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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2012, 06:48 AM
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Default Possibly divorcing over narcotic dependancy

I work in the oil and gas industry. I do ok financially.
My marriage is all but done and we have two kids. She has never worked while we were married. She quit the day before the wedding and never worked again.

I spoke to a lawyer about my options and Im sorry but the support laws are very unfair.
I am active in my kids lives, I know the teachers at school better than my wife. I take them to activities, play with them, homework, ect...
So come to find out if I file she will likely get the house, most of my investments, vacation property would be sold and split and my income would be reduced to that of a gas station attendant.
My kids do not like there mother much...thats another thread, so I would have them if not right away with in a month or two, but im told id still have to support her. Why?

Dont get me wrong, Id sell my life blood to help my children, but I couldnt care how she lived. If I did divorce and had the children why do i still have to pay her way. Wouldnt she owe me CS
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Old 07-22-2012, 09:47 AM
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If you didn't want to support your wife, you should have stopped the day after the marriage.

If you must, think of it like a severence package. You've had her on salary for years, now she gets a payout.

There is absolutely no reason why she "gets everything" in your divorce, this is completely unsupported by law, and you have either been reading biased rants on the internet or have chosen to simply give up without trying because that is easier than doing a proper job sorting out your divorce.

If your wife were stay at home and was completely uninvolved with the children, I'm not surprised they would stay with you. Here's a tip:

"if not right away with in a month or two." You are digging your own grave right there. You have "joint custody" now, while you are married. When you split, you have the kids at least half the time, and you participate 100% in school, doctors, etc. just like you always have. There is no "in a month or two." Use it or lose it.

These are your children. They don't stop being your chldren for "a month or two."
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Old 07-22-2012, 11:38 AM
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no no you miss interpreted what I said or perhaps I said it wrong. Many factors are missing. I'm not a cold heartless person, I'm fed up and frustrated I could lose a great deal over nonsense.

Let me start again, like I said its another thread so I'm not trying to hijack this one.

I had have no issues supporting my wife, none at all. Raising children is a full time job BUT however if it were a real job she would have been let go along time ago.
Short version, we were happily married, 5 years ago she hurt herself and got a narcotic prescription, she has now developed a dependency and cannot go with out them. She is now abusing her medication and it has started to affect the house hold and children. The medication makes her totally lethargic she has no interests in anyone or anything, mood swings, violent at times. I love my wife I don't hate her I hate what she has become. Everything I have struggled for will be gone because of this, sorry I just don't see it fair. And yes you are correct, I have been looking around the internet , Divorce ??? I'm not sure if its what I should do.

Now as for my children, what I meant was regardless of who won in court for custody, because of her relationship with the kids, it wouldn't take long for them to move in with me if I should have lost in court. I don't turn my affection on and off like a light switch. My son was born premature. 2 pounds 2 ounces. He almost died 3 times. I spent 6 days straight at the hospital before I went home to shower eat and change my clothes.

Last edited by Mr.Worthless; 07-22-2012 at 11:42 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:05 PM
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Depending on their ages. If the children are under 12, then it doesn't matter what they want, the court order stands. Once they are teenagers courts will generally go with what they want (within reason. Changing their minds every time a parent asks them to clean their room won't fly.) The difference with the teenagers isn't built into legislation, but just the practical reality that a teen will walk out the door and stay where they want if they aren't happy. As long as the child is safe, police won't intervene.

If the children are already of age to decide, then you make that point now. A month later hauling eveyone back in court to get an order changed is ridiculous.

If there are reasons, such as narcotic dependancy, that would make it in the best interests of the children to be in your care, you make that argument now, in a fair and factual way. If you try to reopen things later, the first thing you will be asked is why you didn't make the point at the first trial (if you go as far as a trial.) Things don't suddenly, magically become relevant now if they weren't relevant earlier.

As far as what you are writing, consider the post you make on this board a practice run. We will respond, comment, criticize, and point out where you are going wrong, because we have been there, made the same mistakes, and know what we would have done differently. Or what we did right in the first place.

We aren't out to trash you, were here to help. Sometimes that means point out how you're wording is unclear, or how it will screw you up.

Keeping your thoughts clear, focused, logical, and relevant is the first step. Putting them in writing in a clear, focused, logical, and relevant way is the second. If you aren't coming across in writing here, accept our comments and questions as a sign you need to reorganize.
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:06 PM
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[QUOTE=Mr.Worthless;100505]

I had have no issues supporting my wife, none at all. Raising children is a full time job BUT however if it were a real job she would have been let go along time ago.
Short version, we were happily married, 5 years ago she hurt herself and got a narcotic prescription, she has now developed a dependency and cannot go with out them. She is now abusing her medication and it has started to affect the house hold and children. The medication makes her totally lethargic she has no interests in anyone or anything, mood swings, violent at times. I love my wife I don't hate her I hate what she has become. Everything I have struggled for will be gone because of this, sorry I just don't see it fair. And yes you are correct, I have been looking around the internet , Divorce ??? I'm not sure if its what I should do.

[quote]

If this is indeed the case, why are you not focussing on getting her help instead of divorcing her? There are all kind of great rehab centres that can help addicts of all kinds and you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Worthless View Post

Now as for my children, what I meant was regardless of who won in court for custody, because of her relationship with the kids, it wouldn't take long for them to move in with me if I should have lost in court. I don't turn my affection on and off like a light switch. My son was born premature. 2 pounds 2 ounces. He almost died 3 times. I spent 6 days straight at the hospital before I went home to shower eat and change my clothes.
And she was....where?
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:14 PM
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Thank you for the advice. I took no offence to your first reply. I see how my post seemed callous towards my wife.

I have started a thread twice now only to delete it, I tend to ramble and while it makes sense to me, not always to others. There is so much to consider and there is really no one who can offer neutral advice.
My head is like a Maytag on spin cycle
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:23 PM
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[QUOTE=blinkandimgone;100509][QUOTE=Mr.Worthless;100505]

I had have no issues supporting my wife, none at all. Raising children is a full time job BUT however if it were a real job she would have been let go along time ago.
Short version, we were happily married, 5 years ago she hurt herself and got a narcotic prescription, she has now developed a dependency and cannot go with out them. She is now abusing her medication and it has started to affect the house hold and children. The medication makes her totally lethargic she has no interests in anyone or anything, mood swings, violent at times. I love my wife I don't hate her I hate what she has become. Everything I have struggled for will be gone because of this, sorry I just don't see it fair. And yes you are correct, I have been looking around the internet , Divorce ??? I'm not sure if its what I should do.

Quote:

If this is indeed the case, why are you not focussing on getting her help instead of divorcing her? There are all kind of great rehab centres that can help addicts of all kinds and you



And she was....where?

She feels she has no problem, if you bring the subject up she becomes combative. I cant help her if she wont admit to having a problem.
She has had to get a new Doctor, her last Doctor will no longer treat her because she would not submit random urine samples. You can lead a horse to water cannot force the horse to drink.

And she was in the hospital for the birth of our son

Last edited by Mr.Worthless; 07-22-2012 at 12:26 PM. Reason: cant spell
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2012, 12:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Worthless View Post

She feels she has no problem, if you bring the subject up she becomes combative. I cant help her if she wont admit to having a problem.
She has had to get a new Doctor, her last Doctor will no longer treat her because she would not submit random urine samples. You can lead a horse to water cannot force the horse to drink.
But you can force a horse into rehab. If it is as serious as you say it is, have her committed. regardless of whether or not you plan to save your marriage. It's in the kids' best interest for her to get treatment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Worthless View Post

And she was in the hospital for the birth of our son
Of course she was, that's where she belonged - just as you did. What you need to wrap your brain around is the fact that you don't get scooby snacks for doing the right thing just because you're the dad. If mom would be expected to, so should you. Pointing out things like this in your case isn't going to help you unless you were doing it and she was not.

You need to focus on the best interests of the kids moving forward, not who did what however many years ago.
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:47 PM
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How can I force her in to treatment, I'm sorry I'm not educated in this area.

AND if I do force her she would do what do you think??? Kiss me or kill me.
You can bet CAS will be involved, do I want or need that on top of everything I have to deal with now. No I do not.
Because I'm on this forum doesn't mean I'm looking to join the club.
I'm at my wits ends and trying to educate myself. Like I said I love my wife Its what's she doing that I hate.
I cant make a decision until I know my options, what if I make the wrong choice and everything just gets worse?
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:53 PM
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Default Possibly divorcing over narcotic dependancy

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