not engage with her. If she hits you or throws something at you again, call the freaking police!!!! Being Mr. Nice guy in that regards is only going to get you hurt.
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:43 PM
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Sorry to hear it didn't go well. Do they have something like Ontario Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Commission? If they do maybe call and you might get redirected to people who have experience with this. I was involved with an intervention many, many years ago and it was a horrible experience. Is there any place where the kids could stay for a while that your wife would agree to? Friends, relatives?

Hang in there.
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:45 PM
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I know it will be difficult but I'd call the police today and file a report (or go down to the police station and do it might be better because of the kids).
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 05:45 PM
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you are right, the marriage is done. It's just hard to accept
I'm kinda old school and my vow's actually meant something to me. It was not something I did on a whim. I really wanted to spend my life with her.

We are supposed to go on vacation Friday, if I take just the kids and leave her home it's not considered child abduction is it? We live at the same address she would know exactly where we would be. Go or stay home and fight with a unreasonable person. I can just see me arrested at the airport for kidnapping. Oh that would be grand, I wouldn't be employed very long.


Ontario has addiction counsel but its very hard to get someone in to it against there will
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:47 PM
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Mr Worthless:

I'm very sorry...you and your children have my sympathies.

Quote:
But protect yourself. Do not engage with her. If she hits you or throws something at you again, call the freaking police!!!! Being Mr. Nice guy in that regards is only going to get you hurt.
This is very good advice. Your ex is having issue and seems erratic and unfortunately, your duty at this point is to your children...so you need to start getting ready for a contentious battle in court.

Like suggested, read The List...and then do exactly what's on it. Feeling sorry for her right now is going to be something you can feel but it can't govern your actions or you could be risking a lot more than just your marriage.

I really admire you trying to so hard to help someone who's having depency issues...its unfortunate it didn't work out. Protect your kids and best wishes!
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